Tips on ensuring you don't get financially screwed over when (re)marrying

[piddocktrumperiness]

Hi everyone
I got divorced a while ago and my exH took me to the cleaners really. I came out of the divorce with next to nothing even though it was me that paid the deposit on the house, the refurbishing and so on.

That's in the past. I paid off all my debt and built my credit back up and have v low outgoings. I really have downsized and simplified my life. I live in my own small flat and have been entrusted by my father to manage two properties that are his retirement-he paid the deposit but couldn't get a mortgage (the mortgage and deeds are in my name but all money goes to my dad). I merely manage it.

I am currently in a loving relationship that may well one day lead to marriage and the thought of being financially screwed over terrifies me. I'd appreciate any guidance on how to ensure my dad's flats are protected, and any guidance or tips from anyone here who may have experience or advice/tips on how to protect assets and financial security or basically what to do or not do second time round financially speaking?

Wanted to add that I'm not sure whether Pre-nuts are recognised here, and whether it is binding?

They are not binding. It gets really complicated.

Best tip would probably be don't get married again but do get good wills written up.

Do you actually want to get married? Are you planning to have children?

If the mortgages and deeds of your father's houses are in your name, then you own them, and could potentially lose them.

Don’t get married. It sounds glib but it’s really the only good advice. Anything you own is going in the marital pot. Forget pre-nups. They aren’t legally binding. They aren’t guaranteed.

Assume if you get married, your new DH can leave the marriage with at least one of those houses.

Thank you :)

What about putting the properties in a trust? Would that work?

Surely there is another aside from not marrying?

The safest way is just not to get married! If you do choose to get married you need professional advice, not MN advice.

Pre nups aren't legally binding in the UK, but more judges are taking them into account during divorces.
DH and I have a pre nup

I wasn't really looking for professional advice to be honest, just life experience from women mostly, who may have remarried and have done things second time round in a different way to protect themselves

Don't get married! it took 18m to divorce my husband. My friend (unmarried, no joint mortgage) 8 days to separate.

Hi @piddocktrumperiness, I'm in a similar position. I would like to commit to DP & im absolutely sure he is not out to screw me over, however I do have considerably more than him in terms of capitol. We had a contract written up by a solicitor when we got a mortgage that says he owns a certain percentage & the rest is mine. I don't know if that will still apply if & when we marry (not currently engaged so not given it considerable thought).

I am in a vaguely similar situation op. I got taken to the cleaners in my divorce, and have no intention of it happening again, as I have a house, pension, etc. My now partner has asked me to marry him and we are hoping to do it later in the year, however I am currently looking into how to do it ‘safely’ - if there isn’t a way, and I am beginning to suspect there isn’t, then we’ll probably have a non binding commitment ceremony and leave it at that.

Get a ring, have a party, and even change your name by deed poll if you like. But in my case, just coming to the end of a protracted divorce, I won't get married again!

Me and DP have agreed to do the above. And that is enough! I don't have any need for more, as what's the point?!!

Yes I suppose a symbolic marriage is a good way to go about it, if it is a union before witnesses. Other than that, pre nups are legally binding in Scotland- might shoot off there

It would really irresponsible of you to marry and risk your fathers properties/retirement fund. So if you’re going to marry, you and your dad will have to work out a way to get the mortgages and properties transferred fully into his name.

Personally I would just go for a nice non-legally binding ceremony where you get to dress up, exchange rings and declare your love for each other in front of family and friends if that’s the part of marriage that’s important to you.

@BornIn78
I agree, I would never do that, which is why I am really trying to find a way around this. I'd like to transfer the deeds and mortgage to him, but unsure whether at his age, the banks would allow that- that or maybe I could pass the baton to my siblings.

I quite like the non legally binding ceremony- won't officially change my name either- might take on new name as a stage name, for official social engagements and whatnot.

For the best protection, don’t get married. Do expect your partner to be completely open and transparent about their finances from the outset. Agree your respective contributions to household finances & use a joint account for those items only. Don’t merge your finances; don’t allow secondary cards on your bank account or credit cards. Make sure you have wills and LPAs in place whether or not you cohabit - your partner ( especially a fairly new one)! might not be the best person to administer your financial/ health needs if for some reason you can’t. Consider whether your partner should continue to live in your property if you predecease him or have to have residential care because of age of injury; what happens financially/ property- wise if they take a new partner? Who acts as your next of kin - your family/ trusted close friend may be best with input from your partner if you
Think about pensions, investments, savings, even your social media accounts and who you’d want to have control of them.
Unles you have lots of money and complicated finances then trusts aren’t generally cost effective ( s professional told me that anything less than £5mill isn’t worth going - there are other ways!) even if they are a see as a ‘go to’ to protect assets.
Your will or LPA can always be amended in the future should you do wish.

You need proper legal advice as regards your dad’s investments, from the information you’ve given, he doesn’t have control of those properties and as things stand they will be part of the marital assets if you marry your DP.

I am in the position of where I was royally f*** over by my ex, lost all I ever worked for. Fast forward to today, about to go on the holiday of a lifetime where I think he's going to propose.
I don't want to say no but equally I have a house I could lose again and I am not risking that. I am currently exploring the options with a solicitor soon. I don't want a pre-nip wouldn't waste money but have never really thought much about the non-legally binding option. I just don't know what my partner would think of this.

I won't ever get married again. I am happily married now and we now have assets. I couldn't imagine putting what we built together for our children at risk by marrying again. A relative was in a similar position, she owns her home and has lived with her partner for many years. She won't marry him to protect her home.

Wasn’t marriage traditionally about protecting the woman’s more vulnerable stay-at-home status, in particular where the man had the financial ability to take care of the woman and family. Not really sure how it works in reverse. Why do you want to get married, OP? Not disagreeing, but curious.

I agree, don’t get married. It risks so much. Just imagine your break up. You may be completely blindsided. And see yourself wishing you had just moved in, had joint finances and managed to ONLY have your heart and faith and trust decimated, but not your finances. And if it all works out well, you have a happy relationship. Just as you would if you were married.

Just don't get married. Why would you need to? If my husband were die, I would never, ever get remarried because I would want to protect my children's inheritance.

Similar (ish) position. I would love to marry my OH and he would love to marry me but I have £££ more than him so know I never can. Probably won’t even ever live together (well certainly not until his kids are adults). It makes me a bit sad. Didn’t know you could have a non legally binding ceremony. Maybe that is the way forward for us too.

I wasn't really looking for professional advice to be honest, just life experience from women mostly, who may have remarried and have done things second time round in a different way to protect themselves

This seems a bit disingenuous, what really matters here is the law of the land. Assuming you are in the UK, the only safe way to protect assets is not to get married

Sorry but marriage is essentially a financial transaction recognised by the law in which you two become one and assets become shared

There are of course exceptions (and different rules in different territories ) but by the joining together is at the heart of marriage.

For example, I can't think of any protection for you, in the case where you have properties in your name which you feel belong to your parent. Especially in a longer, ten year, marriage in the UK, they would very likely be considered properties of the marriage and so would be taken into consideration in the case of any split.

(complete side issue, how is any tax due on the rents accounted for, is it by your or by your DH?)

The purpose of marriage was to provide for the financially weaker party, especially when children come along.

By all means have a commitment ceremony but take a leaf out of Mick Jaggers book and don't go though a legal form of marriage.

Tax ... by you or your DF