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Original poster

He has an issue with me going out with my friend.

32 replies

mypandaproblem · 16/02/2022 11:01

We are in our forties.
She is married for years. When we go out she is exceptionally flirtatious, provocative towards men and comes onto men regularly. She has been with many and headed home with them on our nights out. She has no interest in our opinions whatsoever on this. Says it's her business and we don't know what hours on in her marriage.
She says her marriage is sexless and doesn't care for him but won't leave because of the kids. I think he is oblivious but when they areout together which is rare she is still flirty and disappears for ages from the group.
It is well known in our circles and village that this is her normal when socialising but my partner now has a problem with me socialising with her.
Thoughts?

OP posts:
Susu49 · 16/02/2022 11:03

It's none of your business and your title seems irrelevant to your post.

Pinkbonbon · 16/02/2022 11:04

Tbh, I wouldn't want my partner socialising with someone like that either. Everyrhing else asside she sounds like she is mardy cow to you. Why would you want a friend like that?

Assuming your partner has no problem with your other friends?

Original poster
mypandaproblem · 16/02/2022 11:05

Absolutely not my business and I don't want any involvement but how is my title not relevant? My partner doesn't want me socialising with her for those reasons set out above.

OP posts:
Original poster
mypandaproblem · 16/02/2022 11:06

He has no problem with my other friends.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 16/02/2022 11:07

Is she a good friend to you, OP?

Babadook76 · 16/02/2022 11:08

I think I’m with your oh on this. Your friend has no morals and there’s something else I’d like to call her but it would probably get me a ban on here. It would be controlling of your husband to want to put a stop to your friendship altogether, but I can certainly see why he wouldn’t you going out with her. There’s a difference between having a girly night out for a drink and a gossip, and going out with a friend who’s spending the evening trying to pull and shag other men behind her husbands back.

Original poster
mypandaproblem · 16/02/2022 11:09

She is a good friend to me outside of the overt sexual double entendres that seem to spill out towards other men in my company which makes me cringe and embarrassed me.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 16/02/2022 11:10

Why does it mean the op shouldn’t go out with her? As long as the op isn’t doing the same thing then he shouldn’t be commenting on who she sees

Luckingfovely · 16/02/2022 11:12

Hmm. Usually I - and most of MN I expect - would say tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Her behaviour does affect this slightly - if she wants to slag about that's up to her, but I can also see a potential viewpoint that if she disappears off mid evening you could left alone / vulnerable / open to approaches from men assuming you're up for the same as her.

So - if he doesn't want you to go about with her because of your safety - I can kind of get that.

On the other hand, if it's because he just doesn't trust you to behave, then that's a different story.

What do you think is his motivation?

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 16/02/2022 11:14

Personally, I couldn't be friends with someone like that. I wouldn't want to be out with a friend who disappears off with random men during the evening. She is using you as a cover. "I'm out with mypandaproblem to shag random blokes for a drink tonight."

What value does she add to your life?

Original poster
mypandaproblem · 16/02/2022 11:14

I honestly think it's because of the way that she is when she is out and that is well known by everyone in our village and the thoughts of me being associated with her and us being a couple, pisses him off.

OP posts:
Peachtoiletpaper · 16/02/2022 11:16

I can see his point tbh. Sounds like the husband is known to you both socially to some extent too? I wouldn't like a partner going on nights out where their friend was picking up people with whom to cheat on their spouse. Maybe it's an open marriage etc. but you don't know that and I'd feel uncomfortable with the husband being made a fool of like that.

Is she a good friend to you? Could you go for lunch/ coffee instead of nights out? I have to say I wouldn't want to be involved in this.

Seapoint2002 · 16/02/2022 11:27

Why would you want to be associated with someone like this. You are being complicit to her actions by being part of her reason to go out. If her husband finds out that you knew this is going on your name and that of your husband will be dragged into the village gossip.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 16/02/2022 11:29

I'd be furious with him that he thinks if I go out with her, I'll behave like her. That's the problem. He is saying he doesn't trust you.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 16/02/2022 11:30

X post, yes, or what will people thiiiink...

Pinkbonbon · 16/02/2022 11:31

She isn't a good friend though because she isn't a nice person.

So what if she is nice to you (and that's debatable by the sound of things) a friend should meet a certainly standardnfor being a decent human being surely?

She cheats on her husband. On nights out with you
Right in front of you. And then tells you it's none of your buisness.

She is a bitch.
And it doesn't sound like she likes either you or her husband very much.

Pinkbonbon · 16/02/2022 11:31

*certain standard for being

DropYourSword · 16/02/2022 11:35

@WouldIwasShookspeared

I'd be furious with him that he thinks if I go out with her, I'll behave like her. That's the problem. He is saying he doesn't trust you.
That's not necessarily his view though!
trackerby · 16/02/2022 11:46

You're being used as a wing woman.

inheritancetrack · 16/02/2022 11:49

Why would you want to go out for an evening with someone like this. Her focus isn't on you and your friendship. Especially as she may dump you for some man. I'd meet her for lunch and leave the evenings alone . Don't bland DH at all

Friendofdennis · 16/02/2022 11:57

She’s not wanting to go out to be spending time with you is she ? I would feel like a lemon sitting there with all this flirting etc going on. I wouldn’t want to go out. I think your husband can see that she is not really interested in spending time with you let alone the risk to your reputation by association possibly

Babadook76 · 16/02/2022 12:21

@Shoxfordian

Why does it mean the op shouldn’t go out with her? As long as the op isn’t doing the same thing then he shouldn’t be commenting on who she sees
Because it’s a complete change of dynamics. If my oh was going out with a friend who was going to spend the evening chatting up and trying to shag loads of girls, I wouldn’t like it either.
Shoxfordian · 16/02/2022 12:45

I wouldn’t care if my dh was out with a friend doing that as I trust him and I know he isn’t doing it

It’s not ok to say who your partner can and can’t spend time with

Pinkbonbon · 16/02/2022 12:55

@Shoxfordian

I wouldn’t care if my dh was out with a friend doing that as I trust him and I know he isn’t doing it

It’s not ok to say who your partner can and can’t spend time with

If you're out with someone like that, you never know what kind of situation you might find yourself in. I trust myself not to cheat too but the fact is, you're putting yourself with someone who has those moral standards, how do you know they won't rub off on you? Can you say that for certain? I don't think I'd believe anyone that said yes. Because a truly reliable person, probably wpuldnt put themselves in that situation in the first place.
caranations · 16/02/2022 12:57

Someone who behaves like that isn't the sort of friend I would want to spend any time with.