My wife is a conspiracy theorist and our lives are hell

[Herkule]

I don’t mind people believing conspiracy theories. I did watch some of them myself, some of them are interesting and I think some of them are possible to be true. But for my wife (we are not married, but I will call her that) conspiracies became her reality. Conspiracies – are only possible reality for her. This is now so bad… It’s her only interest now, everything on YouTube, Facebook, etc. wherever possible is her conspiracy stuff. Whenever she has some free time, guess what she does? Of course, she either talks with her fellow conspiracists online or watches them on YouTube.

It all wouldn’t be so bad, if we wouldn’t have a son, he is 2 years old now. Of course our son did not had his immunisations because of her. Of course our son listens to whatever she is listening and watching. That is just a beginning. She is planning not to take our son to nursery or even school… The reason is, according to her words – “They can come and vaccinate our son without our knowledge in school”. Another reason – kids become aggressive in school, they swear, etc. Now, I agree with her second statement. I am extremely depressed when I hear children age 10 or something walking and every second word they say is f**ck. But then I think, if he won’t go to government school and stay at home, he will still need to do something with his life in the future – go to college, university, work... So if he will be taught at home, isolated from everyone, he will be like a caveman and I think it will be a massive shock to him later to see real people and how they act. It might be just too much for him.

But in general, I think I wouldn’t mind home teaching. By someone smart. Which is not my wife. We are originally from Europe and living in the UK at the moment. UK is where our son was born. My wife does not speak English. Just basic stuff. So she will need to teach our son in English, without knowing English and I am employed full-time… She says: “I don’t know how I will teach him. Somehow”…

I might not have proved yet how bad her brain now with conspiracies. Here are some of her gems. Once she saw a Boris Johnson on newspaper, or online (cannot remember exactly now), she looked at him and said: “Look at him. This is not a Boris Johnson. He doesn’t even look like Boris Johnson. It’s his clone. There are many clones now. Real BJ has probably already payed for his deeds”. Bear in mind, dear readers, there was not a slight shade of joke in what she said. Not at all. This was said in the very seriousness.

I cannot speak with her much about stuff any longer, because, like I said, her reality are conspiracies and most stuff that we would speak about would eventually turn into her conspiracies. For example, we were driving once and I said: “The traffic is just too much, never happened here before, what’s going on”? And she replied: “Oh, you cannot even imagine what’s going on in the world”. Obviously, referring to something from her conspiracies, as, like I said before, it is the only thing she is watching. Another time, I just said: “There was a shooting in Plymouth recently, some guy just shot people”. She replied: “Yeah, he probably took the vaccine and it affected him this way, so he started shooting”...

Can you see…

I will admit – I didn’t take the vaccine myself. I am somewhat scared. But I don’t think I can think clearly now. My wife just spoke too much about it and I am not sure now, where is my opinion and my decision and where is hers inside my head.

We had a Covid not that long ago. I’ve done lateral flow test. My partner didn’t. According to her, tests are killing people and give them cancer. After the test I told her I have Covid, to which she replied: “I have my own opinion. It’s just a flu”.

Soon after we recovered from Covid, I phoned health care visitor and expressed my concerns. It wasn’t as detailed as this post I am writing, but I let them know the general idea of what is happening. Outcome – they just can’t do anything about it…

After reading this, many of you might say: “You are the father, why are you not doing anything about it???” I will explain everything, it is not that simple. If it would be, I wouldn’t post this in here. I need help, any help.

I am afraid for my son and what future he will have with this type of mother. I know, she loves him, she does, but the functionality of her brain is deteriorating. Rather than spending time with our son, teach him something whenever she has spare time, instead she goes to her laptop or tablet and immerse in the world of conspiracies… The only time she reads him short children story (thank you!) is before bed. That’s what I see when I come back from work and on the weekends, I don’t know what is happening when I’m at work and how many things our son is hearing. I don’t understand how she wants to teach our son at home instead of school. Her routine is going to bed with our son earliest at 23:00, usually between 23:00 – 00:00 and waking up between 11-12. Of course, while our son sleeps, she often watches her conspiracies. Sometimes up to 3, 4 am… How do I know that? Well, she doesn’t even deny it. Then, in the morning, she lies in bed for at least half an hour, but often up to an hour, because according to her words “she just cannot get up immediately”. Then do all her required procedures… So our son usually not having proper breakfast until at least 13.00.

