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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fiancé liking pictures

46 replies

m1r14m · 22/02/2022 22:41

How do you all feel about your partner liking other girls pictures? I don't care when he likes his friends pictures etc, but I've seen recently him liking lots of girls we know bikini pics, one of the girls he's slept with and I can't help but feel extremely uncomfortable, insecure and annoyed about it. How does it make everyone else feel? Am I being dramatic and too insecure or what?😫

OP posts:
LemonTT · 23/02/2022 10:04

The OP is clearly someone in the camp of I don’t like it because it is disrespectful and hurtful. It is damaging her self esteem.

There’s no point in having a referendum on other people’s opinions. The OP needs to speak to him about it and be clear about her feelings and her boundaries. The question is really why hasn’t she done that and why does she feel trapped or helpless to react to this.

Watchkeys · 23/02/2022 10:05

If your partner does something, and you don't like it, tell them. If they keep doing it, they value doing that thing more highly than they value your comfort/happiness.

It doesn't matter what the thing is. If you don't like him eating strawberry jam, if you don't like him wearing a hat, if you don't like him going on a bus, you still simply tell him that whatever the thing is makes you uncomfortable. Even if it's completely 'out there', a decent partner will calmly talk to you about it, and either stop doing it, or try to find a way to reassure you, or try to find a compromise.

Have you told him you don't like it? If yes, what did he say? If no, what stops you? There's nothing insecure or dramatic about saying 'When you do x/y/z, I feel a/b/c.' And that's all you have to do.

CrumpetStrumpet · 23/02/2022 10:07

His behaviour is sleazy and disrespectful.

There is absolutely zero need for any partnered man to be liking pictures like this on SM. Any man with half a brain knows it is disrespectful to their partner.

girlmom21 · 23/02/2022 10:08

I wouldn't put up with it OP. I'd feel like I wasn't enough.

ohdear10 · 23/02/2022 10:10

He can like it in his head.

Clicking like is to get attention from the poster, it's unnecessary. Like it, but you don't have to like it.

BraveGoldie · 23/02/2022 10:23

I think it's just a typical unthinking man thing to do. He's not doing anything hidden as hell know you can see. It's just not occurred to him.

Just tell him how you feel and ask him not to do it?

Watchkeys · 23/02/2022 10:40

@BraveGoldie

I think it's just a typical unthinking man thing to do. He's not doing anything hidden as hell know you can see. It's just not occurred to him.

Just tell him how you feel and ask him not to do it?

So that he won't do it because he's a good boy? That's not going to help, even if he obeys.
billy1966 · 23/02/2022 10:41

@MrsTerryPratchett

I feel like it's Envy and I'd reconsider the relationship. It's just a little sleazy and that doesn't work for me.

Other people feel differently.

This.

I wouldn't have any interest in marrying a man like that.

Why bother?

billy1966 · 23/02/2022 10:46

@MsDogLady

OP, this is just one more example of how your Partner treats you with utter contempt. How much longer will you tolerate his degradation?

His ‘Liking’ the bikini shots of his former sex partner and women you know clearly shows his weak boundaries and faithless agenda. He gains gratification from seeking their attention and trying his chances.

You’ve previously detailed how he causes you untold stress with his alcoholism, staying out, and ‘tough shit’ attitude, this while you’ve been juggling your challenging 5 yr old, pregnancy, and unsettled baby who has CMPA.

When you got pregnant, he vowed to cut down on his drinking to be supportive, but instead it has escalated. He stays out every weekend, and at home he drinks until 5 or 6 a.m. He ruined your birthday and told you to stop moaning. After your baby shower, he drank with his brother until 10 a.m., and again made false promises to cut down. Responding to your fear that he’d be too drunk to drive you to the hospital for the birth, he said if that happened, he had friends who could drive you.

Last September when your baby was 11 days old and you felt unwell, against your wishes he brought 5 friends over and they drank until 1 a.m. You sat upstairs all that time crying and breast feeding the baby, feeling uncomfortable in your own home. A few weeks ago, after arriving home from your date-night, he sneaked off without telling you and turned his phone off, and then came in at 5:30. He said he’d met up with friends. He felt entitled, didn’t apologize, and dismissed your anger.

He suffers from bulimia and vomits multiple times a day. He won’t clean up after himself, so you scrub and bleach the toilet, floor, walls and sink 3-4 times daily—and did so even while pregnant.

