Orgasms after menopause

[Watchkeys]

My partner cannot orgasm. She's post menopause, and menopause is clearly what's caused the problem. Has anybody been in this position, and if so, how did you deal with it?

@Fieldsville

Top tip: exercise! Cardio, strength training with weights, and ab work. But I mean exercise to the point of 'I'm going to die', which is very uncomfortable during it, but feels amazing afterwards.

In my (unscientific and unresearched) view, I think are two elements to this. Some sort of effect on testosterone levels/endorphins which increases sensitivity, and, weight loss. I am convinced that weight gain around the middle decreases sensitivity to the muscles which in turn help with orgasm.

@Fieldsville I think it's more likely going to be increased testosterone, with maybe a few added extras like serotonin and endorphins. Circulation might improve quite a bit as well which would help.

@Juliauns91

I was like your wife. it's awful and I don't do HRT because I don't like where it comes from and the animal suffering.

GP won't do anything except give her a vaginal pessary like Replens type thing, but that does not help orgasm.

She needs to raise testosterone. if you have money, she can go to a private menopause clinic. if not, she needs to start lifting heavy to raise testosterone. I do it and it helped a lot. I have weights at home.

@Juliauns91 I have to respond to the nonsense about not liking where HRT comes from and the animal suffering. I have been on oestrogen only HRT for 33 years now. Mine is produced from yams. Nobody I know takes Premarin which is derived from the urine of pregnant mares. Most people on HRT are intelligent women well able to choose an ethical product.

@Fieldsville

Top tip: exercise! Cardio, strength training with weights, and ab work. But I mean exercise to the point of 'I'm going to die', which is very uncomfortable during it, but feels amazing afterwards.

In my (unscientific and unresearched) view, I think are two elements to this. Some sort of effect on testosterone levels/endorphins which increases sensitivity, and, weight loss. I am convinced that weight gain around the middle decreases sensitivity to the muscles which in turn help with orgasm.

I'm PM & porky. I put on a stone over lockdown & I don't have any problems in that regard.

Top tip: eat good quality chocolate.

@Fieldsville

Never knew that about lifting heavy re testosterone - how heavy are we talking? *@Juliauns91*

Hand weights 16lb each is what I started with as an absolute beginner: I got my whole body strong with those.

-going up to now deadlifting 270-lb. My bodyweight is 170lb
I am 58.

[quote RoyKentsChestHair]@Juliauns91 most HRT these days is derived from yams so don’t let that put you off if you’d like to try it.[/quote]
I was only offered Premarin on the NHS and unfortunately can't afford to go to a private clinic - I wish! I would have chosen bioidentical hormones I have read about, but GP said no.

[quote Enough4me]**@Anothernick I presume you feel dissatisfied by not climaxing, but you don't consider that after you're finished you could offer more to help your wife out?

Rather than tell women how women feel, try a bit of patience and new things so your wife is more satisfied.[/quote]
Yes. I also wondered if Nick had ever posted on a forum to ask women how to help his wife orgasm more frequently, or if he'd only posted on the issue to say what he's said here, which is, basically, 'Don't worry, chaps, we don't need to concern ourselves with this women-having-orgasms thing! They're not that bothered anyway!'

Have you @Anothernick? Have you ever asked anyone for advice on the matter?

I am not trying to convey anything beyond my personal experience - we've been together more than 30 years, our relationship has endured partly because of the sexual connection. I should perhaps have made it clearer that my DW used to orgasm more often, frequency has declined in the last few years as we are 64 now, but, like the OPs partner, this does not seem to have affected her desire for intimacy.

@Juliauns91 you need to see a different Gp. Oestrogel and utrogestan are the most commonly prescribed forms of HRT - both bio identical and either involve any sort of animal suffering! I’m really shocked people even still think that’s a thing! It was a thing when my Mum was taking it in the late 80s/90s but it’s moved on from then!

*neither

Well, @Anothernick, you're the only voice on the thread saying 'Perhaps just don't worry about it', and the only man.

If you think really really hard about it, you might learn something.

Another nick , yeah she’s probably lying.

