Is it okay to end marriage just because I don't like being married?

[SunnydaleHSAlumna]

Do you think, not taking account of any history or previous actions, that it's okay to end a marriage just because I don't actually like being married that much?

I feel like I've been tying myself in knots lately and feeling really anxious, trying to decide if I should end my marriage, is DH a good husband, do I love him, why do I want to leave, am I expecting too much, am I just ungrateful, etc etc.

But I just seem to keep being drawn back to the same thing... I just don't think I like being married that much. We've fallen into very traditional roles and suffered infertility and all I ever wanted growing up was to be a mum and now after ten years of it, marriage is looking very different than what I expected it to be. I would never get married again if we did split up. I do love him a lot, but he is very content in his job and his life, whereas for me if I'm not going to be a Mum, my current life feels very empty and I can't bear the thought of another 40 years of this.

I'm almost 36. I do definitely need to create some change in my life, whether that's with him or not.

@mugglenutmeg I find the thought of never seeing him again very sad. But I think there would also be a relief to it, and I think I could actually be happy for him to fall in love with someone else, as I've said he's not really a bad person and in a lot of ways he deserves better than someone who is questioning their marriage, he deserves to have someone who knows they love him and is happy with him.

@isabelherna that's good advice, thank you. I do need to be better at doing things for myself. I always feel guilty about it. He doesn't mind the odd time I go out, but if it were multiple times a week, every week... I'm not sure he'd be happy with it. Could I ask how old you are? I have thought that if we did split up I could try IVF with donor sperm, in fact I feel more strongly about doing that than I do about trying another round with DH.

You have one life, and it’s short. Live your life your way.

Op, depending on your fertility issues, IVF may not be the answer...you said you have fertility issues, you didn't disclose what they were. As I'm sure you're aware IVF is expensive, can be extremely hard on the body, and has a high failure rate...did you have any preliminary fertility tests done? If so, you would have been advised by the clinic what your options are.

I had IVF with a sperm donor aged 39 and was successful on the first go, but I was extremely lucky and wouldn't advise anyone to leave this late... If you want to get your ducks in a row, I'd start now if I were you.

OP I hear you. We went through many years of fertility treatment with issues on both sides before having our ds through double donation. It was a massive strain on our marriage and one we struggled to recover from. If the treatment hadn’t worked I don’t think we would have had the glue. As a little family unit now, we do, but there are still challenges and constraints that I feel based on our dynamics and personalities. Different to your DH but still challenging at times as we are really opposite personalities.

Without the child I personally would have cut ties.

At the moment it is all about him. His work is also his hobby and he gets to come home and have everything done for him. If he works late every day, then you may as well not be there. You don't go out because he wouldn't like it. You don't live in a city where your career would really progress because he doesn't want to and you're not travelling because he doesn't want to.

You're willing to compromise on everything but he doesn't on anything.

I think you need to sit down and discuss with him how things could be going forward.

And there's the IVF with sperm donor -would he consider that? Or maybe an embryo donation?