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Original poster

Talk about fantasies with DP gone wrong

48 replies

MalfunctioningRobot · 26/02/2022 08:07

DP and I were talking last night and we got onto the subject of fantasies, we both mentioned a couple of things. He said one of his was that he liked the idea of meeting a random couple in a public place and joining in with them.

I was fine talking about this, can see the appeal of most common fantasies and don’t think I’m a prude. But he added to his that if someone asked him to do that he’d say yes. I was a bit surprised he’d actually want to go through with it and said to him, if a complete stranger said come and meet us in a car park or something, you’d say yes? And he said he would.

He doesn’t mean he’d want to do this while he was with me, he knows that would cross a line for me. He would if he was single though. I feel differently about him since he said this and I can’t quite work out why. It’s not because I think he would cheat on me, and not because I have a problem with the fantasy actually being a fantasy, but the fact that he would agree to it if the opportunity arose. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m thinking about it from my point of view, and that I feel it’s quite a dangerous situation to want to put yourself in or something more. Would this be a dealbreaker for other people?

OP posts:
CrumpetStrumpet · 26/02/2022 08:11

I'm sure lots of people are going to say fantasies are just fantasies, but that would give me the ick as well. There's just something so grim and seedy about it. I'd be looking at him oddly as well in your position.

I'm assuming in his fantasies this couple are young and sexy? Not middle aged and overweight like the majority of doggers probably are!

FirstTimeSecondTime · 26/02/2022 08:14

How long have you been a couple.
I wouldn’t like this either.

Buildingthefuture · 26/02/2022 08:17

It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me. One, it’s never going to happen. Two, if it did, he’d probably be scared to death and run a mile. Three, if it DID happen, as pp said, said couple are hardly likely to be “his type” Grin. It’s a fantasy, nothing more.

user1471517095 · 26/02/2022 14:21

A male friend of mine was actually offered the chance of a FFM threesome. He always thought he would be straight in there. He was frightened to death and ran a mile! Your other half says he'd accept the invitation, but in reality he might not.

longcoffeebreak · 26/02/2022 14:24

I wouldn't be bothered as others have said he would probably run a mile. I said to my partner let's do it then in response to one of his fantasies and he was the one who bottled it!! 😀

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 14:24

He said he would only do it if he was single so I don't see the issue.

MsFrog · 26/02/2022 14:27

It's just a fantasy, people have all sorts of thoughts but like PP said it doesn't mean they would act on them. I wouldn't overthink it

MMMarmite · 26/02/2022 14:29

How long have you been together?

It wouldn't bother me in a long term happy relationship. If it was a new relationship, it might suggest amongst other indications that we weren't very compatible.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/02/2022 14:32

Bear in mind that men rarely worry about their personal safety on the same way that women have to.

To a man, a situation like this is exciting and thrilling and a chance to tick something off his bucket list. For us, it's a potential rape and murder risk to balance against the promise of sexy times.

dottydodah · 26/02/2022 14:58

TBH I really wouldnt read too much into this .Its a fantasy .In RL he would probably run a mile ,single or not! Just exploring Sexual images together is fun and brings you closer together .Dont worry Just enjoy!

Chestofdraws · 26/02/2022 15:08

Well unless he goes dogging exactly what are the odds op thay someone will rock up to him at the train station or in Asda car park and ask him if he wants to have sex with them? I mean really? What’s the odds of anyone actually doing that? 😂😂😂

ABitBesotted · 26/02/2022 15:14

Step 1: ask them their fantasies.
Step 2: get upset when they tell you their fantasies

Georgeskitchen · 26/02/2022 15:37

Its called fantasy because that's exactly what it is. When push comes to shove (no pun intended) how many of us would actually do it in real life? My guess is probably not that many!!

1forAll74 · 26/02/2022 15:56

I would probably laugh at him, and say go ahead, and then follow him to his meet up place with the random people, armed with camera or binoculars to witness the meet up scenario to see what happens next. !!

AgathaAllAlong · 26/02/2022 16:10

Would you mind if he said that if he were single, he'd agree to a one night stand with a single woman he'd met randomly? Chance encounter one night stand I'd say is a very ordinary fantasy. Would you have a problem with a threesome fantasy? Because this just seems like those two fantasies combined. I wouldn't say it's anything to worry about. Then again, only you know what you're comfortable with in a partner.

Suzi888 · 26/02/2022 16:12

@girlmom21

He said he would only do it if he was single so I don't see the issue.
^
ImInStealthMode · 26/02/2022 16:33

I couldn't get worked up about this at all. It's never actually going to happen is it, and if he's with you then he'd say no anyway. Like a PP points out above, it's an amalgamation of one-night stand and threesome fantasies, there are much much much worse things he could be thinking about!!

JeffThePilot · 26/02/2022 16:36

@CrumpetStrumpet

I'm sure lots of people are going to say fantasies are just fantasies, but that would give me the ick as well. There's just something so grim and seedy about it. I'd be looking at him oddly as well in your position.

I'm assuming in his fantasies this couple are young and sexy? Not middle aged and overweight like the majority of doggers probably are!

Overweight is not the antonym for sexy.

OP, he isn’t saying he would do it now, only if he was single. Yes, fantasies are fantasies - but I have one or two that I’d live out if I was single and the right opportunity presented itself. It’s nothing outrageous.

Watchkeys · 26/02/2022 19:18

Would this be a dealbreaker for other people

Why does this matter to you?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/02/2022 19:22

Would the fact that my DP has a harmless fantasy involving a fairly vanilla consensual scenario that he would never expect me to participate in if I didn't want to be a deal breaker?!
Why the heck would it be???

Vampirelover · 26/02/2022 19:25

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Bear in mind that men rarely worry about their personal safety on the same way that women have to.

To a man, a situation like this is exciting and thrilling and a chance to tick something off his bucket list. For us, it's a potential rape and murder risk to balance against the promise of sexy times.

I know the DP's scenario here is a 'random' couple but actually swinging is pretty safe - far more safe than dating as a woman. I'm always with my DP who is a man, we meet in person at a social before anything happens and usually read each other's verifications on fab. The chance of being raped and/or murdered on a swinging date is about 99.999% safer than on a solo tinder date.
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 26/02/2022 19:30

I read the title and was expecting him to ask you to put a nappy on him, for me that would be a dealbreaker. This, not so much. I'd mainly expect any offer of a threesome from a complete stranger to come with a coerced trip to an atm.

NobodysGonnaKnow · 26/02/2022 19:37

My significant ex ended up in a MFF threesome with his former partner and he said it was the least sexy thing ever. Never wanted to repeat it. MUCH better as a fantasy.

Plus come on. What’s the limo hood of this scenario ever taking place? I would say less than 0.000000000000% unless he engineered it first (and paid). So I’m not sure I could get worked up about it.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2022 19:40

No it wouldn't be a real breaker.

He's saying in this scenario, I'd do this, knowing the scenario will never occur. Nothing in the scenario is illegal or hurting anyone so even if it was an "actually I Did do it before I met you", he hasn't caused anyone harm or done anything bad.

Would I do it? Hell no. Would I let "us" be the couple and invite a random man for sex? Hell no. But they not what you're saying.

I v think contemplating ending a relationship over this is an over reaction and I'd wonder if this is triggering something else for you

AnyFucker · 26/02/2022 19:41

Two things never to discuss with a partner

  1. number of sexual partners

  2. fantasies, especially if they are about someone you know or a situation that is not completely impossible

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