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Original poster

He talked about his dating

65 replies

countrylady2 · 24/02/2022 22:56

I bumped into an old friend in the pub earlier. He saw me come out of the toilet and seemed a bit flustered and said to come and sit with him and his friends. I was madly in love with him years ago. There was a connection there but he didn't want to take it further.

Looking back he is an emotionally unavailable guy with women he has tried dating. I'm not saying he wanted to date me but he will still be single in 5 years. We are part of some outdoors groups online and he seems like he clicks like on a lot of the profiles of the women. Earlier the guys were talking about their Bumble experiences and he said he dated 2 women at the same time which he said got messy but he was annoyed he couldn't log into the app when he was not in his area in case the women knew he was still looking. I'm 38 and he is 50 and he said he has been going on dates with 36 year olds so they are younger than me. He was quite cagey more than the guys about his dating.

I know we are not dating but it's really not nice to hear his dating stories. I told the guys about my anonymous Valentines card and showed them what was written but he didn't want to look at the pictures.

OP posts:
SeeMyLanyardAndWeepBitch · 25/02/2022 06:19

So you were madly in love with him a few years ago and bumping into him has stirred up feelings for you again and got you analysing why he's still single and why he doesn't want to date you when you are clearly there for him on a plate.

You say 'he will still be single in 5 years' as though that's a lesson he needs to learn. As if he's lost out on a chance to be with you by being emotionally unavailable. But here's the thing - he's that way because he wants to be. He'll be that way forever unless/until one woman changes things for him and that's not you. Some people never change. It's not an illness that needs to be cured. They are not horses that need breaking in. Being an emotionally unavailable commitmentphobe is a perfectly valid lifestyle choice so long as you are straight with who you date about what you do and don't want from life.

Showing the Valentine's card was a way of trying to get a reaction out of him and now you are over-analysing his reaction. You are wondering if he didn't want to look because it made him jealous. Or was he playing with you by feigning jealousy? Or was it merely because he really doesn't give a shit and wasn't going to indulge you by pretending to be interested.

Who cares? Why does it matter? He's not into you. That was established years ago.

Also...did you really just 'bump into' him? Or did you engineer it somehow? Who did you leave behind in the pub that you should have been with, when you went to sit with him and his friends?

Original poster
countrylady2 · 25/02/2022 08:48

The full story is my friend was with me when I came out the toilet so she was there too. I don't want him and he sounds pathetic messing younger women around and getting annoyed he can't look at the app while his date has gone to the toilet. I can't believe a 50 year old would behave like this.

OP posts:
Bananaramad · 25/02/2022 08:56

Eh, okay. Were you his date? Did you meet his date in the toilet? When could he not look at his app when who was in the toilets? Did everyone wash their hands?

Associatepeggy · 25/02/2022 08:57

Messing with younger women? They were 2 years younger than you? So your age would have been OK but no younger?

I can't believe a 38 year old takes photos of 'anonymous' valentines cards and produces them to try and make a man who isn't interested, jealous. I don't see that was any better or worse than what he did.

If you are so appalled by him don't arrange to meet him/purposely go where he did (whichever it was) and don't spend time trying analyse his behaviour.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 25/02/2022 09:00

If you don't want him then why do you care what he does or says? And why are you taking note of exactly which profiles on a hobby group he clicks "like" on?

Leave this fool in the dust where he belongs and set your sights on the future.

JovialNickname · 25/02/2022 09:48

@Bananaramad

Eh, okay. Were you his date? Did you meet his date in the toilet? When could he not look at his app when who was in the toilets? Did everyone wash their hands?
Grin
CrumpetStrumpet · 25/02/2022 10:29

You're 38. Please stop mooning over this man
He sounds like a complete arsehole. He's 50 years old ffs! His behaviour is so unattractive.

iklboo · 25/02/2022 11:43

I don't want him and he sounds pathetic messing younger women around and getting annoyed he can't look at the app while his date has gone to the toilet. I can't believe a 50 year old would behave like this.

This gets more confusing by the minute.

Pinkbonbon · 25/02/2022 12:01

When people tell you who they are - believe them.

Thise were not dating stories. They were 'how I treat women because I hate them' stories.

You should have laughed in his face and said 'q grown mam of 50 dating two women at once and acting like the wronged party when he gets caught. Sad'. And left.

He is toxic and his friends who sat their and listened are either toxic too or codependents.

It's sad when people we like show themselves to be narcissistic arseholes who treat ppl like shit. But at 38 year old you should know by now not to give ppl like this the time of day when you see them for what they are.

