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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Houseless with three kids.

80 replies

Zippydedoo · 20/02/2022 11:35

We have split up. We have 3 small boys. My Ex fiance owns the house outright. I have nothing of any value really. I have put my career on hold to support him, I have toiled away helping to renovate the house. I have spent any spare cash I had on and in the house and on the kids. I have no savings. I work. We were about to get married and he has cancelled the wedding. I know I'm not entitled to anything, he has offered that I stay in the home while I sort myself out, along as I can pay the bills or give him enough money to rent a place for him. He is eventually going to sell the house and have a new start. We have been together for a very long time.
I am angry at myself and I am sad but I need to get practical. Where do I start? I have spoken to the council but we have no council housing stock in our ward- it was sold off.

OP posts:
chesirecat99 · 20/02/2022 13:43

Have you spoke to a lawyer? Although you don't have rights to the property, the children do have rights under Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989:

www.incourt.co.uk/post/schedule-1-of-the-childrens-act-1989

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 20/02/2022 13:48

Do not agree he has the dc. Fuck me what sort of poster suggests that??
The local authority need to help. Or ask for their list of accredited landlords. They can help with bond /deposits if you use from the list...

MrsBlaue · 20/02/2022 14:09

If the children are his, he will have to share “his” property.

(1) You need to get to a family law solicitor ASAP, do a quick google search because lots offer a free consultation. DO NOT just walk away, DO NOT deprive your children.

(2) Lodge a UC claim right now and start looking on Rightmove, the rent section. Fingers crossed you’re not in the South East and property is still a realistic prospect.

(3) Do not rush the process. Do not leave the house for the first crappy property that turns up. Your children are perfectly entitled to this house, and will always be.

Italiangreyhound · 20/02/2022 14:13

Do not give up the children or move out.

Seek help from every possible avenue and speak to a family solicitor.

Zippydedoo I am so sorry this has happened. Why has be changed his mind from wanting to marry to wanting a fresh start? Is there another woman?

"And you know what the more I think and write the more I see how hurt I am about the future we were going to have. I am 39 and I feel 89. I don't think he will see us destitute, he is extremely proud so he wouldn't want other people to see him as a shitty person."

Of course you are hurt. Do not do anything hastily. Do not move out or make his life any easier. Seek help and do not give him full care or even 50-50 of such young children who he appears to care so little for.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/02/2022 14:23

Sit tight, and get proper legal advice. Do not move out until you've got proper advice.

lostoldname · 20/02/2022 15:12

Would you be eligible for housing benefit if you did rent the house from him.

MalbecandToast · 20/02/2022 15:21

Absolutely do not leave without the DC, it will be incredibly hard to get them back with you if he decides to be a shit.

M0RVEN · 20/02/2022 15:37

Please get legal advice now.

Contact the RCN advice line and the cavell trust linked to above.

Don’t leave the house and certainly don’t leave the children. Don’t agree to do so in the future.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 20/02/2022 16:37

He sounds like a shit who thinks he is a good man and can't see himself for what he really is.

Can you private rent? You have a good job and will build yourself up again, it just seems insurmountable at the moment.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 20/02/2022 16:42

You may be able to get Beneficial Interest on the property if you have been contributing towards it.
Legal aid my help.

pollygartertidywife · 20/02/2022 17:11

Zippydedoo You really do need to see a lawyer . There are provisions for your situation. The father of the children needs to house them. You can make an application for this under
Under the Children Act 1989 you can apply to the court for maintenance payments, a lump sum or the transfer of property into your sole name. When deciding an application the court will consider all the circumstances in the case including the welfare of the child and the following factors:
the income, earning capacity, property and financial resources of both parties now and in the future
the financial needs, obligations and responsibilities of the parties now and in the future;
the financial needs of the child
the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources of the child;
the physical or mental disability of the child and
how the child is or is expected to be educated

Don't just roll over. You (actually it's your children) have more rights than you realise - but it is not straightforward.
The advice is still essential to get married before having children to prevent exactly this happening.

