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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think DH is cheating on me

45 replies

StrawberryLadybird · 19/02/2022 19:19

So a valentines day card with a certain cartoon character on it was in his stuff. I asked him about it and he said it was an in joke between him and one of his work colleagues. I thought it was a bit weird, there was no name but I stopped and had a look and the writing inside looked really female. Men dont dot i's and exclamation marks with little circles do they?

And today I saw him delete a mirror selfie type picture. I was stood behind so I couldn't make out whether it was of him or someone else, but it was in his media of his Facebook messenger chats so guessing it was sent either to or from someone.

Other than this I have no evidence or reason to be suspicious. Everything seems normal.

I don't know if I need to be worried or extra viligent. I feel a bit sick and just wanted some thoughts. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryLadybird · 19/02/2022 19:20

Sorry meant to say he said it was a Male colleague.

OP posts:
snowcabin · 19/02/2022 19:21

Trust your gut, OP. You already know these things are strange.

FruminariaBandersnatcheosum · 19/02/2022 19:24

Start looking deeper.

HollowTalk · 19/02/2022 19:26

So he's saying a male colleague went to the shop, bought a card for him, wrote in it in a woman's handwriting and gave it to him for Valentine's Day - for a joke? No way on this earth would that happen!

JustHereWithPopcorn · 19/02/2022 19:29

You need to investigate more, can you check how phone, social media and bank accounts? Keep an eye out for any strange behaviour or making an effort to look better, going to the gym etc.

DogsAndGin · 19/02/2022 19:29

Which colleague? Surely you would know of a colleague who he has such ‘bants’ with. Sorry, but this sounds a bit suspicious to me.

Really18 · 19/02/2022 19:30

@HollowTalk

So he's saying a male colleague went to the shop, bought a card for him, wrote in it in a woman's handwriting and gave it to him for Valentine's Day - for a joke? No way on this earth would that happen!
Totally agree. A man wouldn't do that. He is cheating or at a minimum being pursued by someone. Whatever the weather he is a barefaced liar.
WilsonMilson · 19/02/2022 19:34

Highly suspicious. You need to stealthily gather more information.

Also, —missing the point entirely— but who, above the age of 14 draws circles instead of dotting their i’s?!

JaneyJimplin · 19/02/2022 19:36

I smell bullshit. Totally platonic adult friends don't go to the trouble of spending £3 on a card as a joke.

It might just be early flirtation and not full blown cheating yet, but it sounds suspicious.

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 19/02/2022 19:46

What was written in the card?

ouch12345 · 19/02/2022 19:51

Where did you find the Valentine's Day card OP? Was it in the post or given in the office? Just thinking if it was something sinister he wouldn't have brought it home?

mugglenutmeg · 19/02/2022 20:01

Trust your gut.

Deleting messages is a huge red flag. Never mind the card!

He knows you're onto him. Keep digging.

I'm so sorry OP, this is an awful feeling.

WonderfulYou · 19/02/2022 20:03

Sounds like a female gave him a card. It could have been a colleague or a secret admirer and he thought you would think he’s cheating which is why he didn’t tell you - not sure why he wouldn’t bin it before he got home though!

I was given a Valentine’s Day card from a ‘secret admirer’ which was y work colleague who sent them to everyone as a joke.

I think the photo is a non issue.

From your examples I wouldn’t say he’s 100% cheating but I can see why you feel off and I would definitely be keeping an eye out for any more odd behaviour.

Sonaftersonafterson · 19/02/2022 21:06

What did the card say?

Original poster
StrawberryLadybird · 19/02/2022 23:47

It's a colleague I know of but haven't met. The card was just in amongst some work things and just had a quote of the character in, nothing lovey dovey. If it wasn't for the handwriting I probably could buy that it was a jokey card. But its definitely a womans handwriting which means he is lying.

Secretly hoping someone will come along to tell me their DH dots their i's with circles and its perfectly normal Sad

OP posts:
AllOfUsAreDead · 20/02/2022 00:48

Even a platonic female friend wouldn't send a valentines card. Not a sane one at least. I have in jokes with male colleagues, usually about our job. I wouldn't ever send them a valentines card, don't even send them Christmas cards.

It's likely an affair op, I'm sorry. That or she fancies him and he's just liking the attention.

IdblowJonSnow · 20/02/2022 00:51

You need to snoop I'm afraid. If you ask him outright he'll lie and then cover his tracks.

Derelicthome · 20/02/2022 05:59

Trust your gut instincts

FruminariaBandersnatcheosum · 20/02/2022 06:47

So can you get access to the deleted messages via tech?
Do you know anyone that knows him well that you could ask a frank question to?
Has he changed habits? Away weekends or later home etc. There is a script cheaters all seem to follow.

Anniegetyourgun76 · 20/02/2022 06:55

@JaneyJimplin

I smell bullshit. Totally platonic adult friends don't go to the trouble of spending £3 on a card as a joke.

It might just be early flirtation and not full blown cheating yet, but it sounds suspicious.

Totally agree OPs right to be suspicious but my DH often buys stupid joke cards for his friends, it amuses him 🤷
Anniegetyourgun76 · 20/02/2022 06:56

Can't recall him sending a joke valentine's though

sleepymouse · 20/02/2022 07:09

I'd not jump to affair just based on the card. In my workplace two very platonic friends have a long standing joke of buying each other valentines gifts, this year beautiful flowers. Also, if the card was a joke it would make sense to me to make the writing feminine. Of course, if OP has other reasons to be suspicious do some digging

Staryflight445 · 20/02/2022 07:18

The card alone I wouldn’t react but the rest of it makes it sound like something is secret here.
I’d ask him outright to let him show you his phone, if he refuses you know there’s stuff to be deleted first.

FallenSkies · 20/02/2022 07:33

@StrawberryLadybird

It's a colleague I know of but haven't met. The card was just in amongst some work things and just had a quote of the character in, nothing lovey dovey. If it wasn't for the handwriting I probably could buy that it was a jokey card. But its definitely a womans handwriting which means he is lying.

Secretly hoping someone will come along to tell me their DH dots their i's with circles and its perfectly normal Sad

My dad dots with small circles, and has quite loopy lettering. He is quite artistic and I think his writing style reflects that. Is the colleague an artsy/creative type?
bcc89 · 20/02/2022 08:30

Men don't send other men valentines day cards as jokes. Trust your gut, OP.

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