Why am I not doing anything about it? Here is the main reason. I think child definitely needs a mother. And there is a huge possibility our son needs my wife more than me. I mean, she spends most of the time with him while I’m at work. Also, he is still breastfed. He wakes up at nights, he cries and demands the tit, he usually not calming down until he gets it. If I am trying to calm him down, he starts to shout even louder and pushes me away.

That is the core, main, the biggest reason I still didn’t take my son away and moved with him somewhere else together. I would be dying inside and feel devastated each minute if my son would cry and want his mother back while with me. Here I will explain something about myself.

I don’t think I ever loved someone in my life. I don’t think I even loved my mother. But now I love my son. I believe, he is the only person that I love and ever loved. So if I would see him suffer because his mom is not with him, this could potentially destroy me and make me insane. I don’t have anyone who could support me or help me. I don’t have any family or friends. No one would help me and my son. I would never find another lady who could be a mom for my son. This is because I’m ugly. Also, I have a social anxiety and I am extremely quiet. And what women value in modern world in men? Number 1 – face, number 2 – ability to communicate, be chill and awesome guy. I am opposite of all those. Believe me, I am talking from experience. 7 to 8 years I’ve spent online searching for a girl… Tinder, POF, match.com, you name it. Not a single girl wanted to speak to me. I’ve tried in real life as well – the same story. And when before any girl would suit me, I would be very careful to pick a lady now – because I have a son now. Honestly, I wouldn’t care if she wouldn’t love me, just so that she would love my son with her whole heart and soul, care for him and support him, because he is a little angel.

You will say I contradict myself. I am in relationship now and have a son. Yes, being 27 years old, I finally had my first ever relationship, after many years of trying. My wife is my old time friend. She was my best friend (and only female friend) and eventually we came together. Without love. We didn’t love each other and being a very good friends, we told that to each other early in our relationship. I didn’t care much, I just was so desperate never having a relationship before, I wanted one and I wanted to continue no matter what, despite there were many red flags not to be with her. Now, there is no even friendship. No love, no attraction. Our son is what connects us.

So that would be the second reason I am not taking any measures – I would not have any friends to help or support me, nor would I find a lady who could potentially replace him his mother. And from the way I described myself, I think you understand why I have no friends. My face is really off-putting, plus my behaviour, being anxious, awkward, not communicating with people, even though I do love them.

Last reason would be money. To move out right now with a son is extremely hard, as rent is expensive in UK because of what is happening in the world, plus, not many landlords like to accept tenants with small children… But this is the smallest reason. If my son would be happy to be just with me, without mom, I would move out and wouldn’t care about money, I would go into debt or whatever it takes to save my son and give him a proper life.

If someone thinking: “You are a man and your wife should listen to your word”, it’s not a case with my wife. She has a special weapon – threatening me with suicide. You see, I think she actually only threatens me and she don’t want to do it, but I will not risk it. I was almost sure she just simulated it after putting all the pieces together, first time she presumably overdosed. But I won’t risk it. That’s why I don’t reply too much to her now, no matter how much she offends me during the arguments. She knows my views on the conspiracies, but she is saying I’m a sheep and a coward and she is awake now and knows the truth. She said it is her spiritual path. Of course she never wears a mask in shops or other places, as she just can say she is exempt (she is not, unless she actually is but is not recorded in her medical history). I hate masks as well, I hate lockdowns, but I don’t focus on it, I only focus on how I can get a good life for my son. And when I tell her to start learning English, she says that it is not what she wants at the moment and she is doing something much more important, by looking into conspiracies. She also says that she will never be working anymore, as she worked enough in her life and if need be, I must take on the second job to support the family.

