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Original poster

No more babies..

31 replies

Thirtysomethingmum1 · 02/03/2022 07:39

Oh said we could have more (already have 2)
I was so happy & exited
Kids were exited- i came off pill, started taking folic acid etc…
Now he’s changed his mind and i am devastated to say the least.
We are not married- he reluctantly says we can in years to come once kids are older
But refuses to talk about it as its ages away.
He is saying i am asking for too much i always want more and I should be happy with what ive got - which i am
Am I wrong in wanting to talk about marriage
More kids , etc…

OP posts:
Cheekypeach · 02/03/2022 07:41

Do you work?

Cheekypeach · 02/03/2022 07:42

If no. Then why would you want to have a third child with somebody who refuses to commit to you and could walk out, leaving you financially screwed with 3 small children?

CoffeeCakeChill · 02/03/2022 07:42

Well its mean of him to say lets try then change his mind. However he is entitled to fo so
Is he worried about finances? Cost of living is going up and 2 kids are expensive enough as it is.

Ultimately though he is entitled to change his mind,

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 08:03

Telling the kids about another child wasn’t a good idea, even if he agreed what if there were issues.
Unfortunately when one person wants another child and one person doesn’t, the doesn’t person wins. Tbh you have two children, I’d make peace with it.
Not being married- sounds like he’s been stringing you on about that, up to you to decide to stay or leave without that commitment

Original poster
Thirtysomethingmum1 · 02/03/2022 08:42

Yes both work
Money is no issue at all
Neither is space

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 02/03/2022 08:47

I'm not sure why you told the kids about this so early into it rather than in just generally saying we may have another child one day if they asked.

It sounds like you're good enough to have children with but not to marry... unless he has previously been married and now has all the emotions that come with divorce of it not working out a second time.

WTF475878237NC · 02/03/2022 08:47

I mean that's what I would think he means ... Not that it's true of course!

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/03/2022 08:48

How old are the two you’ve got? Why on Earth did you tell them?

If it’s a deal breaker - marriage or another baby - then you’ll have to leave him.

It sounds like a general issue of poor communication between the two of you and mismatched ideas about your lives and relationship.

He’s not going to marry you so accept that or leave him.

SartresSoul · 02/03/2022 09:41

Why did you inform your children about this? That never should have happened, all sorts of things can go wrong when you’re TTC and young children shouldn’t be privy to this.

GreyCarpet · 02/03/2022 13:08

I'm not sure why you told your children either.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2022 13:12

Has he clarified why he said no now? How old are the kids? I get the point about sounding out odler kids about having more babies in a general way but not that you're currently ttc. Maybe all that pressure has a ares him ofd

Orangesandlemons77 · 02/03/2022 13:19

Why do the children have to be older before you get married?

Original poster
Thirtysomethingmum1 · 02/03/2022 13:28

The children are 6 & 8
They have been asking all the time for another brother or sister so we just said yes maybe and they were excited at the possibility

Im not sure why the wedding has to wait-

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/03/2022 13:31

He probably just doesn't want more children which is fair enough when you already have two. Both have to be on board with wanting big families.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/03/2022 13:40

Im not sure why the wedding has to wait

It may well be that he just doesn't want that level of commitment; IME men who do don't tend to faff around like this
It could also explain him putting the brakes on a third child, since each one means him having to pay more if you split

Overall I'd say some in depth conversations are needed, but in the meantime it sounds a good thing that you're working

Original poster
Thirtysomethingmum1 · 02/03/2022 14:00

Yes I think you’re right @Puzzledandpissedoff

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/03/2022 14:01

Well he has you right where he wants you. Thinking every big decision is his word, no financial commitment to you, back and forth on when and where things are "allowed" to happen.

Original poster
Thirtysomethingmum1 · 02/03/2022 14:34

I often wonder what it will be like to be with someone who wants everything the same as i do and not to feel like im asking for too much
Or made to feel a fool for wanting what i want…

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/03/2022 14:48

Stop having kids with someone youvatent married to if you want to get married.

The dude has zero respect for you expecting to have his babies without proposing when he knows you want to get married.

Be bloody thankful he has had second thoughts because he is taking the piss wedding wise.

Stop daydreaming about babies with a man who can't even commit to you.

Pinkbonbon · 02/03/2022 14:51

@Thirtysomethingmum1

The children are 6 & 8 They have been asking all the time for another brother or sister so we just said yes maybe and they were excited at the possibility

Im not sure why the wedding has to wait-

8 years?!

Oh Op he isn't going to marry you.

Original poster
Thirtysomethingmum1 · 02/03/2022 18:05

@Pinkbonbon
Thats what i said to him 😏
He said im obsessed an told me to stop going on

OP posts:
Rewritethestars1 · 02/03/2022 18:13

Hes entitled to change his mind and not want anymore children. At one point I wanted more but then changed my mind, luckily dh was the sane.

Its quite often true that if a man wants to marry you they will. They won't faff about for years and years. Men who don't want to marry you will string you along with false promises. Its up to you to decide what you do about that.

Pinkbonbon · 02/03/2022 18:35

[quote Thirtysomethingmum1]@Pinkbonbon
Thats what i said to him 😏
He said im obsessed an told me to stop going on[/quote]
Tell him to sling his hook then op. He will never repect you. But you should respect yourself.

At the very least, get back on that birth control fast. Dont make more babies with a man who treats you with such obvious contempt.

Dillydollydingdong · 02/03/2022 18:38

Tell him if he doesn't want another baby, or to marry you, you'll find someone who does!

NowEvenBetter · 02/03/2022 18:42

Do you want to keep him as just a boyfriend, be legally single with zero legal protections and not legally being each other’s family? Because he’s made it clear he won’t marry you, so up to you what you do with that information. Two kids is plenty.