NowEvenBetter · 20/02/2022 17:52

She can’t just ‘don’t leave the house’, she has no right to be there, the owner could change his tune and remove her from his house and change the locks at any point. That’s what she needs to plan for-not having the security of a place of residence. Hopefully she can find a place at a refuge or other suggested places on the thread.

VioletCharlotte · 20/02/2022 18:29

I'm confused as to why people are talking about refuges. The OP's DH has said she can stay in the property while she gets things sorted, she's not being thrown out in the streets and he isn't abusing her.

OP - I'm sure you're really upset right now and can't think straight, but having a plan will make you feel in control. Use a benefits calculator to work out what benefit you're entitled to. Check how much maintenance DH should be paying you and have a conversation with him about it. Look into private rentals locally and find out how much deposit you need. Talk to DH about whether he'll pay the deposit for you. If he won't/can't, look into whether your LA have a tenancy deposit scheme. I know this all seems overwhelming, but the sooner you know where you stand the better. Do you have family or friends who can support you?

OzziePopPop · 20/02/2022 19:13

@Zippydedo please urgently get legal advice. You may well be entitled to some part of the house as you’ve been engaged and have kids. It isn’t as cut and dried as you might think. Honestly.

Suzi888 · 20/02/2022 21:06

You need to see a solicitor, you will be entitled to a share of the property

lisaandalan · 20/02/2022 22:38

Would you not move out of your ward. ? X

NowEvenBetter · 21/02/2022 11:33

@Suzi888

You need to see a solicitor, you will be entitled to a share of the property
How did you work that out?
NeedAHoliday2021 · 21/02/2022 11:57

Check as you may be entitled to something. My friend owner her home outright and boyfriend moved in, 10 years later they split and she had to pay him money for his input into the home. It was some weird caveat. They didn’t even have dc.

newbiename · 21/02/2022 13:29

@Suzi888

You need to see a solicitor, you will be entitled to a share of the property
She won't. They aren't married and it's his house
Cheekypeach · 21/02/2022 13:36

You need to be practical OP. How reasonable is your ex? Would he give you the money for a deposit and a couple of months rent elsewhere?

See a solicitor. You need to find out if you have any claim to the money tied up in the house, especially as you’ve been contributing to bills and decorating etc. Have you got receipts for this?

Stop breastfeeding and co-sleeping if youngest is over 1. You can’t afford to be exhausted on top of everything else at the moment. You need quality sleep to keep your mind healthy.

Go on Entitled To to find out what you might be entitled to benefits-wise

Good luck

Suzi888 · 21/02/2022 17:54

@NowEvenBetter happened to my friends sister, she got a cut. Didn’t work, didn’t contribute anything financially.

Georgeskitchen · 21/02/2022 18:21

Are you sure your not entitled to anything? Have you sought legal advice?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 21/02/2022 20:27

First step apply for UC as you're seperated, even if it is under one roof. Then apply for child support. Then when you know what you're working with start looking to see what your rental options are. Is there anywhere cheaper to rent nearby? If DC aren't in school there may be a little more leeway to move. Is there family or friends you can stay with for a few weeks while UC gets sorted? Doesn't need to be nearby as just temporary. I wouldn't be leaving DC with a disinterested parent. If there's no way you can afford to rent you might need your ExP to officially give you a letter of eviction so you can go to the council as homeless and go into temporary accommodation. In my case I'd be doing this before leaving the DC with their father, though H is emotionally abusive and gets angry easily as well as the whole Disney Dad thing.

AliceW89 · 21/02/2022 20:42

I hope (/pray) that it isn’t legally possible for a man to decide that he just can’t be bothered with his family anymore and can just make them homeless, even if he isn’t married to their mother? He may well owe nothing to you (which is sh*t), but if he’s planning on being an EOW dad, what does he envisage happening to his kids the rest of time if he knows full well their mother cannot be financially independent, largely due to his doing? Just to echo others please, please don’t take this lying down and seek legal advice. Don’t leave the house and don’t hand over the kids to him until you’ve been through all options with a solicitor.

Summersnake · 21/02/2022 20:54

My friend had 2 children with her dp ,he owned house outright,he ended it after 10 years .she got £40 ,ooo via solicitor when she moved out .
So book solicitor asap

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