No more babies..

[Thirtysomethingmum1]

Oh said we could have more (already have 2)
I was so happy & exited
Kids were exited- i came off pill, started taking folic acid etc…
Now he’s changed his mind and i am devastated to say the least.
We are not married- he reluctantly says we can in years to come once kids are older
But refuses to talk about it as its ages away.
He is saying i am asking for too much i always want more and I should be happy with what ive got - which i am
Am I wrong in wanting to talk about marriage
More kids , etc…

And tbf op, if he was just honest and said he didn't want to get married then that's one thing but the fact that he gaslights you and tells you you are 'nagging' for wanting the security of marriage after you've already has not one, but two of his children - he is a proper scummy human being who isn't worth marrying.

A decent man would have proposed when you first got pregnant. Or at the very least, before the second child. And a decent man wouldn't belittle and dismiss you for wanting to get married.

Ive said the above but he thinks im manipulating him when i say this…

That's it then really isn't it OP?

He doesn't want to marry you. Otherwise you'd be married.

If it's a dealbreaker for you then it's the end.

If it's not a dealbreaker for you then you're still with someone who thinks you are manipulative and unreasonable.

You've been very passive about things that are important to you - relationship dynamics and marriage.

Im not sure why the wedding has to wait

There is not going to be a wedding. He's kicking the can down the road hoping that eventually you'll give up asking. Or that he can break up with you eventually if you don't stop asking, once you've provided him with children and probably most childcare. I know you both work but I'm assuming he doesn't do an equal share of non-fun, mundane parenting?

If you’re manipulating him it’s not working is it.

On one hand, marriage wasn’t important to you if you if you had not one but two children with him and it’s been 8 years so you haven’t found it a deal breaker so far. And he’s allowed to change his mind about another, you’ve got a decent age gap if you were to go for it and life would change loads. Life is getting much much more expensive at the moment and only the very rich won’t be affected.

On the other, he doesn’t seem to consider you a partner and if you’re not happy then of course you should leave.

But the usual advice on here is not to sacrifice a family unit and the stability of the two existing young children in hopes of another hypothetical one.

@Thirtysomethingmum1

Ive said the above but he thinks im manipulating him when i say this…

Why are you trying to convince him?

'He says...' whatever he needs to say to manipulate YOU. He wants you to feel like you don't have the right to suggest marriage. He KNOWS he is being disrespectful. He just doesn't want you to know he knows.

Stop trying convince a lion it's a lion.
And realise instead, that you are a gazelle.

He gets to say baby or no baby. He gets to say wedding or no wedding.

What about your happiness? What about your security?