Women do very much care .
But if the sex isn’t very good then we generally don’t want more of it.
So ‘ no babe it’s great, it doesn’t matter, I enjoy just feeling close to you’
Is probably not true.🤣

@Watchkeys

She doesn't use MN. Libido isn't the problem; she's always keen to try! I just want to make sure, as her partner, that there's nothing we've missed in our research about the issue. MN can be such a hive of helpful hints and tips!

If it bothers you so much, surely it's a tiny step to suggest she joins MN and asks other women?

I am not sure you are being totally honest with us. :)

You just want to be sure we have not missed anything in our research.

What and where has she been researching?

Or is this really all about your needs and ego that you want her to orgasm?

There is masses of info online on this kind of thing if she had done any research.

Orgasms can decline after menopause but not always. Women who need help, can be prescribed testosterone. But they can't have it without using HRT as well, and they can't get testosterone from a GP- only from a private gynae consultant. It's not licensed for use by women, on the NHS.

I suspect this is all about you, rather than her, or she'd join MN and ask away!

@statetrooperstacey

Another nick , yeah she’s probably lying.

Women do very much care .
But if the sex isn’t very good then we generally don’t want more of it.
So ‘ no babe it’s great, it doesn’t matter, I enjoy just feeling close to you’
Is probably not true.🤣

Yep.

@JinglingHellsBells

Very supportive, thanks!

But they can't have it without using HRT as well, and they can't get testosterone from a GP- only from a private gynae consultant. It's not licensed for use by women, on the NHS

I am in Wales and when I asked at my my NHS hospital women's health clinic thing (was there about peri menopause symptoms), they told me that they do prescribe testosterone for this reason. I don't need it yet - though have taken on the tips here about weight training and pelvic floor - but its good to know it is there.

@Anothernick

Don't assume she sees it in the same way as you. To us men the of satisfying sex without an orgasm is a contradiction in terms. But women don't necessarily see it that way, my DW orgasms perhaps 40-50% of the time but often pronounces herself satisfied without one. I wondered at first if she was just saying that to make me feel good but over the years (we are early 60s) I have come to the view that she is genuine and does not see an orgasm as essential every time we DTD.

That's not typical of women though. Just your wife. The majority of women would absolutely not be satisfied without an orgasm.

Some GPs who are more knowledgeable of menopause are happy to offer testosterone. If not a referral can be made to a menopause clinic As mentioned HRT is usually given first to raise estrogen levels, otherwise testosterone can convert to estrogen and the benefit is lost.

Also see my post above regarding VA and local estrogen that might help restore sensation to the clitoris.

Premarin is no longer offered as standard on the NHS as we have body identical options, though appreciate that for women in other countries this might be the only (affordable) choice.

Are you all saying that you require an orgasm EVERY TIME you have sex???? I certainly don't and ive got a pretty high sex drive.

A lot of the sex i have with DH is about love, intimacy and comfort, a connection. Its not always about saucy, spicy sex, but often is. We also have really spontaneous quick ones as well and there's no chance of orgasm in that. But i am always satisfied after whether physically or mentally. I am also post menopause.

Stop giving @Anothernick such a hard time. It is always useful to hear a male point of view and he was only talking about his wife, not women in general.

@over50andfab

Some GPs who are more knowledgeable of menopause are happy to offer testosterone. If not a referral can be made to a menopause clinic As mentioned HRT is usually given first to raise estrogen levels, otherwise testosterone can convert to estrogen and the benefit is lost.

Also see my post above regarding VA and local estrogen that might help restore sensation to the clitoris.

Premarin is no longer offered as standard on the NHS as we have body identical options, though appreciate that for women in other countries this might be the only (affordable) choice.

@over50andfab This is not about knowledge or about GPs being 'happy' to offer it. I'm happy to be corrected, obviously, but the women I know of who use it had to go to a private consultant first then their GP was able to do the top-up prescriptions.

In England ( one poster mentioned Wales where she is) testosterone is simply not licensed for women. It doesn't exist as an option.

