Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Did I deserve to be sowrn at?

67 replies

Question887 · 22/02/2022 15:24

Just a quick question, obviously wider issues but he makes me think I'm going crazy sometimes so need to check if I was wrong here.

Background. I do every single bit of house work, cooking etc. I only work part time but partner works even less, share a 2 year old son.

Today I'm working at home, only 6 hours so not long at all. Between my working day I have already been out for an appointment and got to take my son to his dad's.

Partner looking after our son today because I'm working, he does this twice a week. I've been downstairs 3 times during my working day to wash up and clean the kitchen after him. Also, done the hoovering and washing during my working day when I get a 5 min break and watched our son 20 min during work for partner to use bathroom (spends ages on toilet) and not had time for shower myself yet.

He spends the morning playing on phone/TV and letting son watch TV/play on phone. We always take him out during the day, he finally gets him out at 1.45 and back half hr later. I hear him come in and DS wants to stay out and he's saying your mum will take you out. Bear in mind I've not even showered or eaten lunch at 3pm and he's had all day. I finish work and he's on Xbox, son on phone. So I say (probably where I'm in the wrong) that seen as I've worked 3 times as many hours as him, done all house work and not had lunch it would have been nice if he could have taken DS out a bit longer as he's been on the phone a lot.

He said he hadn't had time to take him out because of work (he's working 3.30-5.30), so I say he's had until 3.30 to do something and he's told me to fuck off (in front of child). I've asked him not to swear at me and I should be able to discuss things without being sworn at and he said I'm having a go at him, he's not in the mood for me and stomped off.

Im so fed up of doing everything and not being able to raise any issue without being seen as a depressive/having issues/being sqorn at.

So question. How do I raise issues without being told I'm miserable/depressive/being sworn at??

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/02/2022 22:21

I've never felt so uncared for in a relationship

Good God woman, LEAVE!

There will be a way. Talk to friends and family. Get a loan. Talk to a women's charity. Go to a refuge if you have to. He is awful and this is starting to escalate.

Do you not see that this puts you and your DC at risk?

Original poster

Question887 · 22/02/2022 22:25

Honestly, a loan is not going to get me far and I only work part time with 2 children. I'd never be able to pay money back and pay to rent around here. Honestly, there are no properties in the area. My eldest has school, I have a job. I'm going to increase my work hours soon though so I can put more money away.

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/02/2022 22:34

Well, you need to do something or this will be the rest of your life.

Please talk to friends and family.

velvetpeach · 22/02/2022 22:45

Why keep posting if you have no intention of changing anything or taking any advice?! It's so disingenuous!

velvetpeach · 22/02/2022 22:56

You posted looking for advice to get him to marry you last month so I think you need to look at what you actually want to be honest. It seems it's more about your lifestyle and status than actual emotional stability or happiness. That's fine, but own it.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/02/2022 23:32

@Question887

With regards to money, I dropped a day's work when our child was born because he didnt think he could physically cope with him 3 full days a week. He earns a very very high hourly wage, so more than enough. He pays the rent and I pay bills, the rent is extortionate.

I walked upstairs loudly, got dressed. Told him I was going and when he came down to have DS I left for yoga.

How do all these useless, incompetent, pointless, dysfunctional, toxic, antisocial and lazy people like this fool earn a "very very high hourly wage"?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/02/2022 23:33

@velvetpeach

Oh God no is this someone who has name changed? If that is the case sorry, no sympathy, you reap what you sow and you are damaging your child. Nice one.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 22/02/2022 23:34

This is not the person who was posting months ago about a lazy useless partner who was a doctor is it?

velvetpeach · 22/02/2022 23:38

Another marriage one... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4461712-Another-marriage-one

Every couple of months she name changes and posts the same stuff, people give time and advice, she says she's unhappy, but won't do anything to change it. I think the lure of a four-bedroom house with a GP is more important than the mental well-being of her and her son. Fair enough, but fucking own it!

RantyAunty · 22/02/2022 23:49

Once again, leave.
That's not the only house or the only job.
He'll have to pay you child maintenance.
You only have one life. Do you really want to be posting about this same lazy twat 5 or 10 years from now?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 23/02/2022 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

coldfeetmama · 23/02/2022 09:34

I do not believe that this isn't the Dr
I'm out

Lunificent · 23/02/2022 09:55

In the short/medium term while you’re saving up money (hopefully to leave) you could try shifting your mindset by mentally checking out of the relationship, imagining you’re already a single parent and living your life as if you are.

Itstimetoquit · 23/02/2022 16:12

He talks to you like that because he thinks he can,he sounds awful,ltb

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 23/02/2022 21:03

@coldfeetmama

I do not believe that this isn't the Dr I'm out

It is the same person, I would bet my granny's jewellery on it. I commented on the same lines as another poster further upthread, but in a bit stronger terms and had the comment removed as someone must have complained. I feel that the OP doesn't want help. I find it so strange that someone would post at such length, and posters would find the time to read and post lengthy comments too, but they are ignored and we are told how much she loves this loser, and we then get yet another long post about essentially the same thing. It is not helping anyone.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 23/02/2022 21:05

@Question887

Just a quick question, obviously wider issues but he makes me think I'm going crazy sometimes so need to check if I was wrong here.

Background. I do every single bit of house work, cooking etc. I only work part time but partner works even less, share a 2 year old son.

Today I'm working at home, only 6 hours so not long at all. Between my working day I have already been out for an appointment and got to take my son to his dad's.

Im so fed up of doing everything and not being able to raise any issue without being seen as a depressive/having issues/being sqorn at.

So question. How do I raise issues without being told I'm miserable/depressive/being sworn at??

You already know the answer to the question in your heading is a big fat NO.

flowerschocandchampagne · 23/02/2022 22:56

You need to make plans and leave. Move areas if needs be. Your children can make new friends but they will find it a whole lot harder to unlearn what you and your "D"h are teaching them.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread