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Original poster

Serious problem with brushing his teeth

33 replies

SummersBreeze · 25/02/2022 10:14

My partner is a good person. He would do anything for anyone. He's a good person.

I have an issue though in that he's not brushing his teeth at night time. When I request for him to brush his teeth, he shrugs it off.

This is a huge problem for me now. He had a dental abscess a few weeks ago. He was so sore. Seeing him in pain nearly killed me and knowing that I couldn't do anything to help him or take away his pain. Then there's me thinking, it's inevitable he's going to suffer more in the future considering he's not brushing his teeth at night time. He needs to brush his teeth.

I am having a difficult patch with my work lately. It's so busy and intense. So much so I was diagnosed with migraine earlier this week. I had to take time out to get medicines to get my head better. I am living in in work and it's pretty much 24/7 work. I am getting some breaks throughout but there are times when it's though - rushed meals, little sleep. I had to take time out this week to go to my GP because I was sick from migraine - it was sleep deprivation, hunger and a whole and everything out of whack and balance for me.

I had my in partner visit me for a night. He brought his toothbrush. I don't know why. He did use it in the morning to be fair. To put my tired and sore head down on a pillow beside him filled me with more sick. I am working shifts that are 18+ fucking hours a day but I am still managing to floss and brush my teeth so there's no excuse in the world for my partner not to do it. The smell from his mouth filled me with more stress to be honest. I had to use the duvet as a barrier and turn around away from him. This is so bad. The least he could do hlis brush his teeth. I wonder how would he respond if I decided to give up using deodorant and chose to smell of BO instead? I'd be sure he wouldn't be too happy.

OP posts:

CrumpetStrumpet · 25/02/2022 10:26

Why won't he brush his teeth? That's absolutely grim.

I would refuse to share a bed with him or be intimate until he does. So disrespectful that he expects you to tolerate it. It would kill my attraction stone dead.

I wouldn't be distraught at him being in pain either. It's his own stupid fault!

Ijsbear · 25/02/2022 11:12

Try to talk to him again. If that doesn't work ...

Sleep on the sofa for a few nights. If that doesn't change his mind then you have to decide: are you going to put up with this forever, or will you separate?

Sadly it's that simple.

Ijsbear · 25/02/2022 11:14

You said twice "he's a good person". It's sort of irrelevant if you can't sleep because his breath is that bad. You are not dutybound to stay with someone just becuase they are good. It simply means that the whole situation is even more frustrating but you truly cannot be expected to put up with that. It's not caveman times.

SparklingLime · 25/02/2022 11:20

He would do anything for anyone.

This isn’t actually true, is it? He won’t even brush his teeth regularly for you.

Bananalanacake · 25/02/2022 11:36

Does he shower though,

Original poster

SummersBreeze · 25/02/2022 11:40

I think his issue is that his gums bleed easily and I think he avoids brushing his teeth to avoid the blood.

OP posts:

Original poster

SummersBreeze · 25/02/2022 11:44

@Bananalanacake

Does he shower though,

He does shower.

That's not my issue though. If showering was less frequent, I could deal with that but the poor oral hygiene is an issue for me.

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 25/02/2022 11:45

He needs to brush them more if his gums bleed!

SparklingLime · 25/02/2022 11:45

@SummersBreeze

I think his issue is that his gums bleed easily and I think he avoids brushing his teeth to avoid the blood.

Then he needs to see a dentist again. But likely caused by his poor oral hygiene. The less he brushes, the more inflamed his gums will get. It’s up to him to deal with this, as he’s an adult and you’re not his parent.

Pinkbonbon · 25/02/2022 11:47

His gums bleed because of gum disease. Is he qt least using cortisol mouthwash?

Surely he could manage to brush them twice a day and use mouthwash before bed at least?

I hate to say it op but I agree with the prior posters, I would not share a bed with him until he started brushing his teeth.

I'd tell him straight 'it's disrespectful to me and I wont be putting up with it'.

Does he disrespect you in other ways?

Also...bleeding gums don't tend to hurt...

Original poster

SummersBreeze · 25/02/2022 11:48

The issue is more profound now this week because of my busy and hectic schedule. It's a schedule that is utterly insane and it has already caused me some sickness with migraine during the week. I had him over during the week and my head was tired and sore and instead of trying to fully relax I had to hang out of the bed away from him in order to breathe away from him.

Also there's no excuse for what's he's doing. Me with my dirty slave job and duties. Last Sunday was a rise at 6.15 am and I didn't finish til 1 am Sunday night/Monday morning and I still managed to use my toothbrush twice a day.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 25/02/2022 11:52

Also though op, I'd reconsider that job, too because it's making you ill.

Unless this is a very brief period and it's something you are self employed growing your own buisness for, work really shouldn't be 6am till 1am.

purplemunkey · 25/02/2022 11:53

Yuck, sorry OP I wouldn't be able to do this. One of my BILs has poor hygiene, including bad breath. I like him a lot but it's a struggle when he comes to visit as the smell honestly makes me heave. There's no way I could deal with a partner like this, I wouldn't be able to kiss him or share a bed with him.

If he already has bleeding gums and he's not brushing properly, its only going to get worse. He needs to see a dentist and get a proper treatment schedule to get things back under control.

WetLookKnitwear · 25/02/2022 11:54

His gums would be in better shape if he brushed more than once a day surely

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 25/02/2022 11:58

Just tell him! 'Your breath stinks. I don't want you in my bed until you sort it out.'

yuck.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 25/02/2022 12:28

Yuck. One of my exes used to chew on a twig instead of brushing his teeth. It didn't work, as far as I could tell.

ZestyMaximus · 25/02/2022 16:07

I think his issue is that his gums bleed easily and I think he avoids brushing his teeth to avoid the blood.

His gums bleed easily because he doesn't brush his teeth often enough.

Justcallmebebes · 25/02/2022 16:12

His gums are bleeding because he's developing gum disease through poor dental hygiene.

Can you tell him to use a soft brush and gargle with Corsodyl twice a day? That will stop the bleeding and the rancid breath

liveforsummer · 25/02/2022 16:36

Why are you so affected by someone else's self inflicted pain. You need to stop worrying about that and be clear it's a deal breaker if his breath stinks.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/02/2022 16:38

Tell him straight your breath stinks and it's making me physically sick.

wingscrow · 25/02/2022 17:09

If a man reaches adulthood without realising he needs to brush his teeth twice a day at least then I have no interested in dating him.

You are not his mother and he should be able to have a decent hygiene without you having to remind him of what he needs to do.

goawaystormy · 25/02/2022 17:49

Him not brushing his teeth repeatedly is making his breath smell. This is unpleasant for you and very unattractive. That's it, that's all that needs to be said.

You do sound very dramatic though OP.

This is excessive, to say it nearly killed you? Not to mention all the dramatic language around your job, which does sound shit, unless it's very short term one off you need to reconsider that for your health. And I wouldn't be surprised if all this drama and flowery language is taking away from your actual point - it's gross, it's unhygienic, it's unattractive, that's all the matters, just spell it out to him. And stop martyring yourself hanging out of your own bed, it doesn't sound like you live to together so it's not like it's his bed too? Tell him if he's not hygienic he's not getting in your bed.

miltonj · 25/02/2022 17:58

Don't sleep with him until he starts brushing. I'm sure he'll get the message. Although it would piss me off that it had to come to that to get him to do it, when he should just do it to be respectful and because he's an adult that shouldn't have to be nagged to clean his teeth. If he can't get on board with it, it would be a deal breaker for me. What about when you have kids and have several people to nag about teeth!!

I agree about maybe thinking about a career change too, it shouldn't be making you so poorly. Migraines are serious business.

DearlyBeloathed · 25/02/2022 18:03

How can his breath be that bad if he does brush in the mornings?

D0lphine · 25/02/2022 18:13

You're going to have to be blunt.

When you're in bed say "your breath smells. Please go and brush your teeth."

If he refuses say "this is a big issue for me. On a scale of 1 to 10, this issue is a ten. Please brush your teeth."

If he doesn't then dump him. Sorry it takes 3 mins. If he won't do this one small normal thing for you he isn't the sort of partner you want anyway.

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