Tell me about your happy relationship

UpToMyEye · 2022-02-18T22:07:04+00:00

I think lots of us don’t realise just how unhappy we are as we think everyone else is too Men are useless, they’re messy, they’re thoughtless, the football is more important than anything etc - these are messages we’re fed from being small And obviously people don’t talk about the happiness, the small moments that mean so much; the kiss on the head before they leave for work, the buying things they know you like, the comfort they provide, the wink across a crowded room to let you know they’re always thinking of you So happy ones - what are the things in your relationship that mean the most, that make you never doubt they’re the right person, that provide you comfort and security and make you feel desired? What makes a happy relationship?

BennieAndBert · 18/02/2022 22:17

We have a happy relationship.

I feel DH takes me and my feelings seriously
We try hard to communicate well- don’t always succeed but do our best.
laugh a lot.
Lots of physical affection,
generally I feel that DH has my best interests at heart, he is decent and kind and wants to make everything work.
we give each other the benefit of the doubt- try not to assume that a duff joke was actually a dig, try not to take offence where none was meant or that the other person isn’t being honest.

Obviously we also annoy each other sometimes and have our faults but I think we always feel we’re on the same team, if that makes any sense.

CatherinedeBourgh · 18/02/2022 22:19

Complete and utter trust.

We both know we have each other's backs, and that we can count on each other whatever happens.

Of course there are all the little things, but they are just the manifestations of that.

Yahyahs22 · 18/02/2022 22:22

My partner hates football for a start. He's a great hands on dad, who works and provides for us (little one under 2 and one on the way). He brings me hot water bottles in the evening and loads the dishwasher at night if I haven't done it. And I give him shoulder massages, don't moan at him for stupid unimportant things like forgetting to take the bins out. We aim to make each others lives easier not harder. Full trust. Complete honesty and lots of love! No feminazi man bashing and no woman get back in the kitchen.

MrsTimRiggins · 18/02/2022 22:24

We have each other’s back, no matter what. I know absolutely that he’ll support me in anything I do. The trust we have in each other to do the best by one another covers pretty much everything.. if you can trust that, it gives you an enormous sense of security in all aspects of you relationship. Also, he’s funny, kind, thoughtful and affectionate… and I really fancy him

sherbetmelon · 18/02/2022 22:25

My DH has a heart of gold. We trust each other completely, and have our best times when we are together. We are two parts of one whole. He texts me to ask how my day's going, tells me he loves me every day, makes me a coffee every morning before work, shares the household/parental responsibility 50/50 and picks up the slack to make my life easier. These things may not seem important to others but they make me feel happy and loved every day. I feel incredibly lucky every day.

MonkeyPuddle · 18/02/2022 22:25

I trust him, he trusts me.
We make each other cum. I would like more but we settle of his level. That’s fine by me.
We hold hands.
We buy each other a pizza every now and again.
He’s a fucking excellent dad.

Scout98765 · 18/02/2022 22:27

My relationship is not perfect but I trust dh 100%. That’s how I know I married the right man.

CantLock · 18/02/2022 22:42

This is such a nice thread to read. Someone said recently that people don't write when things go well, which I thought was sad because people like me need to be educated that there's a whole universe out there some of us haven't tapped into - yet - hopefully the operative word being yet.

pumpkinpie01 · 18/02/2022 22:42

My dh makes me so happy - he is so easy to live with , we make each other laugh he is so witty with his one liners there is not a day goes by when he doesn't make me laugh . We don't argue if we disagree on anything (which is rare ) he just lets me have my own way 😀. We have lots of great sex , we trust each other , we discuss all decisions and plans . I really can't imagine being with anyone else.

ImInStealthMode · 18/02/2022 22:50

@sherbetmelon

My DH has a heart of gold. We trust each other completely, and have our best times when we are together. We are two parts of one whole. He texts me to ask how my day's going, tells me he loves me every day, makes me a coffee every morning before work, shares the household/parental responsibility 50/50 and picks up the slack to make my life easier. These things may not seem important to others but they make me feel happy and loved every day. I feel incredibly lucky every day.

