I don’t mind people believing conspiracy theories. I did watch some of them myself, some of them are interesting and I think some of them are possible to be true. But for my wife (we are not married, but I will call her that) conspiracies became her reality. Conspiracies – are only possible reality for her. This is now so bad… It’s her only interest now, everything on YouTube, Facebook, etc. wherever possible is her conspiracy stuff. Whenever she has some free time, guess what she does? Of course, she either talks with her fellow conspiracists online or watches them on YouTube.
It all wouldn’t be so bad, if we wouldn’t have a son, he is 2 years old now. Of course our son did not had his immunisations because of her. Of course our son listens to whatever she is listening and watching. That is just a beginning. She is planning not to take our son to nursery or even school… The reason is, according to her words – “They can come and vaccinate our son without our knowledge in school”. Another reason – kids become aggressive in school, they swear, etc. Now, I agree with her second statement. I am extremely depressed when I hear children age 10 or something walking and every second word they say is f**ck. But then I think, if he won’t go to government school and stay at home, he will still need to do something with his life in the future – go to college, university, work... So if he will be taught at home, isolated from everyone, he will be like a caveman and I think it will be a massive shock to him later to see real people and how they act. It might be just too much for him.
But in general, I think I wouldn’t mind home teaching. By someone smart. Which is not my wife. We are originally from Europe and living in the UK at the moment. UK is where our son was born. My wife does not speak English. Just basic stuff. So she will need to teach our son in English, without knowing English and I am employed full-time… She says: “I don’t know how I will teach him. Somehow”…
I might not have proved yet how bad her brain now with conspiracies. Here are some of her gems. Once she saw a Boris Johnson on newspaper, or online (cannot remember exactly now), she looked at him and said: “Look at him. This is not a Boris Johnson. He doesn’t even look like Boris Johnson. It’s his clone. There are many clones now. Real BJ has probably already payed for his deeds”. Bear in mind, dear readers, there was not a slight shade of joke in what she said. Not at all. This was said in the very seriousness.
I cannot speak with her much about stuff any longer, because, like I said, her reality are conspiracies and most stuff that we would speak about would eventually turn into her conspiracies. For example, we were driving once and I said: “The traffic is just too much, never happened here before, what’s going on”? And she replied: “Oh, you cannot even imagine what’s going on in the world”. Obviously, referring to something from her conspiracies, as, like I said before, it is the only thing she is watching. Another time, I just said: “There was a shooting in Plymouth recently, some guy just shot people”. She replied: “Yeah, he probably took the vaccine and it affected him this way, so he started shooting”...
Can you see…
I will admit – I didn’t take the vaccine myself. I am somewhat scared. But I don’t think I can think clearly now. My wife just spoke too much about it and I am not sure now, where is my opinion and my decision and where is hers inside my head.
We had a Covid not that long ago. I’ve done lateral flow test. My partner didn’t. According to her, tests are killing people and give them cancer. After the test I told her I have Covid, to which she replied: “I have my own opinion. It’s just a flu”.
Soon after we recovered from Covid, I phoned health care visitor and expressed my concerns. It wasn’t as detailed as this post I am writing, but I let them know the general idea of what is happening. Outcome – they just can’t do anything about it…
After reading this, many of you might say: “You are the father, why are you not doing anything about it???” I will explain everything, it is not that simple. If it would be, I wouldn’t post this in here. I need help, any help.
I am afraid for my son and what future he will have with this type of mother. I know, she loves him, she does, but the functionality of her brain is deteriorating. Rather than spending time with our son, teach him something whenever she has spare time, instead she goes to her laptop or tablet and immerse in the world of conspiracies… The only time she reads him short children story (thank you!) is before bed. That’s what I see when I come back from work and on the weekends, I don’t know what is happening when I’m at work and how many things our son is hearing. I don’t understand how she wants to teach our son at home instead of school. Her routine is going to bed with our son earliest at 23:00, usually between 23:00 – 00:00 and waking up between 11-12. Of course, while our son sleeps, she often watches her conspiracies. Sometimes up to 3, 4 am… How do I know that? Well, she doesn’t even deny it. Then, in the morning, she lies in bed for at least half an hour, but often up to an hour, because according to her words “she just cannot get up immediately”. Then do all her required procedures… So our son usually not having proper breakfast until at least 13.00.
Why am I not doing anything about it? Here is the main reason. I think child definitely needs a mother. And there is a huge possibility our son needs my wife more than me. I mean, she spends most of the time with him while I’m at work. Also, he is still breastfed. He wakes up at nights, he cries and demands the tit, he usually not calming down until he gets it. If I am trying to calm him down, he starts to shout even louder and pushes me away.
That is the core, main, the biggest reason I still didn’t take my son away and moved with him somewhere else together. I would be dying inside and feel devastated each minute if my son would cry and want his mother back while with me. Here I will explain something about myself.
