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Original poster

I'm always forgiving DH and I'm started to get tired

33 replies

Alwaysforgiving · 16/02/2022 00:35

I'll start by saying I'm not perfect and that my DH 99% is a good husband and father, but I'm always forgiving him for what some people would call minor and what other could call major. I've forgiven him for sexting someone, using my credit card behind my back, a bit of a drinking problem, and the latest repeatedly lying to me about not having a personal loan. Some are more recent than others and he does show to improve and never go back to whatever he said he'll stop doing, but I'm always wondering, so what's going to be next? He doesn't owe a lot of money so that's not the problem is the lying to my face when he actually knew I could access to his credit report (which he now knows about and said I have nothing to be apologise for).

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 16/02/2022 00:40

Oh lord I clicked on this thinking about my husband who didn’t let the dog out in time and she shat on the floor.
What yours is doing is so much worse, he’s a liar and these are just the things you’ve found out about. I couldn’t stay with someone so untrustworthy!

Branleuse · 16/02/2022 00:40

Hes completely untrustworthy. Sexually, financially, and he will lie to you with a straight face. Thats how id see that. Sounds like youve given him plenty of chances already

TracyMosby · 16/02/2022 00:41

Liars lie, op. They cannot help themselves.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2022 00:44

I've forgiven him for sexting someone, using my credit card behind my back, a bit of a drinking problem, and the latest repeatedly lying to me about not having a personal loan.

Minor things? All of those are deal breakers. Why are you standards so low? Your husband is a chronic liar with zero respect for you.

cheekychaplin · 16/02/2022 00:47

I'm always wondering, so what's going to be next?

Why do you choose to live like this Sad

IrishMama2015 · 16/02/2022 01:16

OP to me all of those are individually major things. All together, to me, they are relationship ending. I'm sure those choices he has made have taken up more than 1% of his time so please know he is NOT being a good husband or dad 99% of the time when engaging in risky behaviour and lying about it and gaslighting you

TheCatterall · 16/02/2022 01:20

He’s hardly going to change when there are no repercussions for his behaviour. Cause and effect.

He’s not a good husband though is he. Abusing your trust and behaving in a way that could cause the family issues (financially). Sexting / emotional affair etc.

Please explain to us how that behaviour still makes him a good husband/father.

And that’s just the stuff you know about.

You want another 40+ years of this? What’s your hard limit. At what point do you say ‘leave’. You. Cannot. Trust. Him.

user1481840227 · 16/02/2022 02:10

The very basis for a strong healthy relationship is trust and he's shown you that you can't trust him in several different ways now.

How do you know that there isn't more secrets but you just haven't found out about them?

Original poster
Alwaysforgiving · 16/02/2022 03:17

That's the problem I don't know if there are any more secrets. Sure, the lying is the issue rather than what the lie is about. I'm just going to end being a cynical person around him

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 16/02/2022 03:29

You can't trust a liar.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/02/2022 03:49

He is cheating on you; sexually, financially and emotionally. But you're wondering what's wrong with YOU?

Wake up.

Please talk to friends/family and get the hell out. And do not ever get pregnant with this loser.

TigerLilyTail · 16/02/2022 03:56

@Alwaysforgiving

That's the problem I don't know if there are any more secrets. Sure, the lying is the issue rather than what the lie is about. I'm just going to end being a cynical person around him
You're going to end up cynical around him!?

Oh, dear!

It's hard to have a relationship with someone you can't trust and you can't trust him.

tkwal · 16/02/2022 04:19

No one EVER has a bit of a drinking problem. What you see him consume is probably less than half of what he actually drinks. The lying about everything is a habit he's not about to give up. He's OK with you having accessed his credit report..and generously says you have nothing to be sorry for ? He's right, you don't because in credit reports what's his is yours, literally...they are judged by address not by individual. You will never be able to trust him. I think you know what you need to do already, I hope you find the courage you need because he is grinding you down

GreyGoose1980 · 16/02/2022 04:25

OP he’s really not ‘99% a good husband a father’!

Antsgomarching · 16/02/2022 06:31

Any one of those things in isolation would possibly be a dealbreaker for me. He lies, I dated someone who lied a lot I eventually felt like i was going mad. Seriously this won’t improve, in 20 years do you want to be having to have the same conversations?

gonnascreamsoon · 16/02/2022 07:04

You're only just STARTING to 'feel tired' ?? Hmm

Jesus himself would have been hard pushed to forgive this man !

You cannot trust him with anything ffs !

ANameChangeAgain · 16/02/2022 07:19

You know what you need to do @Alwaysforgiving, cut him loose. At the back of your mind you already know this, which is why you are posting. The responses you will unanimously get here will hopefully give you the strength to show him the door.

Merlott · 16/02/2022 07:26

99% good?

Good partners don't do the things your partner has done.

Goodness me the problem here is not you getting tired of forgiving him!

What did you want to get out of posting here OP?

GeneLovesJezebel · 16/02/2022 07:27

He is a liar and a cheat.
The thing is that he knows he can get away with it, so he will continue. And this life will continue for you.

CrumpetStrumpet · 16/02/2022 07:40

Then stop forgiving him and get rid.

He's a liar and a cheat. Just one of those things alone would be a deal breaker for me. All together and his arse wouldn't touch the floor.

He is not a good husband or father. He is a liar and a cheat. He will never change and your life won't either if you stay with him.

GreyCarpet · 16/02/2022 07:45

Well I'd have dumped for any one of those things. Except maybe the personal.loan depending on the circumstances. But the fact he lied to me would be a deal breaker above all others.

What would it take for you to end it with him if none of those things were enough?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 16/02/2022 07:52

The two financial issues will most likely be related to his drink problem. I'd also be wondering about possible coke use. Does he go out without you often?

Addicts will tell any lie necessary to feed their addiction. I speak as a recovering alcoholic myself.

Original poster
Alwaysforgiving · 16/02/2022 07:57

He doesn't go out at all. He goes to work and then comes straight back home and at home we're always together. He claims his debt comes from.buying himself lunch and buying birthday presents. His overdraft varies, but he's always in it.

OP posts:
2DogsOnMySofa · 16/02/2022 08:16

He has a large capacity for deceit, I'm not surprised you're constantly walking on egg shells as you never really know if what he's telling you is the truth.

Has he proven to you that his debt is minor purchases? Has he proven to you that he's at work on the days he says he is, can he prove he's not spending money on cam girls or gambling. No of course he hasn't, because he's very VERY comfortable only telling, and admitting to you what YOU can prove.

It's no way to live op. He's unlikely to change as you've proved to him you'll stay with him when he does it. All he has to do is apologise and then change his behaviour for a short while.

comfortablyfrumpy · 16/02/2022 08:23

I lost trust in my ex, it was horrible. I wouldn't live like that again.

If you can't trust him, I would seriously be considering my options .