Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

OLD - stories of hitting it off and then meeting them in real life…

42 replies

Redberries85 · 19/02/2022 09:23

Hi all,

Just wanted anyone’s experiences of surprisingly hitting it off with someone via messaging on online dating and then meeting in real life. I’ve met someone who we have a lot on common and he appears to be a real gentlemen so far, one those sweetheart kind of guys. We’ve sent some real life photos and voice memos and our interests are quite niche but really similar. We’re messaging a couple of times a day but I’m worried one of us won’t feel the spark when we meet. I’m still chatting to other guys but honestly didn’t expect to get on with someone this well so far. Any stories from you all?!

OP posts:

bonfireheart · 19/02/2022 09:45

ExH and I got married after meeting via OLD.
After we divorced I met someone else via OLD and we dated for five years. He wasn't someone I would have been immediately physically attracted to if we'd met IRL but we built up a real connection when talking on the phone.

UserBotLurking9to5 · 19/02/2022 09:51

Eugh yeh, many times.

If you feel like you're hitting it off on-line, consciously ''kill'' the vibe a bit so that they have no expectation that that will mean something when you meet up for real.

It happened to me too though, we had conversational online chemistry if such a ridiculous thing exists, but he obviously wanted to keep looking and he didn't contact me again. I was surprised. That was the one date I went on where I felt really surprised that he didn't want to pursue it. I'd been disappointed a few times, but that time, I remember feeling like he was crazy not to want me! So. I'd be wary of dating a man who felt how I felt! Because obviously I just did nothing. Never contacted him. Waited til the feelings past.

But a lot of men don't handle it like that.......

supercali77 · 19/02/2022 11:24

Yep. Lots of times. Some we never met bevause I basically noticed some flags that told me not to bother. Some went AWOL. some I went AWOL on. Some there was no spark in person. And some there was. If I learned anything from the whole experience its that the spark is just one part of the equation, it is spark plus character and good values. One without the other is no use.

Badbaddog · 19/02/2022 11:48

This happens a lot. So many men just want a pen pal. Nothing is real until you have met physically. Forget the othered shared interests - do you share an interest in getting up off the sofa and actually meeting?

coldfeetmama · 19/02/2022 11:51

Yes this has definitely happened to me

Pre Covid I tried OND and could have swore blind I'd met my soul mate - twice !
After 1st meet I knew it was not to be and never saw them again

I never tried again and have no plans to , but my advice would be just to meet up asap
Pull back a bit , less enthusiasm, less chat

I do believe every pot has its lid
Shame I seem to be more of a wok

Noluthando · 19/02/2022 11:56

From my experiences, I would say quick couple of shortish messages, then phone call to arrange date, then meet , within a couple of weeks. If they cancel date once or won't commit to a date, forget them.

UserBotLurking9to5 · 19/02/2022 12:00

''Shame I seem to be more of a wok''

Ha ha, that made me laugh. Me too. Past analysing it though.

Original poster

Redberries85 · 19/02/2022 12:10

Yes we are meeting Saturday after talking for two weeks … thanks for the stories. Definitely appears to have values so far but we’ll see, might pull back a bit as I think he’s looking for long term whereas I’m just starting the dating game again

OP posts:

JellybabyGina87 · 19/02/2022 12:12

This happened to me. I thought I'd found the one, we had an amazing connection and all that. Met up and he was not really what I expected despite seeing so many photos of him. And his personality wasn't the same. It was like the man I'd been speaking to for months didn't exist, he was a character. We had a couple of dates and even had sex but then he ended it out the blue. I wasn't really into him that much in real life but I had invested so much in this man that I spoken to for months that I wanted to make this work. He'd left a void in my life because I'd spoke to him for that long.. I went over and over it for so long but came to the conclusion that it was something to do with him. He'd never had a relationship in his 36 years.
I swore I'd never get that involved with someone I'd never met again. The next guy I started chatting to I met up with within 4 days and we're now married.

Badbaddog · 19/02/2022 12:12

My wok has a lid

UserBotLurking9to5 · 19/02/2022 12:14

@Redberries85

I might be mixing up values with integrity here, actually I am. I'm thinking of when you're actions match what you claim you uphold. But anybody can type values. You haven't a notion what is values are, only what he says they are.