OP, you’ve gone from one abusive relationship to another. You and the children are living in an emotionally destructive, alcoholic home. In your shoes, making an exit plan would be my number 1 priority. He’s dragging you all down into the gutter. Flowers

Mother of God, liking pictures is the very least of your troubles.

Your poor children.

Women's aid is who you should be contacting.

Saysama · 23/02/2022 11:21

@user1481840227 My ‘agenda’ is that I disagree with you. As I said on the Instagram thread, yesterday. The fact that this apparently makes you apoplectic is your problem, but mine.

Saysama · 23/02/2022 11:24

*not mine

LightSpeeds · 23/02/2022 11:32

No, it's not good behaviour and if there are other problems in the relationship as mentioned above then you should be seriously thinking about moving on.

He doesn't sound like much of a catch...

BraveGoldie · 24/02/2022 17:17

*BraveGoldie:
I think it's just a typical unthinking man thing to do. He's not doing anything hidden as hell know you can see. It's just not occurred to him. Just tell him how you feel and ask him not to do it?

Watchkeys: So that he won't do it because he's a good boy? That's not going to help, even if he obeys.*

@Watchkeys I'm confused. Your post just before mine was giving the same advice - to simply ask him not to do it. And if this were an isolated problem, I think it's what is needed.

However, no matter. With the greater context supplied by some other posters, this guy is obviously an all round abusive shit, so liking photos really isn't the issue and asking him not to obviously isn't the solution.

So my updated advice, assuming all that extra context is true, would be to escape as soon as you can, any way you can OP. You and your children deserve much better.

Watchkeys · 24/02/2022 17:33

@BraveGoldie

Same advice for different reasons. The reason is to do with OP's frame of mind, so worth making sure she's doing it for the right reason.

Sorry you're confused, I thought it was clear. There's no reason to point out 'this is what unthinking men do'

As you say, no matter. Better off out of the whole thing.

bongobingo43 · 24/02/2022 17:42

I think im pretty relaxed and I dont care if a bf likes bikini pics of celebs/models etc. Nor do I mind if he likes pics of females who are genuine friends.

What I would mind is him liking scantily clad pics of women he's previously slept with

Bookworm20 · 24/02/2022 19:27

Nah. He’d be an ex fiancé if mine did that.
It’s grim and disrespectful.
And he knows it.

Your self esteem is likely low because you are with a superficial dick like this.

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 24/02/2022 21:10

@CrumpetStrumpet

His behaviour is sleazy and disrespectful.

There is absolutely zero need for any partnered man to be liking pictures like this on SM. Any man with half a brain knows it is disrespectful to their partner.

I agree with this. My ex used to follow (and be followed by) women whose photos were generally scantily clad when he was single. Once he met me he deleted them all without me saying anything. He didn't actually know I even knew this as the only reason I did was because I'd had a snoop on his SM before our first date!

Point being, people (not just men) know if they're consistently liking photos that are of that ilk they are disrespecting their partner and sending a message to the recipient.

wingscrow · 24/02/2022 22:03

There are so many threads like this.

It really is quite bizarre that so many men seem unable not to spend half their time looking at random women on social media and liking/commenting on their pictures to the point of it becoming an addiction rather than focusing on the real life woman they are actually dating/living with/having sex with.

Sleazy and disrespectful.

SunflowerTed · 24/02/2022 23:26

He should have better things to do with His time!!

Crikeyalmighty · 25/02/2022 08:38

I honestly think some women struggle to understand human nature. We all want to feel special if we have a partner, even if that partners a bit of a c*. Any bloke worth his salt stops this if he knows it upsetsa partner or doesn’t do it in the first place— it doesn’t matter if it’s illogical andmeans nothing- to the other partner it seems to devalue any specialness (well most women)

Saysama · 26/02/2022 13:52

@Crikeyalmighty

I honestly think some women struggle to understand human nature. We all want to feel special if we have a partner, even if that partners a bit of a c*. Any bloke worth his salt stops this if he knows it upsetsa partner or doesn’t do it in the first place— it doesn’t matter if it’s illogical andmeans nothing- to the other partner it seems to devalue any specialness (well most women)
We don’t ‘all’ feel or want the same things. Your desires and emotions are not universal. The women who ‘struggle to understand human nature’ are human, as well. And it’s not our nature. So, what we ‘struggle to understand’ is your specific nature, much as you clearly struggle to understand ours.
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