Orgasms after menopause

[Watchkeys]

My partner cannot orgasm. She's post menopause, and menopause is clearly what's caused the problem. Has anybody been in this position, and if so, how did you deal with it?

From what I have read testosterone can help with this. She could ask her GP, though if you can afford it you may find a private menopause clinic more helpful.

Why is your partner not posting about this? Does she regard this as a problem? Because if the issue is that she has lost her libido and is not really interested in regaining it, then that is a separate issue you have in your relationship.

She doesn't use MN. Libido isn't the problem; she's always keen to try! I just want to make sure, as her partner, that there's nothing we've missed in our research about the issue. MN can be such a hive of helpful hints and tips!

Top tip: exercise! Cardio, strength training with weights, and ab work. But I mean exercise to the point of 'I'm going to die', which is very uncomfortable during it, but feels amazing afterwards.

In my (unscientific and unresearched) view, I think are two elements to this. Some sort of effect on testosterone levels/endorphins which increases sensitivity, and, weight loss. I am convinced that weight gain around the middle decreases sensitivity to the muscles which in turn help with orgasm.

She should discuss it with her GP if it’s bothering her.

@MatildaTheCat

She should discuss it with her GP if it’s bothering her.

Yes, I'm sure she will. GP will probably leap to giving her hormones though, which she'd rather not do if there's other things she could try.

GPs don't rush to prescribe HRT if that's what you mean. They only prescribe it if it's safe to do so, and regularly monitor thereafter. HRT replaces / tops up hormones that your body loses during menopause.

Don't dismiss it out of hand without properly understanding the pros and cons. I know it doesn't suit everyone, but for me (and several friends) it's like turning the clock back to pre-menopause.

I second loads of exercise! I'm a post menopause personal trainer/group fitness instructor and I ALWAYS orgasm. Keeping the pelvic floor super strong(Pilates is the best for this) is essential for orgasms!

Don't assume she sees it in the same way as you. To us men the of satisfying sex without an orgasm is a contradiction in terms. But women don't necessarily see it that way, my DW orgasms perhaps 40-50% of the time but often pronounces herself satisfied without one. I wondered at first if she was just saying that to make me feel good but over the years (we are early 60s) I have come to the view that she is genuine and does not see an orgasm as essential every time we DTD.

OP might be female?!

I was like your wife. it's awful and I don't do HRT because I don't like where it comes from and the animal suffering.

GP won't do anything except give her a vaginal pessary like Replens type thing, but that does not help orgasm.

She needs to raise testosterone. if you have money, she can go to a private menopause clinic. if not, she needs to start lifting heavy to raise testosterone. I do it and it helped a lot. I have weights at home.

Never knew that about lifting heavy re testosterone - how heavy are we talking? @Juliauns91

@Anothernick

Thanks for reminding me not to make assumptions. I'm female myself, but your wisdom on how women feel is infinitely useful.

@Juliauns91

That's really interesting about heavy lifting. I actually lift myself, so will suggest to her what you've said. As an ex personal trainer, I can show her the ropes. Thanks for this suggestion.

Is she on anti depressants OP? They can inhibit orgasm.

And lol at @Anothernick - i'd be pretty pissed off at 40-50% myself.

Has she said that not having an orgasm is bothering her? Sex can be just as nice / emotional closeness without the climax (menopausal or not).

Do you feel like you've not done a good enough job if she doesn't orgasm?

Sometimes trying too hard can stop it happening.

@Itsnotdeep No, no anti depressants, she's a very happy person. Thanks for the thought though.

@DatingDinosaur It's not about how good a job I'm doing, for me or for her. It's frustrating for her, but she enjoys sex anyway. She can't even climax with self stimulation.

@Juliauns91

I was like your wife. it's awful and I don't do HRT because I don't like where it comes from and the animal suffering.

GP won't do anything except give her a vaginal pessary like Replens type thing, but that does not help orgasm.

She needs to raise testosterone. if you have money, she can go to a private menopause clinic. if not, she needs to start lifting heavy to raise testosterone. I do it and it helped a lot. I have weights at home.

Premarin (I assume you mean this by "animal suffering") doesn't seem to be much prescribed these days. There are many alternatives.

@Juliauns91 most HRT these days is derived from yams so don’t let that put you off if you’d like to try it.

You say menopause has clearly caused the problem - how do you really know that and in what way , mentally or physically or both? As someone else said consult a doc. HRT is my answer to a better sex life than I have ever had - it keeps you young and provides health benefits in so many ways. It improves your libido. She may also want to consider something like Vagifem which can help with vaginal atrophy. Lots of threads about this in the Menopause section.

She says menopause has caused the problem, and it's physical. There's no issue with her libido at all.

Didn't even know there was a menopause section, thanks for that, I'll have a look!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/menopause

Does your wife have any of these symptoms? menopausesupport.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/GSM-OF-MENOPAUSE-SYMPTOM-CHECKER2.pdf

If so she might have vaginal atrophy which can cause the tissue in the area including covering the clitoris to thin and this can cause loss of sensation. Some women find when they use local estrogen (vaginal pessary or cream - sometimes both) that things start tingling again and orgasms improve. Available as body identical treatment, derived from yams and basically replacing what our body can no longer make as it used to.
d2931px9t312xa.cloudfront.net/menopausedoctor/files/information/463/Vaginal%20Dryness%20v21-02.pdf

@Anothernick

Don't assume she sees it in the same way as you. To us men the of satisfying sex without an orgasm is a contradiction in terms. But women don't necessarily see it that way, my DW orgasms perhaps 40-50% of the time but often pronounces herself satisfied without one. I wondered at first if she was just saying that to make me feel good but over the years (we are early 60s) I have come to the view that she is genuine and does not see an orgasm as essential every time we DTD.

As others have said , No way I’d be happy with that as a woman either but thanks for advising us women not to assume how women feel

@Anothernick I presume you feel dissatisfied by not climaxing, but you don't consider that after you're finished you could offer more to help your wife out?

Rather than tell women how women feel, try a bit of patience and new things so your wife is more satisfied.