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Original poster

Birth certificate issues

34 replies

Hayley1801 · 18/02/2022 14:54

I recently had a baby, I broke up with my partner just after our baby was born as he is controlling and manipulative. Since then he has been a nightmare with seeing our baby and I have decided I don’t want his name on the birth certificate as I am pretty sure once his name is on there he is going to take our baby and refuse to give him back. I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and has any advice or thinks I should do things differently?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot · 18/02/2022 14:59

I think your doing the right thing. Keep his name off the birth certificate and don't let him have any parental rights.

Have you put in a claim for child maintenance yet? Do that as soon as possible because I don't think it can be backdated.

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 15:04

I think you're doing the right thing too.

RedCandyApple · 18/02/2022 15:05

You don’t have to put him on there but he can take it to court and will be added if he is the father. Something to bare in mind

MadeForThis · 18/02/2022 15:06

Don't put him on.

horrayforharoldlloyd · 18/02/2022 17:06

He would have to attend the registrar WITH you for his name to be entered, so it is probably not an option anyway! Please give the baby your last name.

LightfoldEngines · 18/02/2022 17:07

Absolutely the right thing. If you’re not married there’s no automatic PR so don’t bloody give it to him.

CornishGem1975 · 18/02/2022 17:08

I wouldn't put him on. Just go and do it, he can't do it without you the mother, and you can't do it without him there. Let him take you to court to do it if he wants it.

pokgvnutvhyd · 18/02/2022 17:08

You're doing the right thing.

He can take you to court if he wants too though so be prepared for that.

Hopefully he won't bother and will leave you alone.

cherryonthecakes · 18/02/2022 17:59

If he's controlling and manipulative (ie likely to kick off at try registration meeting) then that's a good reason to go on your own but realise that he can be easily he added by filling out a form and paying the fee. The only way he would let be added is if DNA showed that he wasn't the father.

Whydothat · 18/02/2022 18:10

Don't put him on the birth cert and give the baby your surname only.

Natty13 · 18/02/2022 21:07

@DenholmElliot

I think your doing the right thing. Keep his name off the birth certificate and don't let him have any parental rights.

Have you put in a claim for child maintenance yet? Do that as soon as possible because I don't think it can be backdated.

Um, I don't think you can leave him off the birth cert and claim maintenance. From a legal perspective he either is the father - and has to pay maintenance but has right for visitation, parental responsibility etc. Or he isn't - no rights but no responsibilities.
Comedycook · 18/02/2022 21:10

I don't think you can leave him off the birth cert and claim maintenance

You can.

Comedycook · 18/02/2022 21:11

I think you're doing the right thing op in not putting him on there....and you can still make a claim for child maintenance despite what that poster has said.

RedCandyApple · 18/02/2022 21:14

Yes you can claim maintenance if he is not on the bc

BlueMoon23 · 18/02/2022 21:14

He can apply for Parental responsibility through the court even if you don't put his name on the birth certificate

Natty13 · 18/02/2022 21:55

@RedCandyApple

Yes you can claim maintenance if he is not on the bc
Interesting. What's to stop him saying "I'm not the father, I'm paying nothing"? Without the BC, where is the proof he is the dad and responsible to pay?
Comedycook · 18/02/2022 21:58

Interesting. What's to stop him saying "I'm not the father, I'm paying nothing"? Without the BC, where is the proof he is the dad and responsible to pay?

He can deny parentage but would have to take a DNA test I think.

Remember, unmarried women can only put the father on the birth certificate if he goes with them to register the birth. Therefore a woman can't just put him down. If not being in the bc meant he avoided child maintenance, loads of men would probably not rock up!

sofakingcool · 18/02/2022 21:58

@LightfoldEngines

Absolutely the right thing. If you’re not married there’s no automatic PR so don’t bloody give it to him.
Is that definitely right? I thought both parents now have PR even if unmarried. Long story but I know the rules changed Dec 2003, before then it was only if married.

Although I don't know if leaving the father off the BC means he doesn't have PR?

OP - If you can avoid your ex getting PR I would. I avoided it with my eldest (born before the law changed in 2003) and it was probably the best thing that happened. He would have been very controlling otherwise

TracyMosby · 18/02/2022 21:59

@Natty13 thats wrong. Stop giving advice that is untrue. It could be dangerous to do so.

Op, leave him off the birth certificate. Give the baby the name you want. He can go to court to have his name added, so this is short term, but he needs to put the effort in for that and lots dont bother.

LightfoldEngines · 18/02/2022 21:59

Yes that’s definitely right.

He only gets PR if he’s on the birth certificate.

sofakingcool · 18/02/2022 22:00

@LightfoldEngines

Yes that’s definitely right.

He only gets PR if he’s on the birth certificate.

Ooh ok, def leave him off OP!!
LightfoldEngines · 18/02/2022 22:00

@BlueMoon23

He can apply for Parental responsibility through the court even if you don't put his name on the birth certificate
Yes he can but most arseholes don’t bother.
sofakingcool · 18/02/2022 22:01

Personal experience - courts are pretty good at not giving PR to knobheads. Thankfully they saw straight through my ex

LightfoldEngines · 18/02/2022 22:04

And yes it does no mean no PR

To gain PR he would have to

  • Apply to court
  • Get a DNA test

All costly and most controlling abusers don’t once they realise the legwork the involved.

I’ve spent all of DDs 6 years terrified my ex will rock up at some point, unfortunately I didn’t realise he was abusive when I married him, nor when I fell pregnant or when I registered DD - however as we were married, he still had PR regardless of I’d left him off.

It was only when she was around 8 weeks old and he physically attacked me, the neighbours called the police during the assault and I was too frightened to even consider getting back with him.

Fortunately he’s stayed fucked off.

But that’s how I can say all the above 100%.

RedCandyApple · 18/02/2022 22:45

Interesting. What's to stop him saying "I'm not the father, I'm paying nothing"? Without the BC, where is the proof he is the dad and responsible to pay?

Well imagine how many men would refuse to go on the bc to avoid paying maintenance, if he has doubts he is the father they will offer him a dna test

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