But at this point, do not worry about what his values are! You might meet him and think ''yuck'' to be hones.t

2022IamHavingYa · 19/02/2022 12:21

Yep, many times unfortunately! Still dating now and gave coffee dates booked for tomorrow and Wednesday.
The only guy I really clicked with in real life was one whose texting and conversation had been crap!

Remember, it’s not real until it’s real

Original poster

Redberries85 · 19/02/2022 12:29

Ok yes, will just wait until the weekend… Hope I’m cut out for all of this 🥴

OP posts:

Grapejuiceisntwine · 19/02/2022 12:32

Had lots of OLD dates.

I met one particular man back in 2013. We were kind of just having sex for a while - but he was a bit of an arse. Let me down a few times at the last minute. However - we are STILL in contact. Still talk everyday. Hooked up again recently and he wants now to be WITH me .. I am content with friends who occasionally sleep together.

My ex was a result of OLD. After months of talking we met and I sent a message after saying I had a lovely night but there was no chemistry and we had nothing in common..... he agreed! But somehow we went on to be together for almost 4 years - not all good though unfortunately. But we did stay together for a while and he even asked me to marry him which I found out a few months later he didn't really mean! Anyway ... it's not always crap!

FragileLikeABomb · 19/02/2022 13:09

Unfortunately this happened with me. We’d been talking for about 8 weeks, got on amazing, talked for hours at a time, had massive long voice calls. Met up last weekend and it was awful. We just didn’t gel and I felt so uncomfortable.

Don’t leave it for ages. Try and meet whilst it’s still at that giddy stage..

Original poster

Redberries85 · 19/02/2022 13:23

What was it that made you not feel it when you met?

OP posts:

FragileLikeABomb · 19/02/2022 13:34

Who’s that to?

Original poster

Redberries85 · 19/02/2022 13:37

To anyone that’s replied - sorry don’t know how to do the tagging yet!

OP posts:

Original poster

Redberries85 · 19/02/2022 13:40

Also has anyone really matched well with someone they were getting on great with online? Any positive stories?

OP posts:

Lubeyboobyalt · 19/02/2022 13:41

Oh god, so many

I've been in a brilliant relationship for 9 years now, but before meeting him I learned to...

Meet quickly - no talking for weeks/months and getting attached

Keep that first meeting short, even if I liked them. Just half hour or an hour max for coffee or whatever. Then if they are awful I haven't wasted much time and if they are weird/clingy/stalkery in person I have an excuse to leave

I think the first date when online dating serves to put the potential rapport there, that is missing from meeting someone say at a pub or from something to do with uni/work/etc

Until you meet in person you have no idea if they have lied about height, or age, or weight

You have no idea if they smell of fish or eggs or BO or 20 litres of old spice

You have no idea how they act in public

Some people manage to hide their teeth, or lack thereof in pictures as well

A quick meeting will establish all those things and whether for both of you, its worth doing a real first date or not

coolcahuna · 19/02/2022 13:42

@Badbaddog

100% this. I am OLD at the moment and 2 people I was chatting to...flakey about arranging a date. What's the point, are they just lonely and want someone to chat too.

I'm having a coffee with someone tomorrow , appears to be online chemistry but you really don't know until you meet. Meet quickly is my motto before the messaging goes on too long and you get invested.

Sexnotgender · 19/02/2022 13:44

I met a lovely guy OLD. Had some really interesting chats, felt like we clicked.

Met IRL and I was like nope 😂 was weird but I knew instantly.

However I also met and married my husband OLD. And again I knew on our first date he was the one.
Nearly 6 years and 2 children later I’m still as happy as ever.

Comeonmommy · 19/02/2022 13:46

I met 1 guy online and we've been together 12 years now ❤️

FragileLikeABomb · 19/02/2022 13:55

I met my ex online, we got on great and were together 5 years. We broke up as we wanted different things. So of course it happens.

coldfeetmama · 19/02/2022 14:24

@Badbaddog

My wok has a lid

🤣

Flip

1 2