I don’t want my son to be like me and live the life I lived, by staying at home all the time and being isolated from people. Biggest problem in my life always was my social anxiety, inability to communicate and connect with people, I never could do it and that ruined my whole life. I had therapies and have been several years on medication – all of which was completely useless. I always was lonely, depressed and suicidal because of this. I don’t want this to happen to my son and I want to do everything possible to give him a good life. I think my wife will be heavily on my way to achieve this and will teach him to hate whole world, like she does, except loving the conspiracy theorists. It is not helpful that because of her conspiracies she now doesn’t trust doctors and NHS in general, so she always speak about them negatively, reluctant to take our son for check-ups and doesn’t go to doctors herself. For example, she recently received an invitation for cervical cancer check up, but she said: “I won’t go, hell knows what’s going at doctors these days”. I would take my son to doctors or therapists if I would see something strange happening with his mental health. I don’t want my son to be like me…

Please, if someone has any advice… I was thinking a lot what could I do in this situation, but I just cannot find a solution. A solution which would be the least traumatizing to my son. That’s all I want. So that my son would not be traumatized, so that it would not impact his mental health. I am asking you, everyone… I am not really a smart person, so maybe there is a solution that I don’t see?

I just need some help and advice… Of course, I would love to find real life friends, so that we could support each other and help each other, but I think that if in my 30+ years I was not able to find any friends, I will never be…

I just really need help and advice. I am so depressed and scared, it bothers me every day, I feel pressure and chest discomfort every day…
In my meaningless and miserable life, for the first time I have a person that I love and care for and I cannot allow anything bad happen to him.

P.S. I will be probably posting this everywhere where is possible to post, in hopes to find an answer, help or solution to my problem, so please, if you know where else this would be suitable to post, let me know.

Thank you.

I'm also so sorry for this very difficult sitution. Are you in touch with your wife's family? Are they aware of her mental state? Could you turn to them to plan how to get her some professional help? It's possible that they may be able to reach her in a way you cannot, but obviously it depends on the relationships.

I'm also wondering if it's partly anxiety and isolation. Do you regularly return to her home country? I appreciate it's been difficult due to covid. Are there any other places or situations where she seems more 'well'?

OP really sorry to hear about your problems. I don't think the issue it's an issue of believing in conspiracy theories, but from your post it seems that your wife has many of the symptoms of psychosis. You need to read up on this and get her some help, especially if she has had suicidal thoughts. I have been through this before with family members and friends.

I think it may be a good idea to clue yourself up on psychosis and maybe speak to her g.p and say you have serious concerns about your wife and explain what she is saying and doing. They may be able to intervene and help. But very often you will have to advocate for it, as mental health services are extremely poor in this country.

A few things jumped out at me

1. The idea of people being clones/imposters
2. Suicidal ideation
3. Her extreme paranoia and delusions over vaccinations to the point it is affecting everything in your every day life.

OP this sounds very hard to manage.

The clone thing is a long standing conspiracy theory that the original person sold their soul and then was cloned. Eminem is often talked about as an example of this.

People that get into these types of conspiracy theories often have poor MH. I recently did a safeguarding course in work around parents who feel like your wife. Some of it can be very worrying.

I think it would be helpful if you rang social services and asked for support. You might get some early help, but I understand that a lot of people are very anxious about this. I think you're in a tricky situation but you can't let threats of suicide stop you. If she threatens suicide take it very seriously and call 999 and report it to them. An ambulance will come out and take her for a 136 24hr section to assess her.

I agree with the advice about going to the GP about this. Firstly I think you should make her an appointment and really try your hardest to persuade her to attend with you. If she doesn't make your own GP appointment and explain what's going on. The GP will then have a responsibility to safeguard her whilst she makes threats of suicide.

I don't think you can do a lot about the routine she has with your son, maybe to counter this make sure you take him out for days out over the weekend and to friends for dinner. Have you got friends with similar age dc to do play dates with?

I agree about needing nursery especially for language development. Maybe you could go along with your wife for now but maybe make a deal for in 6 months time if she isn't concentrating on improving hers and your sons English.

Also don't get into arguments or debates about what she believes in. It will just cement her firmly in to her opinion and isolate her further. A good trick is to say - oh I didnt know that, send me some info and I'll have a look at it. Then don't, it's just a way to get out of the argument/debate. Another good trick is to admit when you're wrong about things so she won't feel quite as defensive about admitting when she's wrong.

Maybe you could also get her into something less conspiracy theory but still very open minded, someone like Russel Brand. I know a few conspiracy theorists who follow him and have let go of the wilder theories by listening to him.

Join some home education groups on face book. Home education varies but it can be amazing done well. There are lots of opportunities and socials for both kids and parents.

