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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fiancé liking pictures

46 replies

m1r14m · 22/02/2022 22:41

How do you all feel about your partner liking other girls pictures? I don't care when he likes his friends pictures etc, but I've seen recently him liking lots of girls we know bikini pics, one of the girls he's slept with and I can't help but feel extremely uncomfortable, insecure and annoyed about it. How does it make everyone else feel? Am I being dramatic and too insecure or what?😫

OP posts:
Saysama · 22/02/2022 22:43

You’re tracking his likes on social media? Why, exactly?

And can you articulate why this is making you uncomfortable?

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/02/2022 22:49

I feel like it's Envy and I'd reconsider the relationship. It's just a little sleazy and that doesn't work for me.

Other people feel differently.

supercali77 · 22/02/2022 22:49

No, photos specifically taken to show body/sexy selfies and partner liking them would be totally out of the question for me. Especially someone I knew or an ex. Its a matter of respect

Mam576 · 22/02/2022 23:03

I would be really annoyed at this, I would ask him
Why he feels the need to do this? It’s disrespectful

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 22/02/2022 23:03

This always goes one of 2 ways:

Some will say it doesn't bother them in the slightest, they wouldn't have their man controlling what posts they like on social media, you obviously have no self esteem and are too insecure to be in a relationship - your DP should run for the hills before you put a tracker in his car.

Others will say it's disrespectful of your partner to be liking pictures of scantily clad women and is the equivalent of him winking at a woman in a bar whilst you're sat next to him.

If you're uncomfortable with it that's all that matters.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 22/02/2022 23:21

Yuck , that’s particularly sleazy, esp if you both know them.

m1r14m · 22/02/2022 23:23

@Saysama

You’re tracking his likes on social media? Why, exactly?

And can you articulate why this is making you uncomfortable?

I'm not 'tracking his likes' I follow the girls and the photos come up on my feed and his name is always first to come up under the photo..🤔
OP posts:
Saysama · 22/02/2022 23:25

And can you articulate why this is making you uncomfortable?

m1r14m · 22/02/2022 23:25

@CamsPaisleyCuffs

This always goes one of 2 ways:

Some will say it doesn't bother them in the slightest, they wouldn't have their man controlling what posts they like on social media, you obviously have no self esteem and are too insecure to be in a relationship - your DP should run for the hills before you put a tracker in his car.

Others will say it's disrespectful of your partner to be liking pictures of scantily clad women and is the equivalent of him winking at a woman in a bar whilst you're sat next to him.

If you're uncomfortable with it that's all that matters.

I'm insecure as not happy with my body in the slightest having had two children and one only 5 months ago but I'm taking the steps to change that but the mindset of yourself is harder to change I think😫 I think the one he liked of the girl he's slept with bothered me more, just makes me feel uncomfortable
OP posts:
m1r14m · 22/02/2022 23:25

@Saysama

And can you articulate why this is making you uncomfortable?
He's slept with them for one
OP posts:
m1r14m · 22/02/2022 23:27

@Mam576

I would be really annoyed at this, I would ask him Why he feels the need to do this? It’s disrespectful
Yeah I feel it's disrespectful as everyone can see he's liked it also
OP posts:
MrsIglesias · 22/02/2022 23:28

Quite odd. Im not jealous but it's weird. Likes send a message,we know that. I wouldn't like it at all. Have a convo, be honest and calm and listen and let us know what happens!

EarthSight · 22/02/2022 23:28

It's inappropriate behaviour. I have the impressions that a lot of young women feel like they have to put up with this type of 'fishing' and other dodgy online behaviour.

It's true that some people to like things without much thought, a lot of these men know full well that what they're doing is saying 'Hey! I find you attractive!!'......hoping one day, that message will come in useful on a rainy day. They're disrespectful opportunists.

EarthSight · 22/02/2022 23:31

@Saysama

You’re tracking his likes on social media? Why, exactly?

And can you articulate why this is making you uncomfortable?

Stop lowering the bar for women, ffs.

People like you are the reason why women out up with all kinds of blurry, dodgy, disrespectful behaviour.

Saysama · 22/02/2022 23:33

@EarthSight People like me who ask questions and ask women to articulate what exactly is making them uncomfortable are the reason that women put up with dodgy, disrespectful behaviour? That’s certainly an interesting theory.

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 22/02/2022 23:41

@Saysama I can't decide if you are being deliberately obtuse or trying to help the OP?

Her fiance is liking pictures of women in bikinis and that makes her feel like shit. It really doesn't take a degree in psychology to understand why a woman who is 5 months post partum, feeling knackered, probably half the woman she was a few years ago and now thinks her fiance has a wandering eye might be feeling a tad uncomfortable with what he is doing.

Saysama · 22/02/2022 23:49

@CamsPaisleyCuffs I asked the OP if she could say why this makes her uncomfortable. There are myriad possible reasons. Is it insecurity? Is it because she feels it’s disrespectful? Is it because she his concerns around his fidelity? Is it something else? And there was nothing about her being post partum, or any other additional information at the point I asked.

