A few months ago, one of the school mums from my child's class started trying to befriend me. I was a bit wary of this person because I knew she was well known as being a massive drama llama, but I didn’t mind just talking to her occasionally and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. At first it was nice, it was just making chit chat, we even went out for coffee a few times, she added me on Facebook and other social media platforms and spoke a bit on messenger.
It was ok for a few weeks but she very quickly became quite annoying. I know that sounds harsh, but you know when people just complain and moan about everything, all the time, and it starts to make you feel down and you start to feel dread about seeing them? For example she was aways bitching about our children’s class teacher, the sendco and the head mistress, or just whatever else about the school that she didn’t agree with or didn’t like. Now I know we all have issues every now and again, but I have a large family and have had 3 kids go to the school and I can honestly say I’ve never have had any major problems in the whole 12 years! She has also had numerous fallouts with other parents at the school, some having to involve the head and she’s always the victim in every incident. She made sure to fill me in on all the information from her side of the events and it was always someone else’s fault.
On the few times we met up, the conversations were very one sided and very emotionally and mentally draining, it was all about her, her health problems, her bad relationships with her family, her ex’s and friends. I felt like she was using me as a free counselling service. I felt completely drained and actually got a migraine after one of the times I met up with her because it was so draining.
A few weeks ago I made the decision that I would distance myself a bit. I wasn’t going to be rude or completely cut her off, I honestly didn’t want any ill feeling, but I just wanted to limit the time I spent talking with her. My mental health isn’t great at the moment, I’m going through some stuff, which I won’t go into but I just wanted to protect my mental health.
So for the past few weeks I made sure I dropped my child off just as the doors opened and I’d rush off immediately after to avoid her and I’d also try to stand in a different spot from where she usually stands, so I don’t have to make as much conversation with her. Anyway, this didn’t work, because she seemed to make a B line for me everyday and it felt like she was tracking me down. I’ve spent weeks dreading the school run every morning because she makes me feel so anxious. I could actually see her at the other side of the playground looking for me, hunting me down, her eyes lock onto me and she starts walking over.
Fast forward to last week and she sent me a message on Facebook asking if I wanted to go for a coffee and I stupidly agreed (Why? Why do I do it to myself?) but I didn’t give her an exact day or time, I just said “yeah sure that will be nice, I’m a bit busy but maybe next week on…whenever day” I’m so bad at saying no to people, I just can’t do it. I’m the worlds biggest people pleaser! I hoped she’d just forget but the other day she clocked onto me at school and asked if we could go for a drink, I said I was busy and I couldn’t that morning, but maybe another day and I quickly walked off. She later messaged me to directly ask if I was purposely avoiding her. I thought “oh crap, she knows!”. So I just thought I’d be honest with her and told her that I try to avoid everyone (which I do) because I’m an anxious person and I don’t like making small talk on the playground (which is also true) and that it wasn’t personal to her (maybe it was a little) but I didn’t say anything mean to her, if anything I just tried to assert some healthy boundaries in the hope she’d get the hint and back off a bit. She then went on to have a massive rant and said I was very rude and deleted me off Facebook. I’m so relieved to be honest. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I am feeling quite anxious that she might try approach me at school and have a go at me, which she’s done with other people. Has anyone else had bad experience with mums at school on the school run? My problem is that I feel like I struggle to be assertive with people and tell them I don’t want a friendship with them.