Is your wife meeting any friends in real life? She sounds very isolated, in fact all three of you do. Find our about local toddler groups where parents stay with kids and drink coffee and chat together. Exposing her to other parenting information and support seems a good first step. It might be also worth asking the health visitor to put your wife in contact with toddler mums who speak the same language. They can meet at soft play or the park.

Go see your GP about your depression and extreme self hate. You might need medication, counselling or a medication change. Work on feeling better and then when feeling stronger reevaluate your relationship.

What are you doing to help yourself? Are you exercising? Getting enough sleep? Meeting friends? Do you have hobbies?

Also check our nurseries which offer afternoon sessions and explain to your wife you’d like them to try then for 4 months after which you can all review how your son is finding things. His language skills, social play

She might be interested in a Stiener or Montessori nursery. You could put a really positive spin on that as it's not mainstream.

[Flowers] to you as you sound very unhappy.

I agree with all the posts saying to talk to your own GP, and to connect with groups that you and your son's mother have something in common with - perhaps speakers of your own language, perhaps your interests. There are often father's groups around, ask your health visitor - could you start taking your son to one? It seems you really need and deserve some friends and perhaps your greatest interest is your son?

For your son, absolutely prioritise nursery and school. My husband had severe mental health problems and school was sometimes a refuge for my son. Talk to your GP and health visitor about the fact that your son's mother may resist him going. Maybe your work hours could be changed so that you could take him? It sounds as if she would not be well enough to take him.

I’m in the same position as you and I can tell you now, your wife is a lost cause there is nothing you can do to help her.

Focus on your child, yes they are going to be exposed to her crazy so you need to be there to ensure proper routines are in place, that they are fed regularly and properly educated. You have to start taking control for their sake so put your big boy pants on and stand up to your wife.

You sound resigned to the fact she’s in control here and more worried about your love life. Get angry and do something about your situation rather than being so passive.

As I say, my other half is exactly the same as your wife and we have two children together. No way am I letting these ridiculous conspiracies he believes infiltrate and affect my Children’s lives.

OP, I agree with PP that your first step has to be to work on yourself. It will all seem impossible to deal with if you continue to have this self hatred and sense of powerlessness and hopelessness.

There are so many places you can get help: your GP, private therapists who specialise in social anxiety, groups for people with social anxiety, in person and online, reading books about how to tackle SA and depression, YouTube videos, social groups for people from your country of origin etc.

Start to tackle the things you avoid, like having the vaccine. If you avoid things yourself then you're feeding your own anxiety and you can't really complain about your wife's behaviour.

Read about the anxiety cycle www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Panic/Panic---Information-Sheets/Panic-Information-Sheet---03---The-Vicious-Cycle-of-Anxiety.pdf

I have a friend who’s ex husband is like this. They’re divorced and have the kids 50/50. The kids are quite normal and know their dad believes strange theories which nobody else does. She had to go to family court over the school issue but won.

I have read your whole post and really feel for you, your son and your wife. What I think is that you need to develop your own confidence and self esteem, so that you can be more assertive at home- not aggressiver, but assertive. You need to step up and make it clear that your son will be going to nursery and then to school. It would be very unhealthy for him to stay at home with your wife, who is not going to be able to teach him effectively. She needs to be getting out if the house, leat ing English and getting a job.

What a difficult situation. I think that you could both do with some counselling. I agree with others who say that leaving her doesn't mean taking your son away from her. You can share parenting 50/50.

This was too long. Your wife is obviously not well and the way your son is being brought up is not appropriate.
A lot of what you are saying sounds like excuses, your wife breast feeds, you don’t like your face, it’s expensive, landlords won’t rent out to people with children and really what you are saying is that you know what is happening and not right but you are not going to change it.
It is not even clear that you have spoken to your wife about concerns-you need a very clear conversation with her. Then you need to start being much more active in your sons day while sorting things out. It is not like you love her so what is keeping you too her.
I went on a date a while ago with a man who was separated from his wife and he had similar concerns, the children were older, being ‘unschooled’and had very, very restricted diets and he was complaining about how awful it was, how it was his wife’s decision, he didn’t agree with it at all-and all I could think of the entire way through was that he lived in the house and went along with every single one of those things for an easy life.

