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Original poster

second date flaking

29 replies

jamestaylor23 · 28/02/2022 09:28

I had a great first date with a girl recently. We hit it off straight away, lots in common, banter, laughing, flirting, touching, etc and the date lasted 7 hours across 3 venues.

When I dropped her home she text me straight away saying she had a good time and when I asked her out again the next day she agreed.

I was supposed to see her last Friday but on the day of the date at 7am she hits me with a text saying "she couldn't make it, ate something wrong and wasn't feeling well, sorry and have a good Friday"

I'm gauging from the text that she's not interested because she didn't offer to reschedule and I haven't heard from her since.

It's fine but I'm interested to know from a female-perspective how to read things better to save us both time and how things can change so quickly even when it seems like chemistry is there? Between dates was only 5 days.. I don't text too often due to work commitments but I was still keeping communication up until just a day/2 days before seeing each other

OP posts:
baileys6904 · 28/02/2022 09:31

Have u asked to rearrange the date?

hellfire29 · 28/02/2022 09:40

Oh dating is such a mission now a days (not sure if it is my age but I bloody hate it and love it at the same time). I personally would just send a message and ask how she is doing and if she wants to re-arrange. She could genuinely have been ill and not feeling well to even think about setting another time up. You don't have anything to loose, best to know where you stand in my opinion.

Do let us know how you get on!

SprayedWithDettol · 28/02/2022 09:42

I would ask her again. If she is interested she will say yes, if not its back to the drawing board.

Original poster
jamestaylor23 · 28/02/2022 09:57

Solid advice thank you. I haven't got back to her yet...I thought I'd wait a few days and see how to play it.

It's a Bumble match so I get that between the both of us there's always lots of matches/other dates to go on..Feels like a merry go round that doesn't stop sometimes haha...I'm genuinely keen to jump off and settle down at this point.

OP posts:
Sfumato · 28/02/2022 10:00

@jamestaylor23

Solid advice thank you. I haven't got back to her yet...I thought I'd wait a few days and see how to play it.

It's a Bumble match so I get that between the both of us there's always lots of matches/other dates to go on..Feels like a merry go round that doesn't stop sometimes haha...I'm genuinely keen to jump off and settle down at this point.

Not even to say you understand and hope she feels better very soon?
CrumpetStrumpet · 28/02/2022 10:08

So you didn't even respond when she said she was ill and couldn't make it?

LittleBirdBlu · 28/02/2022 10:46

Did you really not reply to her message on Friday saying she was unwell? If you didn't reply then she deserves a lot better, so just leave things.

Original poster
jamestaylor23 · 28/02/2022 11:12

no I did reply to that and wished her well. I didn't ghost her...I didn't bring up the rescheduling though and thought I'd give that a few days

OP posts:
JPI7 · 28/02/2022 11:21

Personally I would text today and say hope you are feeling better and do you want to book something in.

User0610134049 · 28/02/2022 11:24

It could be a flakey excuse

Or she could be genuinely unwell

If you want to see her again, give it few days then say you hope she’s feeling better and suggest a new date. Then see how she responds. It could go either way.

Houstonjane · 28/02/2022 11:32

I would send her a message saying I hope she is feeling better and does she want to go for a drink/meal/cinema etc.
At least you will know where you stand.
If the response is negative, do not let it knock your confidence, go out with your friends and have a good time. You will probably meet someone when you are least expecting it and getting on with enjoying your life.
Good luck.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 28/02/2022 11:36

Just text her and say you're hope she's feeling better and if she wants to schedule another date, to let you know. That way, the ball is firmly in her court.

Original poster
jamestaylor23 · 28/02/2022 11:49

lots of feedback here. I appreciate it..I'll drop her a message and just move on from there. If she's keen she'll make effort.

I'm not putting too much expectation on it though. I imagine from a high-quality woman there's always a flood of messages/conversations going on with these apps.

OP posts:
Original poster
jamestaylor23 · 28/02/2022 11:51

Might try to condense the follow up dates moving forward too. 7 hrs was a crazy long time to see someone for a first date. Conversation was flowing a little too well so I had no idea...by the end of the night we were both drained

OP posts:
Sfumato · 28/02/2022 11:54

I'm not liking the sound of you that much, OP. All that talk of 'seeing how to play it' and assuming she may be lying about being ill, and her being a 'high-quality woman' -- you don't sound as if you think of her as an individual human being at all, just a sort of composite Bumble woman with lots of options.

Milomonster · 28/02/2022 12:48

I’d have asked how she was and then left the ball in her court. She could have many options and prefers to date others. Maybe things settled and she didn’t like you enough after all for a second date. Hard to say.

Knutface · 28/02/2022 13:31

Did you tell her she was ‘a high quality woman’? Shock lol and are you a high quality man?

7 hours is way too long for a first meet, sounds like it was overkill and she would have preferred a slower buildup.

iwishu · 28/02/2022 21:13

You have to take a first date as a pinch of salt, no matter how much you think they like you and want to see you again, it's afterwards that counts, if they aren't engaging with you then they aren't interested.

Babadook76 · 28/02/2022 21:16

@Sfumato

I'm not liking the sound of you that much, OP. All that talk of 'seeing how to play it' and assuming she may be lying about being ill, and her being a 'high-quality woman' -- you don't sound as if you think of her as an individual human being at all, just a sort of composite Bumble woman with lots of options.
I thought that as soon as he mentioned ‘high quality woman’. There’s lots to pick apart in such a short post. I wonder what makes someone a ‘low quality’ woman?
LightSpeeds · 28/02/2022 21:38

It's impossible to say what she meant. It could have been genuine or an excuse.

I would text her again, say you hope she feels better, re-iterate that you had a great time with her and ask her to get in touch with you if she'd like to meet up again.

Then just try not to put any more thought into it unless she texts back wanting to meet.

Honeyroar · 28/02/2022 22:12

If it had been me cancelling a date because I was ill, I’d have got back in touch when I felt better to say thanks for understanding and that I was feeling better. If she’s just gone silent on you I’d let it go.

Peachtoiletpaper · 28/02/2022 23:42

A high quality woman?! What would denote a low quality woman, then?

If you want to know if there's any future then ask her out again. If it's a 'no' or an unclear fobbing off then this sometimes happens. Nothing personal. There can be chemistry and common ground on a first date so it goes well but on reflection it's not a match for whatever reason so it doesn't continue. It's important to keep your expectations in check in the early days.

UsernameInTheTown · 01/03/2022 06:33

Hugh quality woman Grin.

WaterBottle123 · 01/03/2022 07:13

'High quality women'

What a misogynistic term. I suggest you come off dating apps and learn some respect for women, your mother would be ashamed of you.

overnightangel · 01/03/2022 07:21

“You will probably meet someone when you are least expecting it and getting on with enjoying your life.”

I’m sick of reading this sort of stuff on here, it’s such nonsense.
“…Yeah just sit at home not going out and not doing anything or making an effort, the man or woman of your dreams will just fall into your lap…”