Am I being mean to DH about housework?

[anniemouse]

dh drives me nuts about housework. Ok he will help but whenever he does a job it is NEVER done properly. Eg If he empties the bins around the house - he'll always leave one, if he puts on the steriliser, he never puts the bottles together afterwards etc etc. All this means is invariably I'll have to spend time finishing them off. I wouldn't mind, but I do the majority of the housework as it is.

Am I being mean to him when I complain to him about it?

my dh is EXACTLY the same - he cant do anything properly. If he hoovers he'll do the main bit of the floor, not edges or under stuff. If he does dishes i have to re-do them. Half of me thinks they do it on purpose to get out of doing it. Its the cause of 99% of arguments in our house!

Sadly, you are not alone, when dh does the washing up, he doesn't dry the dishes, wipe the draining board or empty the bowl out, wipe the worktops down or even clean the cooker, if I ask him why he hasn't done it he just says, the didn't ask me to do X Y and Z you just said the washing up .

He has NEVER cleaned the bathroom, doesn't know how to use a toilet brush and cannot figure out where the on/off button is for the vacuum cleaner.

Even so, he has improved, he was even worse when we first got together.

I was tempted not to read your problem and simply to post "no of course not, there's no such thing as being mean to a DH about the housework", but I read the post anyway and my view is "no of course not, there's no.... etc.!"

I think it's a technique men have developed to get out of doing housework. Do it so badly you won't be asked again. I myself adopted this technique when I worked in an office, so I would never be asked to make the tea. Sly, but effective.

You could tell him you're going to adopt the same technique... when it comes to fellatio, for example. That might encourage him to empty the bloody bins properly.

thats an excellent idea caligula - with the added bonus that when we dont do it properly they cant do it themselves!!! hahahahaha!!!

LOL. My Dh is exactly the same to. he claims it isn't deliberate but sometimes I really do wonder. I did consider writing a big checklist for my Dh but wondered if that was a bit OTT

Maybe try & keep it simple - give him the same regular chores & train him up to do them thoroughly?

I dont understand why they cant just do it! its not difficult and after all they are grown men!!

Message withdrawn

dh will empthy the dishwasher but i have to load it, will do laundry but i have to fold it and put it away etc. its just something they do.

lol Caligula, what an analogy!

I asked dp to "do " the washing yesterday. I came home from work to find dirty clothes all over the kitchen floor, so I left them there and went out to eat with ds. When he got in from work he tripped over them. Hahahahahahah!

I honestly think that men just don't see things the way that we do - I know that in the case of my dh he doesn't do things "shoddily" just to get out of doing them, because tbh he couldn't be more helpful and is always trying to stop me from doing stuff ( I know, I know, I'm lucky!). Their housework standards are just not the same as ours I'm afraid ladies! I try not to moan to him about it because tbh he does 100% more than ex-dh ever did.

Caligula is so right my lovely housework-friendly DH told me once that a common advice between their friends (before marriage), was to brake an expensive thing while doing the dishes or dusting the house, they say that after 3 expensive things are gone the wife feels compelled todo it herself and never trust the husband with that shore again. Sadly for him he told me about the joke before marriage, and everytime he breaks something I just replace it no matter how expensive it is, as he is paying for the expense he has become a little more careful,just a little bit but he is a man, how muchcanI expect???

brake? break

Yep, but their standards aren't the same not because there's something different about their brains, but because they've been brought up differently.

No, of course you're not being mean. HE's being mean when he makes you finish it off for him.

uuummmm Its not all men. I know dp is unusual but he has very high housekeeping standards (no idea where he got them from but def not from his dad). He moans at me about the way I washup
But then as I say I cant be brilliant at everything

The exception that confirms the rule Tarantula, I believe it's genetic. DS throws a tantrum if he finds all the clothes on the floor when I amseparating the colours before doing the washing and then put everything back in the basket laundry, we have not teached him to do that but I think she has inherited of my very methodical MIL, who he only sees twice a year...

Yesterday he came with a star because he organised all the baby roomat the nursery without being told....

jsut potsed a huge posta nd lost it
grrrr
ok have a good idea i got from t hat " hwo to talk so kids will talk " or whatever book

you get a Post it note and fix it ontot he ( in our case) shoe rack where dhs shoes were taking over, saying " help do not smother us with your smelly size 12s"
and dh lol. he doesnt do it anynmore!

the book is here
book

I'm waiting til custardo sees this thread

The answer is to lower your standards too. It takes a few weeks before they start to notice, but then start complain about the mess etc and voluntarily tidy and clean!

Yeah, make sure that you put a dirty plate in front of him and then serve him a lovely piece of food on it.

He might not notice. But if he does, he might be disgusted enough to do something about it.

But he probably won't notice!

Oh and I've developed a new game for the benefit of my DS, so that no future Daughter in Law can accuse me of failing in my duty as a feminist mother - "Spot the Mess". The person who can spot the most mess is the winner.

The advanced version will soon be introduced, which will be that you will get more points first for spotting the mess, then clearing it.

That should sort out any genetic pre-disposition for mess-blindness.
[smil]

I've got one who can't wash up either, nor can he
figure out what's "whites" and what's "coloureds"
look in the freezer and decide what's for dinner.
look on a pre-planned menu for dd and cook it (ie defrost/warm from the ice cube trays)
Notice that the bathroom needs cleaning or the carpets need hoovering...
etc, etc

Nice to know I'm not alone!

my dh thinks his socks and pants pick themselves up off the floor, magically wash themselves, and put themselves in his "magic" (it refills itself just like magic) underwear drawer.

he never uses the toilet brush, but finds it offensive if I point out to him that perhaps I might not feel like getting rid of his skids.

his idea of "tidying the kitchen" is putting as much as poss in the dishwasher, and leaving all the pots and pans "soaking" in the sink. funnily enough he never gets beyond the soaking stage.

that's men for you.