The problem with her researching all this stuff is that the algorithm will keep suggesting more of the same, so it will feed her conspiracy theory even more.

Can you do some research and present her with facts? See if by the time he needs to start school / nursery, covid may have lessened?

Does she work? Can she look at learning English? It may be that she's isolated because she cant speak english and therefore spending all the time online feeding her conspiracy theories

Facts won't work @Momijin they believe everything from a reputable source is a lie and what the powers above want people to think.

I'd agree with not bothering about competing 'research'. The best way to a more normal life is connection with people, even if she never quite lets go of the conspiracy theories; to fill life with more interest, friendships and more pleasant pursuits so that they increasingly take up less space in your lives.

1. Contact your local Citizens Advice. Tell them you're worried about your son's wellbeing. Ask for their advice. They can refer you to relevant resources. Keep a record of every conversation. (This is important in case you later end up in a court case re child arrangements - it's important to have documented your concerns at the time.)

1. Same with your GP. Seek their help re a) your partner b) your own mental health and c) your son's wellbeing. You can book follow-up appointments if the issues haven't yet been resolved. Again keep a record.

1. Contact mental health charities such as Mind and Action Postpartum Psychosis to get their advice. Again, keep records.

1. Social services probably can't/won't help you much if they deem you to be capable and responsible (even if your partner isn't) - they'll tell you it's a civil matter and that it's up to you (as the responsible parent) to ensure your son's wellbeing. But they can have a chat and send you some relevant resources / point you towards eg charities who can help.

1. Based on what you've said, it sounds as if you and your son would probably both be better off (mentally/emotionally, i mean) if you separate from your partner and you have your son 50/50. At least that means he won't be 100% surrounded by the conspiracy theories and kept away from education/socialisation etc. You don't need to find a new wife or mum for your son. Your son will still see his mum 50/50. During the time he's with you, he can attend nursery and later school. Once he's 3 years old, you can probably/possibly qualify for free nursery hours. This approach will probably be much better for your son (in terms of development/education) than if you stay with your partner and he's "homeschooled". Make the nursery/school aware of the situation.

1. You may qualify for some legal advice. At the very least you can get a 45 minute free session. As you're not married and you're currently not the primary parent, ask for advice about how best to go about getting 50/50 child arrangements for your son (worth mentioning whether or not you're on the birth certificate).

1. I know breastfeeding can sometimes be an obstacle to fathers getting child arrangements but I wouldn't have thought this would be an issue at age 2+. Not an expert though.

Good luck. It's a tough road ahead but for your son's sake you need to step up and forward. Wishing you all the best.

So sorry to hear this. You asked about other forums to post in or read through. Try this one, it relates to the QAnon conspiracies, which may not be exactly what your wife is believing, but she sounds close to that (the clones thing is familiar from that area). And many of the posts there are about Q-adjacent theories and believers, there is much overlap with many people's beliefs. I hope you get some good advice there, they are knowledgeable about ideas to provide more distracting activities, to get the conspiracy believer away from it, bit by bit, until they may come back to normality. Getting their online activity more balanced, too, so they don't keep watching more and more conspiracy videos and content. As others have said, trying to persaude her by providing evidence of reality is not likely to work. It's about getting them to do other things, normal things. I wish you every luck, even if you cannot help her out of this.

www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/

Why are so many people saying the post is too long? He's obviously had to get it off his chest and wanted to explain the full story. No one is forced to read it.

Did you post before when your so. Was much younger?

First of all, thanks everyone for replying. I will now try to reply to most people. This will be long again, I guess, but I will be mainly answering questions. I’m sorry, some of you said things and this is because I haven’t explained everything properly. To do this properly and in details, would take me days of writing, so I just will answer some of the questions and try to clarify a few things.

Phone call with a health visitor.
I said it wasn’t much help, but hear me out. I rang them and spoke both about my son and her. Mostly the lady on the phone stayed quiet. I tried to push the idea that not everything is ok with my wife and eventually the lady asked: “Do you think she needs help / do you worry about her?” Yes, I replied. They said – “We cannot change her beliefs”, and added “But we can try to help your son achieve his highest potential”. We will arrange a home meeting just to meet with you”.