Mine is exactly like this, but I'll add that he is fantastic with my friends too (the antithesis of my EXH), would never let a female friend walk home on her own, remembers things about their lives, makes a real effort to get on with them and their partners.

He's kind and respectful to everyone in my life and his and pulls more than his weight at home.

Also we have great sex and on my terms; again a big change from past relationships for me.

Oh and he's not interested in football; big bonus

totallyoutnumbered · 18/02/2022 23:17

Me and my DP are so similar. It could've backfired I guess. He's really laid back, let's me know every day how lucky he feels and his actions show this. He's genuinely kind, super affectionate. Amazing with my boys and with his own kids. We have incredible sex and we belly laugh every day. It's a given that I just trust him. I never thought a live like this was meant for me as I'd always become attached to
Emotionally unavailable men (my EXH included). I thought that unless love was an effort it wasn't love. I was so wrong

Loveandlimpets · 18/02/2022 23:34

We like the same things and are similar in lots of ways. We rarely row. We more or less split chores 50/50. We both earn and contribute. We both look after each other and try and do nice things for each other.

nellytheelephantscircus · 18/02/2022 23:43

My DP always listens and tries to understand my POV, even if he doesn't agree with me. I do the same which means we communicate effectively and don't allow niggles or misunderstandings fester.

We make each other laugh all the time

He doesn't have to be "told" or "reminded" to do chores- he just does them like I would and that makes me feel like I'm not carrying the whole mental load and I don't resent him like I did my exH.

We're very affectionate all the time and I know he doesn't just cuddle or kiss me when he wants sex. I feel he genuinely thinks I'm the sexiest thing to walk the planet, but he also loves my wit and respects me.

I could honestly tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me.

Life is just so easy and happy and I hope it never changes.

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 18/02/2022 23:48

My life became 100% better the moment we met. Complete trust and honesty. We are a team, a partnership where we make equal amounts of effort with one another. Pretty much the exact opposite of my ex with whom I was miserable

MrsBaublesDylan · 19/02/2022 00:16

My dh likes me as I am. I think he is the only person who hasn't tried to improve me in some way.

We've been together 20 years and he finds me funny and listens to me when I'm chatting on.

He makes me laugh, is kind and listens.

There has always been an equality and understanding between us.

We both find the other bloody wonderful.

layladomino · 19/02/2022 08:10

I'm the football fan in our house .

My DH is utterly loyal and always has my back. We laugh a lot. He likes making me happy. He's hard working and a great dad / SD. I feel I'm in a relationship of equals. He tells me regularly how lucky he is / he's batting above his average.

It all goes both ways.

rabbitwoman · 19/02/2022 08:31

It is true love, yes. But true love is actually very boring most of the tine, it involves a lot of unblocking hair from drains, doing laundry, and having to spend time with each others families that romantic films and books don't really show.

I suppose if you are happy with that most of the time then that is true love and it will endure.

Of course, if it was only that, it would be rubbish, but living with someone who makes you laugh, wants to talk about all sorts of things and shows you affection every day is wonderful.

My DH is also about the cleverest person I know, he knows about EVERYTHING and can fix anything or make anything work, from washing machines to computers to sew a seam on a pair of trousers, and if he doesn't know about something he will research it until he is an expert.

BennieAndBert · 19/02/2022 08:50

@rabbitwoman Your post reminded me of this poem-

Atlas

There is a kind of love called maintenance
Which stores the WD40 and knows when to use it;

Which checks the insurance, and doesn’t forget
The milkman; which remembers to plant bulbs;

Which answers letters; which knows the way
The money goes; which deals with dentists

And Road Fund Tax and meeting trains,
And postcards to the lonely; which upholds

The permanently rickety elaborate
Structures of living, which is Atlas.