Narcissists are often magnetic. There's just something about them. But it's because they reflect you back at you. Along with all the good they've stole from others. But if you truly listen to how they talk with their pals, they give themselves away by boasting and laughing about treating people badly.

Those sorts are not ppl you want in your life in any capacity.

EmmaH2022 · 25/02/2022 12:09

Are you trying to say, you are disappointed in a friend?

We aren't mind readers. Use your words.

Original poster
countrylady2 · 25/02/2022 12:13

@Pinkbonbon I think your assessment is spot on. He is a toxic mess not worth being friends with.

OP posts:
Original poster
countrylady2 · 25/02/2022 12:16

@EmmaH2022 I admit I am disappointed because I wasted so much time on this d*ckhead in the past. He still thinks it's cool to be a player and his passive friends just sit there. Another guy kept talking about these women who he thought were stunning on the app. They just seem a bunch of men who view women as objects. Why they think I want to hear this crap I don't know.

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 25/02/2022 12:27

You seem a bit overinvested in this OP.

You were mad keen on him, he was less keen and he made you aware he did not want to take things further.

Seems like you just have not got over the rejection yet.

Associatepeggy · 25/02/2022 12:31

[quote countrylady2]**@EmmaH2022* I admit I am disappointed because I wasted so much time on this dckhead in the past. He still thinks it's cool to be a player and his passive friends just sit there. Another guy kept talking about these women who he thought were stunning on the app. They just seem a bunch of men who view women as objects. Why they think I want to hear this crap I don't know.[/quote]
Then dont waste more time on him.

Dont waste time analysing him. Don't waste time, accidently on purpose, bumping into him. Or joining him for a drink.

Don't waste time engaging in similar behaviour, trying to make him jealous.

Just disengage completely.

EmmaH2022 · 25/02/2022 12:35

[quote countrylady2]**@EmmaH2022* I admit I am disappointed because I wasted so much time on this dckhead in the past. He still thinks it's cool to be a player and his passive friends just sit there. Another guy kept talking about these women who he thought were stunning on the app. They just seem a bunch of men who view women as objects. Why they think I want to hear this crap I don't know.[/quote]
It's sad when friends turn out to be crap

But don't waste any more time on them.

BuyDirt · 25/02/2022 13:27

Why they think I want to hear this crap I don't know.

Probably because you say there listening to it. No way I’d have spent more than a five minutes in their company...and that would have been booking and waiting for my Uber to arrive. And you’re still thinking about it now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

BuyDirt · 25/02/2022 13:28

SAT there listening to it

ZestyMaximus · 25/02/2022 16:03

Why they think I want to hear this crap I don't know.

If I'm talking to someone and they voluntarily stay to listen, and join in with their own stories, I'd also assume they wanted to hear what I was saying.

MsPavlichenko · 25/02/2022 16:55

Op, have you posted about this situation before as it sounds familiar. I’m assuming your club/interest group has only just started up again and that’s set all this off again.

Euiren · 25/02/2022 21:03

Lol

Lampan · 26/02/2022 04:17

But surely he can do what he likes? It’s not against the law to date multiple people or keep using dating sites to look for new people. It’s nothing to do with you.
You would have the right to be annoyed with him if you were dating him and you had both agreed to be exclusive, but other than that you have no say. Maybe you’re embarrassed that you liked someone who now behaves in a way you don’t approve of - in that case be glad you didn’t waste any time on him and try to forget the whole thing.

Original poster
countrylady2 · 26/02/2022 10:00

@Lampan I think you are right. It's embarrassing to have wasted time on a man who thinks it's ok to date and dump younger women to make himself feel better as though he has still got it. It's like it's a game. I will move on and if I see him again I will just say I can't stop.

OP posts:
velvetpeach · 26/02/2022 10:05

You sound incredibly bitter about someone you weren't even dating?! And the Valentine's card bit is just.... bizarre.

LetHimHaveIt · 26/02/2022 10:28

@MsPavlichenko

Op, have you posted about this situation before as it sounds familiar. I’m assuming your club/interest group has only just started up again and that’s set all this off again.
Is it Scouts?
LetHimHaveIt · 26/02/2022 10:33

I'm afraid I'm not as certain as everyone else that a) he's an arsehole and b) you deserve more. I mean - he very probably is a dickhead, but he's not exactly concealing it, is he? Whereas you're making a few noises about how awful he is, while everything else suggests your undercrackers would be on his bedroom floor in about 17 seconds, if he said the word. And the whole 'pictures of my Valentine's card on my phone' and 'bumping into him' bs is fairly infantile.