Seeing a GP / my partner having therapy, other help. Health visitor came.
@RoyKentsChestHair, @ClariceQuiff, @CatAndHisKit, @junction5@ @StarsAndSugarlumps, @Junction5aOnTheM4, @zeg3885, @Norwolf, @squirrelslikenuts, @Geppili, @Gingembre, @chilliplant634, @TuscanApothecary, @PurpleStripyScarf

Health visitor came to our house and mainly was asking about our son. I understand, she would not be able to mention nothing about the conspiracies. At the end she asked how are we feeling. My partner said she is depressed and would like a therapy, but not understanding English, she would need an interpreter. However, interpreter is a third person, so it would be telling problems to interpreter, while they translate everything that my wife said to therapist. My wife doesn’t want it (and I can understand). Health visitor asked about medication. My partner replied that she doesn’t want anything chemical, maybe something herbal. Health visitor didn’t reply anything to it. This is how the conversation about my partners mental health ended.

Health visitor was a lovely lady, but I guess there is no polite way to ask about conspiracies and stuff. She asked things about whether we are planning to take our son to nursery our school. My wife said – “Nursery – no. School - I don’t know.” I said that children need to go to school and be with other children. But health visitor didn’t reply anything to what we had said. I think she leaving everything for us to decide.

Friends and Family.
@Hohofortherobbers, @unname, @Ging, @BigGreen, @Saltyquiche, @Gingembre

My wife has only one friend in England. Sometimes her friend comes to visit us with her daughter. Unfortunately, her friend has the same views.
All of her family is back in her home country. As far as I know – no one is sharing her views within her family. We have a Chromebook that we kind of share sometimes and once she left her Facebook open with her message with sister-in-law. I know I’ve done a bad thing, but the messages were open and I glanced and noticed the vaccine word in there. So, her sister-in-law said that their dog died, to which my wife replied: “Poor dog, probably the government have reached him with their experimental vaccine…”

This made me so mad… To write such a crap to people… Recently my wife was speaking on the phone with her mom and she said that her sister-in-law told her: “Come back to reality, what are you writing to me and your brother”? So my wife unfriended her… I think she shares a lot of conspiracies with her family, but as far as I know, no one replies. I remember how my wife spoke on the phone to this one friend I mentioned above. She literally started to cry and said that her family are laughing at her and thinks she is insane. Her family is very big. Several aunts, cousins, their spouses, brother, grandmas, dad, mom…

I met my wife’s mom and she is a smart lady. She is very tolerant and she not at all agrees with conspiracies, but she is able to tolerate her daughter, and reply, or ignore smartly. My wife’s mom came to visit us and to see her grandson.

My wife never been back to her home country since January 2019. She really wanted to go back and visit since our son was born. Guess why she never did? Because you need to have a negative covid test to go to our country. And as I said before, in her opinion tests are killing people and giving them cancer. So she blames governments, saying all the bad things, how it is impossible to go back now because of the tests.

So she doesn’t have any more real life friends and she don’t have much time. Like I said, she wakes up late, do her stuff, then cook, feed our son and then they go for a walk 1-2 hour and then home. I noticed she kind of started to spent more time playing with our son, but still a lot of time on Facebook and YouTube.

Other potentially important things and questions.
I’ve done a lateral flow test when we had covid and my wife didn’t, plus attacked me because I did it and started to lecture me about how deadly it is. I snapped, because I don’t touch her with my stuff (do a covid test, wear mask) and said something like “don’t bother me with your stupid idiots or I will call a doctor and you will need to do the test as well. She said:” If a doctor will come to our house, I will then take my son and leave”. And this was the reason why I didn’t report covid to our GP or done the PCR test. You see, she would have a place to go – to her conspiracy friend. Me – I don’t have anywhere to go with my son.

