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Original poster

Block or just mute?

30 replies

BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 19:56

If you aren't being mucked around by someone would you block/mute or ignore them.

I feel like blocking them draws attention in a way just muting them on whattsap doesn't. But obviously if you mute them you can see there online etc.

Opinions?

OP posts:
JustFrustrated · 28/02/2022 19:57

I'd recommend delete. No need to block.

If for whatever reason you need to keep their number, then mute and archive.

No notifications and you have to search them out to see their activity.

RantyAunty · 28/02/2022 19:57

Block. Out of sight out of mind.

Lovemusic33 · 28/02/2022 19:58

Block 🙂

BabyTurtIe · 28/02/2022 20:00

I just block

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 20:18

@JustFrustrated

I'd recommend delete. No need to block.

If for whatever reason you need to keep their number, then mute and archive.

No notifications and you have to search them out to see their activity.

If you delete they can still contact you? How do you deal with that if they do?
OP posts:
Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 20:19

People who block-

do they try and contact you in other ways?

OP posts:
Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 20:19

@JustFrustrated

I'd recommend delete. No need to block.

If for whatever reason you need to keep their number, then mute and archive.

No notifications and you have to search them out to see their activity.

So difficult not to look and see what they are doing....
OP posts:
BabyTurtIe · 28/02/2022 20:21

My ex did show up and once sent me a message through my online banking 😒 that’s why I don’t like blocking as it can sometimes encourage them to show up however I don’t think he would do that now though

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 20:23

@BabyTurtIe

My ex did show up and once sent me a message through my online banking 😒 that’s why I don’t like blocking as it can sometimes encourage them to show up however I don’t think he would do that now though
Yeah it's like blocking alerts them that your attitude has changed and then it makes them act in some way.
OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 28/02/2022 20:25

Who are they? Somebody you’ve been on a few dates with being a dick? Just block them and then delete their number. If they’re messing you around on WhatsApp / arranging dates etc why would they go to the added effort of trying to find you somewhere else. It sounds like they aren’t very interested.

chattycaterpillar · 28/02/2022 20:31

I would block OP :) I think receiving random texts when they feel like it can be disconcerting to you, so I would block.

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 20:37

Met this man online in September.. Talk all the time. Meet once. He obviously finds it very difficult. Asks me to give him a second chance. Make plans to meet again but it doesn't happen. He stops talking to me with no explantation. I message him to ask what's going on and he says that it's stuff he's going through ( big bereavement that I knew about from day 1). We talk but then he does it again. I don't message this time.

After two months he messages me. Apologies explains that it's due to the bereavement etc. Apologies and says he knows he has a lot of making up to do.

Make plans to meet again. Night before says he is unwell. Doesn't rearrange plan. He talks about it but it doesn't happen. I allow this to happen until I realise this pretence just hurts me. I say I'm not going to pretend any longer and he says he does want to meet up and we'll talk about it later. He never does and the amount of messaging and face timing reduces considerably.

I think I can continue just as friends but the level of contact is all at his whim. He doesn't ask about my life. So not sure how much of a friend he is. I feel like he just keeps me on hand as an ego boost when he needs it.

When we talk he is so clever and funny. Makes me feel so happy.

What would you do?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 28/02/2022 20:49

He’s clearly not interested in anything beyond occasional texting on his terms, which you’ve correctly identified as when he wants an ego boost / is bored. Just send a text telling him you’ve had enough of him messing you about, you’ve met somebody else, not to contact you again. Then block him and delete his number. And work on your self esteem and boundaries so you don’t just move straight on to the next time waster who can reel you in with scraps and have you thinking that makes you “so happy.”

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 20:56

@ComtesseDeSpair

He’s clearly not interested in anything beyond occasional texting on his terms, which you’ve correctly identified as when he wants an ego boost / is bored. Just send a text telling him you’ve had enough of him messing you about, you’ve met somebody else, not to contact you again. Then block him and delete his number. And work on your self esteem and boundaries so you don’t just move straight on to the next time waster who can reel you in with scraps and have you thinking that makes you “so happy.”
I really try to work on my self esteem and boundaries but I grew up with abusive parents and DV and then married someone abusive. I was on my own and just concentrating on raising my children for 15 years.

I know I give people far too many chances and waste time and energy on people who don't deserve it.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 28/02/2022 21:02

That’s good that you try to work on them. And think of it this way: every day you spend thinking about this man, waiting for his next text, hoping he’s going to ask you on another date, is another day you delay meeting somebody else who actually wants to spend time with you. Every chance you give this man which he wastes is the single chance you’re not offering somebody with potential.

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 21:21

@ComtesseDeSpair

That’s good that you try to work on them. And think of it this way: every day you spend thinking about this man, waiting for his next text, hoping he’s going to ask you on another date, is another day you delay meeting somebody else who actually wants to spend time with you. Every chance you give this man which he wastes is the single chance you’re not offering somebody with potential.
I don't seem to meet many men with potential. Have met/spoken to lots of liars.

This man is so clever and funny the man I've liked best that I've talked to. But this bereavement is not an excuse to test me this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 21:23

Treat not test.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 28/02/2022 21:46

” I feel like he just keeps me on hand as an ego boost when he needs it.”

And that’s exactly what he IS doing.

Just block and move on.

Wren44 · 28/02/2022 21:56

First block the number and then delete it.

LittleWins · 28/02/2022 22:02

Big believer in archive then muting and then deleting. You can setup WhatsApp to send any messages to archive & choose if you ever look.

If you block you’ll still have his number on your phone.

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 28/02/2022 23:46

It's so hard not to look when they are online etc.

Muting and archiving is what I've done so far. Wish there was a block that didn't alert them. They know because your picture disappears and their messages don't show as delivered.

OP posts:
RedFlagsAllOver · 01/03/2022 00:32

Try and block if you can. I had someone like this in my life. We met online. He did nothing but play with my feelings and ghost me. For some reason I was addicted to him and kept giving him chances. Last time I heard from him was about October time. He said he wanted to meet up. Normally I would have said yes but I said I Don't think it's a good idea. I've not heard from him since. I know he lurks on my twitter and he would have seen that my dad passed away and never even said he was sorry or anything. Just try and find the strength to block now.

Original poster
BridgesofMadisonfan · 01/03/2022 00:38

@RedFlagsAllOver

It's exactly like you described so hard to be strong enough to block them. I guess it's having that bit of hope left.

OP posts:
Moooning · 01/03/2022 07:14

Delete his number from your contacts and then delete the chat in whatsapp. Then all his info and communication details dissappear and you can't see if he's online

chattycaterpillar · 01/03/2022 07:46

Why do you mind him knowing you've blocked him ?

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