And maintenance is the sensible side of love,
Which knows what time and weather are doing
To my brickwork; insulates my faulty wiring;
Laughs at my dryrotten jokes; remembers
My need for gloss and grouting; which keeps
My suspect edifice upright in air,
As Atlas did the sky.

UA Fanthorpe, from Safe as Houses (Peterloo Poets, 1995)

Ragwort · 19/02/2022 08:59

That's a good poem ... I would say we are content rather than blissfully happy, my DH is very responsible, financially astute and generous... I can't imagine ever bickering over 'who pays for what'. We give each other a lot of 'space', we recognise that we have different interests, hobbies, things we like to do and we don't need to be in each other's pockets all the time.

He always does things like looking after the garden, cars, booking holidays, insurance etc ... and his own washing, ironing .. he enjoys cooking & shopping. Most of all he loves being a Dad and spending time with our DS ... even though he's 20 and at Uni .. they are having a weekend away together this weekend. And he is very kind towards my elderly parents.

But neither of is perfect of course .... .

rabbitwoman · 19/02/2022 09:01

Awww, that's gorgeous.....

And I think actually, quite rare to find a relationship like that because the greatest romantic lovers and cool rock star men probably aren't very good at setting up the gas direct debit.....

I have been with rabbitman for 18 years and it sometimes feels like we are the same person to the extent I might forget i am even married.....but he is always there....

HeadNorth · 19/02/2022 18:16

When I met my DH I found my home. Very insecure upbringing, rackety mis spent youth, just before I turned 24 I found the person that would give me the love and support I’d always lacked- and he found me. We’ve grown up together, raised our children together, loved and lost together and he is still my safe happy place.

He is witty and educated but more importantly endlessly grounded, calm and kind. His large presence radiates peace and that all is ok in the world. We have fabulous shared adventures and also our own adventures and he supports me in my stupid, expensive support. I feel so lucky at that change meeting over 30 years ago.

HeadNorth · 19/02/2022 18:20

This is the poem I think of when I think of my husband:

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave
They got quarters and I had a half

And that orange, it made me so happy
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all of the jobs on my list.
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

The Gladdest Thing by Wendy Cope.

StCharlotte · 19/02/2022 18:28

@CantLock

This is such a nice thread to read. Someone said recently that people don't write when things go well, which I thought was sad because people like me need to be educated that there's a whole universe out there some of us haven't tapped into - yet - hopefully the operative word being yet.

When I was long term single I thought "all men are bastards" because no one came out and said anything good about them and I only got to hear all the crap about them from friends.

I think the key to my good relationship is perhaps that we treat each other as equals (among other stuff).

Keep the faith OP, there are many great blokes out there

PlanetNormal · 19/02/2022 18:33

DP is first & foremost my best friend. We were good mates for years before we got together as a couple, so the relationship evolved out of friendship rather than superficial physical attraction.

It’s not, and has never been, a traditional marriage because neither of us wanted that. We are not married, have no plans to marry, and are happily childfree by choice. We have hobbies & interests which we pursue separately. We own a house together but apart from that we maintain separate finances. We are both financially independent enough to walk away if we wanted to but we stay together because we both want to, not because we are ‘trapped’.

This sort of relationship might not work for most people, but we are not ‘most people’ and we never wanted to be. I, in particular, was never, ever going to be the little woman stuck at home with the kids and financially dependent on a husband who had all the power in the marriage. Fuck that for a life.

Bubbles1st · 19/02/2022 18:35

We do things for each other as well as ourselves. So lots of compromise but ultimately we both usually then get what we would like.

Spend lots of time together - including work as self employed together.

Understand each other very well, similar sense of humour and morals help

Find each other very attractive

Respect and appreciate the type of parent we are to our son

Include each other in decision making

Love each other deeply and passionately and both knows from previous marriages what went wrong/ wanted to know our relationship was positive and had longevity