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Original poster

Need help - player?

48 replies

pougie3 · 02/03/2022 17:24

How can you tell if a guy is a player or not?

I met a guy through a friends group a few months ago and thought we were just friends. He is off the scale attractive and loads of women chase him. He's single. He's often confided in me about his dates.

Suddenly he's all over me. Literally. He says he wants us to have sex, but there's something unconvincing about it. He's not the sort that would play me for a laugh or a dare. What else could be going on?

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 02/03/2022 17:29

He just wants a shag, if he is so amazing why is he still single.

HollowTalk · 02/03/2022 17:32

Yes, he just wants to sleep with you. He wants the conquest. Honestly he won't see you again (as a girlfriend) as soon as he's slept with you. And then he will want to talk to you about the other women he's sleeping with.

Watchkeys · 02/03/2022 17:34

It doesn't matter what's going on. You'd never feel like this about someone you were compatible with. You'd feel safe, secure, wanted, cared for.

Anybody who gives you a 'What's going on here..?' feeling needs to be left behind, not figured out. He's not a puzzle for you to figure out. This is your life, your energy, your time. Spend it on people who make you feel good.

Itwasntmeright · 02/03/2022 17:34

Does it matter? If it doesn’t feel right then don’t do it, simple. You aren’t obliged to sleep with him just because he wants you to.

Original poster
pougie3 · 02/03/2022 17:34

He is single at the moment but has had long-term relationships previously. He doesn't need me for a shag, plenty of others interested.

OP posts:
00100001 · 02/03/2022 17:37

So... Have sex with him...

PliqueAjour · 02/03/2022 17:37

He says he wants us to have sex Wow, he's a charmer isn't he? Not that he wants to get to know you, or date you. He sees you as a challenge, as you don't chase him like other women do. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

00100001 · 02/03/2022 17:37

Besides, who's telling you he as "loads of interest"?

Hopefullyoneday12 · 02/03/2022 17:43

And how do you feel about him and having sex with him?

If you fancy it, go for it. But understand that it is a one time thing and no emotions on his part will be involved.

Thingsdogetbetter · 02/03/2022 17:51

You're noe a challenge to him as you've treated him like a friend and he's not used to that. He's used to women throwing themselves at him. He's been waiting for you to do the same and he's gotten bored/confused/insecure waiting. So now he wants to have sex to prove to himself he's still irresistible to women.

Original poster
pougie3 · 02/03/2022 17:58

@Thingsdogetbetter

You're noe a challenge to him as you've treated him like a friend and he's not used to that. He's used to women throwing themselves at him. He's been waiting for you to do the same and he's gotten bored/confused/insecure waiting. So now he wants to have sex to prove to himself he's still irresistible to women.
Could be that.

Except I've told him before he's gorgeous and I admire his traits. I can see no need for him to prove himself as he knows I'm on his team.

OP posts:
WhatYouDontKnow · 02/03/2022 18:06

@BlanketsBanned

He just wants a shag, if he is so amazing why is he still single.
You do realise that there are people who want to be single. And they are still amazing people?

Not everyone are traditional or want easy/conventional life?

CrumpetStrumpet · 02/03/2022 18:10

He just wants sex and he's not exactly being charming about it. It's not a confusing situation. Sounds like he's been pretty blunt about it.

Do you want to have sex with him?

Original poster
pougie3 · 02/03/2022 18:39

Yes, objectively he's extremely sexually attractive. Does it sound stupid to say that I respect him too much to have a ONS though?

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 02/03/2022 18:54

If you’ve been friends for ages, why has he suddenly ramped up the Sexy Flirting with you now?

”I respect him too much to have a ONS”

Glad to hear that. You’d just be another notch on his bedpost.

If you don’t fancy him or would like “a relationship” with him rather than a ONS, ask him to back off with the sexy flirting.

Yes, it’s the hallmark of a Player/Pick Up Artist. Proceed with caution.

DatingDinosaur · 02/03/2022 19:01

Oh and

” He says he wants us to have sex, but there's something unconvincing about it”

Urrrgh, who said romance is dead, huh? Yes, that’s your intuition picking up on him being a sleaze and your self-respect saying you deserve to be treated better than that.

Original poster
pougie3 · 02/03/2022 19:06

His sudden ramping up of flirting was immediately after I'd told him I was back on the dating scene (I've been single for a while). 'Self-respect' I like that @DatingDinosaur you're not such a dinosaur after all!

OP posts:
iwishu · 02/03/2022 19:16

So he wants to go straight into having sex without dating you?
Yes that's all he wants unless he shows you some respect first.

CognitiveDissolver · 02/03/2022 19:59

He says he wants us to have sex

I can't say whether you should have sex with him or not! All I can say is that I got a message once off a guy after 1 date which said very similarly "Will you have sex with me?" after a series of "accidentally" mis-spelled text messages. It wasn't for me, so I blocked him. I prefer a more nuanced build up Grin

me4real · 02/03/2022 20:05

He doesn't need me for a shag, plenty of others interested.

A lot of men aren't like that @pougie3 . They'll take eveyone they can get. And I'm sure you aren't last on people's list.

But this would be off putting to me after many sex-obsessed sleazy men I've known.

Fernandina · 02/03/2022 22:26

Ugh. Basically.

A good few years ago I knew someone like this. At big gatherings, a couple of people used to take great delight in pointing out all his conquests and laughing about it. ('Yeah, he's had her... and her, and her over there' kind of thing). You don't want to be just another notch on his bedpost, do you?

Opentooffers · 02/03/2022 23:38

If someone you're not even dating says they want to have sex with you, it's nothing more than a booty call. He will be interested for as long as you put up resistance - that is why he's not bothered about the ones who chase him. He's after conquest, then move on. If you fancy a stag, OK, of you want more, forget it with him.

Opentooffers · 02/03/2022 23:39

Shag Grin

AubadeIsIt · 03/03/2022 00:23

He sounds like a douche bag, I wouldn't take it further

Bunty55 · 03/03/2022 00:32

@BlanketsBanned

He just wants a shag, if he is so amazing why is he still single.
Yes this
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