OH says I never want to do anything

[veevee04]

I'm on a nursing placement I've been doing 48 hour week 12.5 hour long shifts to make up time, I'm absolutely knackered also have a neurological condition he works from home . I have 3 days off he's woke me up at 7am today to go out DD was happily snoozing and usually doesn't get up until 10am, I've gone ballistic we ended up going out in his kit car and for lunch in his favourite restaurant I thought he would shut up. Tomorrow he now wants to go collect a bike from Carlisle a 2 hour one way car journey then go cycling in the lakes , he wants to get up at 7am! I've said I just want to relax watch a bit of Netflix while DD plays out with her friends he's called me boring and said I never want to do anything. I'm afraid I'm not going to be properly recharged to go back to work !

He's a selfish arsehole. HTH

Words fail me.
He is a prize knob.

Tell him if he wakes you up in the morning he can fuck off. He can go and do his shit on his own.

Do not go tomorrow no matter what he says. You need to decompress.

That sounds abusive tbh. Waking you up unnecessarily when you clearly need to sleep is harming you deliberately

Fuck me, I'd have thrown him out the window by now. He sounds extremely annoying and inconsiderate.

Perhaps he needs to make friends with some people who also hate sleep and want to do these sorts of things every weekend. Then he go off with them and leave you alone

Is this a long term situation or one of those short term things you just need to ride out?

If it's the latter he obvs needs to back off and let you do what you need to do to get through it.

If it's always like this then I can kind of understand his frustration (even though waking you up was out of order). I'd be miserable with a partner who worked so much during the week that they then just wanted to watch tv all weekend, and I wouldn't be with someone who chose that lifestyle as a long term thing. In which case maybe reassess what you both actually want from being together.

But as I said before if it's something you just need to get through in the short term then yeah he should definitely be more supportive.

I can relate to an extent.
I am a nurse and work 38 hours a week in a hospital over 5 days, so no 12 hour shifts.
DH has worked from home the last 2 years.
I am talked out when I get home between patients and carrying 2 phones during my work day. DH only sees me in his day unless he goes to the shops.
He uses me as his sounding board, social contact, partner and friend.
Some days I just can’t and then he gets grumpy as he wants human contact.
I had to sit him down, at one point, and point out that I understand he has no other contact, but he needs to understand my day has not changed, increased in work load if anything. I can’t be his playmate and partner and friend 24/7 He needs to do some stuff on his own.
Put it to him that he can ride his bike on his own and do other stuff on his own.
You are not being lazy by trying to recharge on your days off.
Work out a compromise where 1 day off is for relaxation, 1 for catching up on chores and 1 for doing family things.
He needs to join a play group or coffee morning for social interaction or make time with friends.

Is he really this daft, useless and selfish? Is that even possible?

I'd tell him to peddle his bike into the middle of the fucking ocean.

Can he not entertain himself?

Talk to him about a compromise

Spending time together is important, and it is hard being with someone who works so hard during the week they just want to dose around at weekends - but also understandable that person feels like that.

You will damage your marriage though so work it through - Waking you up early, 2 hour trips is not reasonable. Going out for lunch or for a bike ride is.

I can see both sides.

If you're always shattered and never want to do anything as a couple/family I can see why it bothers him. It's a really crap feeling to know your partner has no time for you, even if it's through no fault of their own.

But equally he's a grown man and shouldn't be relying on you for entertainment, and he certainly shouldn't be waking you up at 7am on your days off.

It sounds like you both need to talk and reassess what's going on. Working 48 hour weeks is tough - is he doing all he can at home to take the strain off you so you have more energy at weekends? How many hours does he work? Is he just frustrated that he's not spending time with you like he used to?

Thought I'd add it's not forever the 48 hour thing I have to do it to gain the hours to pass the course after placements were shortened due to COVID the past couple of years..

Regardless of what hours you work, or how many days you work, I can't imagine ever wanting to do FUN FUN FUN through my days off. You need time to rest and decompress, time to catch up with household chores, and time to enjoy with your family. Is he always like this?

You need to reach a compromise . First of all no 7 am wake-up's regardless of the reasons. If he's that bored he can go out of his bike or do whatever chores need doing.
One day you can do family stuff, but at a decent hour and it needs to be something you all enjoy. Try for some couple time a few evenings a month if you(both of you) can arrange childcare a movie,meal out ,whatever rocks your boat. Board games as a family, walks etc.

None of this toddler nonsense of I'm up,everyone needs to be up ,let's do things!

I think @Luredbyapomegranate and @fairylightsandwaxmelts make very sensible
Comments.

There’s definitely a balance though. Your free time shouldn’t just be spent sleeping or doing chores - that’s no life. My DH would stay in bed all weekend if I let him. I let him sleep in til 10, and then drag him out the house to do something fun and active, and he always thanks me for doing so afterwards.

I think you have got different energy levels that don’t suit each other. I don’t think your hours sounds particularly excessive, I have easily done this for the majority of my working life and never considered it to be so much that I couldn’t do anything at the weekend (and I would not describe myself as being super energetic by any means).

Why doesn’t he go on his own or join a group? I enjoy yoga but don’t make my partner come with me!!

Don’t let him drag you out at 7am!

I can see his point, what do you bring to the relationships if your always tired? What’s the point in working just to sit around watching Netflix and do nothing together.

Although I wouldn’t want to be woken at 7, 9 is much better

I had a friend like this and she and the kids were always pulled to view his sport activities at the weekends. They are now divorced.

I work in safeguarding and will often work far in excess of 48 hours a week. I would punch my DH in the nuts if he woke me at 7am because he was bored. However if I wanted to just flake out in front of the TV all day at weekend as standard I'd expect him to be frustrated at me too, plus I & my DD would be bored too.
Some weekends we do loads and are super busy doing fun stuff, others are much more laid-back just runs, family walks, watching films etc.

As others have said the key surely is balance & compromise.

Nothing to do with energy levels, he works from home and wants to get out of the house.

If he did OP's job, he'd want a lie in.