Is he ashamed of me?!

[Alecop74]

Hi all,
I’ve been with my partner for 4 months now and everything has been absolutely great and we’ve become quite Serious very fast
He’s met my daughter (she’s 9) and they get on really well.
He’s going through quite a nasty divorce (separated for over 2 years) and has 3 children from his marriage - 22 yo girl, 19 yo boy and 16 yo girl. Whilst I’m okay that I haven’t met them yet I mentioned to him the other day that I was quite nervous about meeting them - his response was “I can’t really foresee a time when you would meet them anyway” I asked him to expand and he said well it’s not like we’ll be going to family parties or anything (because he wouldn’t be going where his ex is!) and I said “what so I never meet your children?” And I told him that that wasn’t right and he would have to instigate and facilitate the meeting - so ask them if they would like to meet me! If they say no then that’s fine!
Then yesterday on a day out, we were walking holding hands and he bumped into an old friend, he let go of my hand and a chat with this friend and the friends wife, he left me standing there and didn’t introduce me! I told him it was really rude and he apologised
Now I’m worried if he’s not ever going to integrate me into his life fully - EVER?!
Is he ashamed of me?! I’m definitely not ugly 😄 (even if I say so myself)
What should I do?!
Thanks everyone

@Alecop74

Thank you 🙏🏻 I’m not taking notice of the negative judgemental comments - thank you for the sensible answer

Negative judgemental comments. Have you actually considered them properly. After all you have looked for opinions here. You introduced your 9 year old to a man you have only know for 4 months too soon I recken. Now your wondering why he won’t introduce you to his children. Too soon OP. Wise up.

4 months.

Have you opened up a joint bank account
Put him on the mortgage
Shared all finances and living expenses

No? why not, because it's all too soon.

Your daughter is the most precious thing in your world, think about her emotional needs first and foremost, she very young and has no say in how you lead your life, going slowly means you are taking her into consideration, not just to her but to onlookers.

As for his children, they are young adults and no doubt they are aware of how his relationship was with their mother at the end.
There will be a reason they do not wish to meet you and that is entirely up to them.

He obviously didn't want to introduce you to his friends, maybe they were friends with his wife and he knew they respected her and liked her very much. Probably protecting you.

It’s your responsibility to safeguard your child. Introducing some bloke you’ve known for a matter of hours at this point is really bad. Do better.

It's a big red flag, what he means by he can't ever foresee a time you'll be meeting his children and not introducing you to friends is that he doesn't want serious commitment with you, just wait and see, dating him will be all it ever will be with him.

I think 4 months is too soon to introduce you to his adult children, but to drop your hand and not introduce you to his friends is absolutely not on. You must have been both hurt and embarrassed. Please don't think he is ashamed of you but if he is not yet divorced he may not want his wife to find out about you because she may cause some kind of trouble for. Ask him why he dropped you hand like that because in my mind that is worse than not meeting his AC

Are you quite a lot younger than your boyfriend, op?

Myself, 4 months would be too soon. You just don't know someone well enough and you don't want to be in a position 5 years down the line where your dc have met more than one new person if it doesn't work out. But I have friends who are dating who've done it really early as a 'friend' and it doesn't seem to have been an issue. Instincts count for a lot.

He has the right to his own ideas about when it's right for his kids. If he's saying 'there's no need' it sounds like there's a big disconnect between his idea of what this is and yours.

Dropping your hand - if he's really 2 years separated the fact that he's not officially divorced yet is not a reason. This isnt the 50s.

This really isn't an acceptable situation. It's far too messy. He isn't thinking about a long term future with you and no way should you have introduced your daughter to a man who is basically a stranger. You must be more discerning for your daughters sake or she will get hurt over and over again.

@BabyTurtIe

Waiting for the drip feed from the op to say they’ve only been together for 4 months but she’s know him for years and years, which always happens on these threads when people are criticised for introducing a partner so quick and is obviously a lie

Ha! I've always thought this but never seen anyone mention it!