Here come the questions. How long it would potentially get us to properly separate and so that someone would get a custody? How long would it take for authorities to legally approve me to be able to visit my son, while they are living away? Her friend lives 70 mile away. Because I don’t want to wait months, I don’t want to wait even a week without my son… And, of course, without authorities involved, my wife and her friend would not allow me to visit my son or enter their house. If anyone had experience with one parent taking their child away, please share…

@user1481840227, @DoucheCanoe, @Trueblues
You might say that my son will still have his mother, but that might not be true. As I said in my original post, she might be suicidal and she might be not just scaring me with it, she mentioned it quite a few times. She is also extremely depressed, definitely, 100%. So would I take my son away or trying to take the full custody, who knows what could she do to herself? That’s one thing. Secondly, she doesn’t really speaks English. The jobs that she could do are mainly factory ones. Honestly, I am not sure how would she be able to survive on her own. All her life she lived either with her mom, her ex or with me, relying on support from others. While in UK, she worked for half a year, always complaining about the jobs and her health. Factory work is not easy and she always had back pains. Also, she said she never plans to work in her life anymore. Honestly, I am not sure how would she survive in England on her own. Except maybe staying at her friend’s (more on that you can read in Friends and Family section if you wish).

@RobertSmithsLipstick, yes, she does know how this make me feel. She knows my views, but she still talks about her stuff to me. I am not sure if she ever will again though. When we had a covid, we had a biggest fight, a lot of stuff were said, don’t think our relationship will ever get better.

@Gingembre, I am in the birth certificate and our son has my surname. My partner has different surname to mine as we are not married.

@PurpleTrilby, Thanks. That reddit group is exactly where I first wrote this post that I am now putting on this forum 😊

@Mundra, I would say she was better before covid, wasn’t obsessed with anything. I’m not sure what can GP do, except that forcing her therapy / medication, whatever? Like I said, first – she doesn’t trust GPs anymore, second, she wouldn’t want any treatment for her reality, right? Yes, I am working full time, Monday to Friday, out of the house.

That post is way too long, but at least we have more than enough detail.

1. You should split up
2. If you love your son file for 50 % custody - when you are at work he can be in nursery or school.
3. You might want to wait until after breastfeeding is over, meanwhile, be more interactive and do more with your DS in the evenings and at the weekend. It does sound like you just leave her to get on with her strange ways of looking after your DS, hence he wants his mummy all the time. Be more hands on while you are there. Just because you work full time, doesn't absolve you of grafting for your son.

That was thoughtful of you to answer all of the questions and to tag people @Herkule

A couple of things occur to me

1 - your wife agrees that she is depressed and would like help. That is a big positive step. There must be some way to get her help in her native language. If you are prepared to say what that language is, someone here might be able to help find resources. If not, citizens advice might be able to help.

2 - you assume that your wife would get custody of your son, and you would have to wait for permission to see him. That is not necessarily the case. Seek legal advice.

3 - would your wife be able to claim benefits in the U.K. if you were to split?

I would suggest you go to a dr and discuss your wife’s mental health, I mean is it so bad she needs sectioning? You should take time off work as much as you can at the moment and get into a proper routine…
Getting up at a normal time
Having breakfast at a normal time
Going to fun activities where your son can socialise with people his own age like playgroups or soft play?
Even if your wife is a conspiracy theorist, she should still be taking your son out, playing with him and putting him first. I would also insist on a nursery for a couple of days a week and suggest she gets a job, it might get her to come out of her shell a bit. She needs to get into a more normal routine. She’s letting your little boy down, so are you in a way you need to sort it out. He’s only 2 there’s time get him out of the house and into a more normal environment.

Thank you for the update. It's good that there are a couple of positives here.

• the big one: you feel that your wife is playing more with your son. That's wonderful. I hope that continues to increase.

• your wife has said that she feels she could do with some help for her mood. The health visitor can't do anything about that - I'm hoping she got in touch with the doctor - did she say she would, or ask your wife if it was OK if she did? I would ask your wife to follow this up with her GP, or get you to call them if she would struggle to do this. Let the GP have the chemical vs herbal conversation with her - maybe she would take St John's Wort which might be helpful if it was depression, though I'm not sure about anxiety/paranoid thoughts. Anyway, that's a doctor's role. I would try to say to her that she did think she might benefit from some help, and that the doctor is on her side.

I'm sad to hear that the health visitor didn't try to use a translator for the session, and didn't apparently fill in a depression questionnaire with your wife. More good reasons to follow up with the doctor and directly request that they use a phone interpreter - they really shouldn't rely on you to translate for this, for everyone's sake.

If your wife absolutely won't contact the doctor, get in touch with them for your own support.

It might be that your relationship won't survive but right now for your son's sake as well as your wife, any positives are good news, any attempt to get your wife to connect with the real world is good.