However, the male version can be offered under specialist advice. This means that women usually always have to see a consultant (NHS or otherwise) and it's prescribed 'off-label'. It's about £80 for a tube that lasts a long time. Some GPs may take over repeat prescriptions if advised by the consultant.

It's not useful for a man who has never experienced a female orgasm to tell women it's ok as his wife isn't bothered. He is using one women he knows to tell women what women feel.

If I said my partner (male) will help me out if he climaxes first so we both feel satisfied, that is still me talking from my own experience. I am not saying all men understand that they can help women out after and that men can learn that sex can be patient, nor that if they are patient women can have multiple orgasms... because clearly there are men who don't know this, like Nick.

@SweetNcrunchy

Are you all saying that you require an orgasm EVERY TIME you have sex???? I certainly don't and ive got a pretty high sex drive.

A lot of the sex i have with DH is about love, intimacy and comfort, a connection. Its not always about saucy, spicy sex, but often is. We also have really spontaneous quick ones as well and there's no chance of orgasm in that. But i am always satisfied after whether physically or mentally. I am also post menopause.

Stop giving @Anothernick such a hard time. It is always useful to hear a male point of view and he was only talking about his wife, not women in general.

I think this is a key difference between men and women. I don’t think any man would be okay having sex where there wasn’t an orgasm.

@SweetNcrunchy

Are you all saying that you require an orgasm EVERY TIME you have sex???? I certainly don't and ive got a pretty high sex drive.

A lot of the sex i have with DH is about love, intimacy and comfort, a connection. Its not always about saucy, spicy sex, but often is. We also have really spontaneous quick ones as well and there's no chance of orgasm in that. But i am always satisfied after whether physically or mentally. I am also post menopause.

Stop giving @Anothernick such a hard time. It is always useful to hear a male point of view and he was only talking about his wife, not women in general.

Would your partner be fine with not having orgasms on a regular basis? Does sex with him often include just getting you off, and him going without an orgasm?

You can't tell people to stop having an opinion on other pp's posts; it's what you're doing!

@Anothernick

Don't assume she sees it in the same way as you. To us men the of satisfying sex without an orgasm is a contradiction in terms. But women don't necessarily see it that way, my DW orgasms perhaps 40-50% of the time but often pronounces herself satisfied without one. I wondered at first if she was just saying that to make me feel good but over the years (we are early 60s) I have come to the view that she is genuine and does not see an orgasm as essential every time we DTD.

She orgasms WITH YOU 40-50% of the time.

She 'pronounces herself satisfied' because she'd rather sort herself out properly.

@SweetNcrunchy

Are you all saying that you require an orgasm EVERY TIME you have sex???? I certainly don't and ive got a pretty high sex drive.

A lot of the sex i have with DH is about love, intimacy and comfort, a connection. Its not always about saucy, spicy sex, but often is. We also have really spontaneous quick ones as well and there's no chance of orgasm in that. But i am always satisfied after whether physically or mentally. I am also post menopause.

Stop giving @Anothernick such a hard time. It is always useful to hear a male point of view and he was only talking about his wife, not women in general.

Is your husband also fine with the fact that he generally doesn't have an orgasm when you have sex?

@SweetNcrunchy

Are you all saying that you require an orgasm EVERY TIME you have sex???? I certainly don't and ive got a pretty high sex drive.

A lot of the sex i have with DH is about love, intimacy and comfort, a connection. Its not always about saucy, spicy sex, but often is. We also have really spontaneous quick ones as well and there's no chance of orgasm in that. But i am always satisfied after whether physically or mentally. I am also post menopause.

Stop giving @Anothernick such a hard time. It is always useful to hear a male point of view and he was only talking about his wife, not women in general.

Um. Yes. OF COURSE! I find your distinction between "saucy, spicy" sex where you get off and "emotional" sex where he gets off but you don't... not to mention quickies, where he gets off but you don't - really weird.

Some of my sex is "emotional" and some of it is "saucy and spicy" but all of it involves me orgasming at LEAST once. Even a quickie is not over until both parties come. Any sex should be giving you sexual pleasure, and what kind of partner would turn you on and then walk away without leaving you satisfied?