I don’t think I ever loved someone in my life. I don’t think I even loved my mother. But now I love my son. I believe, he is the only person that I love and ever loved. So if I would see him suffer because his mom is not with him, this could potentially destroy me and make me insane. I don’t have anyone who could support me or help me. I don’t have any family or friends. No one would help me and my son. I would never find another lady who could be a mom for my son. This is because I’m ugly. Also, I have a social anxiety and I am extremely quiet. And what women value in modern world in men? Number 1 – face, number 2 – ability to communicate, be chill and awesome guy. I am opposite of all those. Believe me, I am talking from experience. 7 to 8 years I’ve spent online searching for a girl… Tinder, POF, match.com, you name it. Not a single girl wanted to speak to me. I’ve tried in real life as well – the same story. And when before any girl would suit me, I would be very careful to pick a lady now – because I have a son now. Honestly, I wouldn’t care if she wouldn’t love me, just so that she would love my son with her whole heart and soul, care for him and support him, because he is a little angel.
You will say I contradict myself. I am in relationship now and have a son. Yes, being 27 years old, I finally had my first ever relationship, after many years of trying. My wife is my old time friend. She was my best friend (and only female friend) and eventually we came together. Without love. We didn’t love each other and being a very good friends, we told that to each other early in our relationship. I didn’t care much, I just was so desperate never having a relationship before, I wanted one and I wanted to continue no matter what, despite there were many red flags not to be with her. Now, there is no even friendship. No love, no attraction. Our son is what connects us.
So that would be the second reason I am not taking any measures – I would not have any friends to help or support me, nor would I find a lady who could potentially replace him his mother. And from the way I described myself, I think you understand why I have no friends. My face is really off-putting, plus my behaviour, being anxious, awkward, not communicating with people, even though I do love them.
Last reason would be money. To move out right now with a son is extremely hard, as rent is expensive in UK because of what is happening in the world, plus, not many landlords like to accept tenants with small children… But this is the smallest reason. If my son would be happy to be just with me, without mom, I would move out and wouldn’t care about money, I would go into debt or whatever it takes to save my son and give him a proper life.
If someone thinking: “You are a man and your wife should listen to your word”, it’s not a case with my wife. She has a special weapon – threatening me with suicide. You see, I think she actually only threatens me and she don’t want to do it, but I will not risk it. I was almost sure she just simulated it after putting all the pieces together, first time she presumably overdosed. But I won’t risk it. That’s why I don’t reply too much to her now, no matter how much she offends me during the arguments. She knows my views on the conspiracies, but she is saying I’m a sheep and a coward and she is awake now and knows the truth. She said it is her spiritual path. Of course she never wears a mask in shops or other places, as she just can say she is exempt (she is not, unless she actually is but is not recorded in her medical history). I hate masks as well, I hate lockdowns, but I don’t focus on it, I only focus on how I can get a good life for my son. And when I tell her to start learning English, she says that it is not what she wants at the moment and she is doing something much more important, by looking into conspiracies. She also says that she will never be working anymore, as she worked enough in her life and if need be, I must take on the second job to support the family.
I don’t want my son to be like me and live the life I lived, by staying at home all the time and being isolated from people. Biggest problem in my life always was my social anxiety, inability to communicate and connect with people, I never could do it and that ruined my whole life. I had therapies and have been several years on medication – all of which was completely useless. I always was lonely, depressed and suicidal because of this. I don’t want this to happen to my son and I want to do everything possible to give him a good life. I think my wife will be heavily on my way to achieve this and will teach him to hate whole world, like she does, except loving the conspiracy theorists. It is not helpful that because of her conspiracies she now doesn’t trust doctors and NHS in general, so she always speak about them negatively, reluctant to take our son for check-ups and doesn’t go to doctors herself. For example, she recently received an invitation for cervical cancer check up, but she said: “I won’t go, hell knows what’s going at doctors these days”. I would take my son to doctors or therapists if I would see something strange happening with his mental health. I don’t want my son to be like me…
Please, if someone has any advice… I was thinking a lot what could I do in this situation, but I just cannot find a solution. A solution which would be the least traumatizing to my son. That’s all I want. So that my son would not be traumatized, so that it would not impact his mental health. I am asking you, everyone… I am not really a smart person, so maybe there is a solution that I don’t see?
I just need some help and advice… Of course, I would love to find real life friends, so that we could support each other and help each other, but I think that if in my 30+ years I was not able to find any friends, I will never be…
I just really need help and advice. I am so depressed and scared, it bothers me every day, I feel pressure and chest discomfort every day…
In my meaningless and miserable life, for the first time I have a person that I love and care for and I cannot allow anything bad happen to him.
P.S. I will be probably posting this everywhere where is possible to post, in hopes to find an answer, help or solution to my problem, so please, if you know where else this would be suitable to post, let me know.
Thank you.