Quite honestly I think it sounds to me as if he possibly suffers from some levels of agoraphobia, maybe some social anxiety and general anxiety
These things aren't even always noticed/recognised by the sufferer
His circumstances are perfectly acceptable reasons for not continuing the relationship if it's not for you.
But I don't thing they make him a "bad guy"
He's in his 50's - very few people at that age don't have SOME kind of baggage/issues and I'm assuming you're of a similar age?
I'm 50 this year I think by that age/stage you have to be more tolerant and understanding of peoples history
You have your own too op
I do think perhaps if he hasn't fully disclosed his reasons for being on benefits/what benefits he's on if old ones then that might be because he's concerned at how you might react if he disclosed mental illness etc as there is still HUGE stigma around these things
I'm on benefits I haven't worked since my mid 30's due to ill health, I have a physical disability - which is what I tell 'new' people is why I am not working which is true but it's not the whole story
I also have severe mental illnesses that I'm less open about in real life simply because there IS still stigma, and prejudice and misunderstandings about various conditions
Eg I also have agoraphobia which a lot of people still think only means you can't go out anywhere ever, when in reality there are levels of how bad the illness is depending how bad you're affected at a particular time
I've had long periods of being completely housebound but I also have stages where I can go to certain places on certain days under certain conditions - and even then I'm extremely anxious! I need to know exactly where I'm going, how to get there, the timings, what potential "obstacles" there might be etc mostly I stick to places and routes that are "safe" because they're a known quantity and I can only go out on days when I know the circumstances work for me and if I've had a bad night prior to going out lack of sleep, panic attacks etc then that basically cancels my plans last minute
My dd suffers terribly with social anxiety in certain situations. Some have scoffed at her because she SEEMS very sociable to her friends etc but new people, new places really throw her off and ramp up the anxiety. She's away at uni just now almost every night the 1st week I was talking her down just to get her out of her room to use the kitchen! Because she was terrified of bumping into a new flatmate or worse a few of them and doing/saying the wrong thing. She has gradually got to know them and they also now know how she needs to manage things so they very kindly let her know if there's likely to be someone she doesn't know hanging about, let her know roughly when they'll be leaving etc and a couple of them have taken the time to learn how to calm her down if she gets bad/panic attacks. Lovely of them. She was so nervous about telling them as she didn't want them thinking she "was a freak" (her words)
Perhaps also he was more involved in his parents care in the past and that's what he is used to and maybe now they're getting more help from other agencies?
You know better than us what the whole story is likely to be
He's intelligent and used to work but had a stressful time and suffered burnout. I know what that feels like.
Yea I'm leaning more towards there's likely more to his own health background than you're currently aware of. And it's not right to push him on that cos really to a point it's not your business same goes for the details of his parents health and how he sorts their care
I had a fwb for a time who was self employed and dropped his hours when his dad moved in with him following his mothers death. Neither he nor his father really fully acknowledged/admitted everything he was doing for his dad but it was clear enough to him in terms of he couldn't manage to keep doing full time work and even I noticed in conversations we had that he was gradually doing more and more for his dad almost without realising. Turns out his dad had Alzheimer's and was gradually becoming less able and less safe taking care of himself. Sometimes depending on the condition/circumstances things can creep up on you
There's a lot of talk on here about the "mental load" that applies when caring for elderly family too there's a lot that needs done that isn't necessarily a practical task but is draining energy wise
Money really isn't everything
As long as you have enough to meet your needs with a little extra for luxuries/fun stuff then there are many other things that are valuable qualities in a partner
Same sense of humour
Kindness
Empathy
Loving the very things you hate about yourself
Patience
Treating others well not just you
Calm under pressure
Good at calming you down
Generosity - this is not about splashing the cash but a generous spirit, I know people extremely well off who never tip and begrudge buying birthday cards for others! But spend plenty on themselves, I know people with barely 2 pennies to rub together who would never see someone go without a meal or a new coat and love choosing thoughtful gifts for birthdays etc
Every person has to decide what qualities they personally seek in a partner
Eg my ex was...not intelligent, but worse he looked down on those who were! Very insecure about this and majorly ripped into anyone clever or educated as if they were like that to personally spite him! No way would I go for someone with that aspect again. Nothing wrong with being less able academically, everyone has their own gifts and abilities, I'm academic but I'm crap at anything practical or artistic and have huge respect for those who have those abilities. It's more the attitude he had towards people he thought were looking down their nose at him just because they had dared to go to uni! What's weird is his current wife is now doing her phd! She's way more intellectual than me - and yes he rips into her about that too publicly I've seen the sm posts!
It's also about shared interests eg ex was a HUGE rugby fan like massive - sport bores me to tears! Having had that experience I don't think I'd go for someone that much into sport again. If he wasn't sleeping, working or watching rugby he was playing rugby certainly until we had dd and even then he only really gave up the playing drove me nuts!