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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is this mind game playing

40 replies

splashme · 19/02/2022 16:11

Long story short. My boyfriend was a knob recently. We fell out and I finished it.
We have unfinished business and I want to talk to him. He is answering my dms then going off line and then leaving me unread for another day or tw, then responding.
FWIW the fault was purely his but now he is playing victim. He is messing with my mind.
Why is he doing that?

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 19/02/2022 16:14

Why are you?

You finished with him. Keep it that way. You have no reason to talk to him.

TopCatsTopHat · 19/02/2022 16:20

He's enjoying punishing you (justified or not) and having control.
Suggest unless this unfinished business is money or something vital you just draw a line and don't give him the satisfaction.

Original poster
splashme · 19/02/2022 16:34

He is punishing me. He knows I sort of regret dumping him so please help me construct a text that gives him an ultimatum. He's playing silly beggars

OP posts:
Undecidedandtorn · 19/02/2022 16:35

What is it you still need to talk about? Maybe he needs some time - it's not necessarily about you.

Original poster
splashme · 19/02/2022 16:44

Finances, booked holidays

OP posts:
Itwasntmeright · 19/02/2022 16:46

What ultimatum can you give him? You’ve already finished with him, what else can you threaten him with if he doesn’t comply?

If you would be a bit more specific maybe people could offer you constructive advice.

Original poster
splashme · 19/02/2022 16:55

I finished because he was a knob. I kinda regretted my decision and want to give it another try. He is playing the game.
He's not sure, leaving me unread, feels
So sad, angry with me, not responding to dms for hours at a time despite being in line

OP posts:
CantLock · 19/02/2022 16:57

You have no future with this relationship. Just saying, sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear.

Original poster
splashme · 19/02/2022 17:09

Why so @CantLock . Genuine q ?

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 19/02/2022 17:09

FFS - are you taking the piss?
You finished with him, now you maybe want him back, & are moaning & accusing him of 'mind games' for the awful offence of ... [DRUM ROLL] not jumping to respond instantly to messages from his ex?

You're the one playing mind games.
He's well shot of you.

babytum · 19/02/2022 17:25

Is this the B & B debacle again?

He didn’t behave like a grown up then, he hadn’t behaved like a grown up after and he isn’t behaving like a grown up now.

So why, why, why are you still running after him begging for nuggets of attention?
He’s been particularly disrespectful towards you but he’s still got you hanging on.

What ultimatum do you need to give? You finished it, he knows you regret it, he doesn’t care. The more you contact him the less respect he’ll have for you.

You’re torturing yourself, time to take a complete break and get some headspace

TopCatsTopHat · 19/02/2022 18:50

Oh my. Well if he's behaved /behaving really badly but you're still thinking you maybe want a relationship then... Well good luck. You either tolerate being messed about in which case live that life and dance that dance, or you don't in which case sort out your money and don't look back. At the moment, based solely on the small information here you sound as bad as each other.
As for the ultimatum text... What would you begin to base it on?

haismfh · 19/02/2022 19:08

Is this the B & B debacle again?

Please, no!! Not this again!

It's over. Leave him to it.
Cancel booked holidays or find someone else to go with you or go alone.

Watchkeys · 19/02/2022 19:09

@splashme

He is punishing me. He knows I sort of regret dumping him so please help me construct a text that gives him an ultimatum. He's playing silly beggars
You are trying to play games too, The whole thing looks very unhealthy, and needs to be left behind.

In a healthy relationship, you don't ask people to help you construct messages to your partner. You tell your partner straight about how you feel, and you expect them to tell you straight how they feel, in response. This is far from your relationship with him.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 19/02/2022 19:14

If you have to crowd source a perfectly crafted manipulative text in order to elicit a specific response, it's not meant to be.

ladydimitrescu · 19/02/2022 19:17

Oh ffs stop, it's over! You're dragging it out unnecessarily

WilsonMilson · 19/02/2022 19:23

It’s over. Move on and stop harassing him.

DinaofCloud9 · 19/02/2022 19:28

It sounds like you're playing mind games too though. He's playing you at your own game.

christmaskittenincoming · 19/02/2022 19:30

Is this the B&B saga?

NigellaAwesome · 19/02/2022 19:47

What was the B&B saga?

PoshPyjamas · 19/02/2022 19:50

Has he stopped being a knob since you dumped him? I doubt it, so why would you regret dumping him?

mugglenutmeg · 19/02/2022 19:57

Yep he's still a knob. Loud and clear.

Act as if the delayed responses don't bother you and you don't even notice. Delay your responses back.

Stop being needy.

Goawayangryman · 19/02/2022 20:00

You're no better than them If you try to carry this on. Disengage, hold your head high, take a friend on the holiday instead.

christmaskittenincoming · 19/02/2022 20:34

@NigellaAwesome

I need to finish this don't I? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4480449-i-need-to-finish-this-don-t-i

MadMadMadamMim · 19/02/2022 20:36

Jesus Christ.

Long story short are you both 15? If not, grow up.