Asking someone to express what exactly is making them unhappy isn’t being ‘wilfully obtuse’ in my book. I find linear thought and talking things through to be pretty helpful, personally. If you don’t, that’s grand. You don’t have to do it.

Malibu19880 · 23/02/2022 00:19

These posts always erupt into arguments. It’s so frustrating.

The bottom line is this: YOU set the boundaries of your relationship. If you do not like this behaviour and it makes you feel uncomfortable, you need to communicate this to your partner so they know how it makes you feel.

Your feelings are valid. How other people conduct their relationships is their business and their opinions don’t really matter. What matters is how you feel. Talk to him. See his reaction. I always say this but his reaction to the conversation will tell you all you need to know.

(For the record this kind of slimy social media stuff is a dealbreaker for me and I’ve made that very clear in my own relationship)

Sonaftersonafterson · 23/02/2022 00:44

Ah its shit. You know it we know it he bloody knows it. Social media bullshit. Disrespectful

user1481840227 · 23/02/2022 03:22

[quote Saysama]@EarthSight People like me who ask questions and ask women to articulate what exactly is making them uncomfortable are the reason that women put up with dodgy, disrespectful behaviour? That’s certainly an interesting theory.[/quote]
On the thread yesterday you said a 45 year old married man liking all of his 24 year olds colleagues revealing pictures is standard behaviour and that people having a problem with it were living on the knife edge of hysteria and paranoia.

You have an agenda when you ask your questions.
People come on here having a very normal response to behaviour that many people find to be upsetting, disrespectful and in some cases relationship ending.

It's not the type of behaviour where if people dissect all of their reasons for not liking the behaviour they suddenly have a new perspective and are then ok with the behaviour and are happy for it to continue.

So you're asking because you have an agenda and want to try to convince people that harmful relationship behaviour that they are experiencing is ok and that the only issues are in their head!

MsDogLady · 23/02/2022 04:01

OP, this is just one more example of how your Partner treats you with utter contempt. How much longer will you tolerate his degradation?

His ‘Liking’ the bikini shots of his former sex partner and women you know clearly shows his weak boundaries and faithless agenda. He gains gratification from seeking their attention and trying his chances.

You’ve previously detailed how he causes you untold stress with his alcoholism, staying out, and ‘tough shit’ attitude, this while you’ve been juggling your challenging 5 yr old, pregnancy, and unsettled baby who has CMPA.

When you got pregnant, he vowed to cut down on his drinking to be supportive, but instead it has escalated. He stays out every weekend, and at home he drinks until 5 or 6 a.m. He ruined your birthday and told you to stop moaning. After your baby shower, he drank with his brother until 10 a.m., and again made false promises to cut down. Responding to your fear that he’d be too drunk to drive you to the hospital for the birth, he said if that happened, he had friends who could drive you.

Last September when your baby was 11 days old and you felt unwell, against your wishes he brought 5 friends over and they drank until 1 a.m. You sat upstairs all that time crying and breast feeding the baby, feeling uncomfortable in your own home. A few weeks ago, after arriving home from your date-night, he sneaked off without telling you and turned his phone off, and then came in at 5:30. He said he’d met up with friends. He felt entitled, didn’t apologize, and dismissed your anger.

He suffers from bulimia and vomits multiple times a day. He won’t clean up after himself, so you scrub and bleach the toilet, floor, walls and sink 3-4 times daily—and did so even while pregnant.

OP, you’ve gone from one abusive relationship to another. You and the children are living in an emotionally destructive, alcoholic home. In your shoes, making an exit plan would be my number 1 priority. He’s dragging you all down into the gutter. Flowers

MsDogLady · 23/02/2022 04:48

….taking his chances.

ChargingBuck · 23/02/2022 09:56

I'd feel that he was a sad & embarrassing perv.
I wouldn't feel it reflected on me in any way, so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable, insecure and annoyed about it. Just faintly revolted, while I made my exit plans & left him to like as many virtual women as he wants to.

ChargingBuck · 23/02/2022 09:59

[quote Saysama]@CamsPaisleyCuffs I asked the OP if she could say why this makes her uncomfortable. There are myriad possible reasons. Is it insecurity? Is it because she feels it’s disrespectful? Is it because she his concerns around his fidelity? Is it something else? And there was nothing about her being post partum, or any other additional information at the point I asked.

Asking someone to express what exactly is making them unhappy isn’t being ‘wilfully obtuse’ in my book. I find linear thought and talking things through to be pretty helpful, personally. If you don’t, that’s grand. You don’t have to do it.[/quote]
Nice backtracking @Saysama, but no cigar.

OP articulates in her opening post the exact reasons she feels uncomfortable. Why don't you use your much-vaunted "linear thought" & go back & read it?

ChargingBuck · 23/02/2022 10:02

Jeeze @MsDogLady

OP - what support do you have in real life?
What help do you need, to get away from this hideous specimen of a man?