The corrected version!!! ...
We never even thought to lock our devices with passwords. There was total trust.
Then one evening, after a new mutual acquaintance had come into out life through work, a woman who had had multiple affairs on her DH, an odd text message appeared in my DP's phone (in preview - phones not only weren't locked, but all messages flashed up on the screen as they arrived).
I saw it as his phone was on the kitchen island and we often, if a message or call came in, looked at it and gave the phone to the other.
I said this is a weird message from her. I don't think you should engage in private conversation with her. She's clearly got a thing for you.
Result? He put codes on all his devices. She shamed him - said he was 'entitled to his privacy'. The path was set. The unquestioning trust between us was demolished bit by bit, with calculated, triumphant lies and manipulation. It was like a fresh field of snow for that female sociopath. Fun beyond her wildest dreams.
He had a breakdown. Turned on his own family. Turned to (posh, 'recreational') drugs (encouraged/introduced by her). Had psychotic episodes. His mental state was an expression of his inability to cope with the deception and fracturing of his family base. He falsely imprisoned and threatened our lives. We were 'saved' by her on FaceTime saying 'don't kill them, baby, or how will we see each other if you go to prison?'.
The trauma for us was indescribable. The exit route long and deeply damaging, and has involved the effective demolition of my life and self. The repercussions wide through our families, mine in particular. He is now left in tatters, a broken liability in OCD playing on a loop of chronic, paranoid jealousy over me. Over the loss of me. Our home. Our little family. And I can't even speak of the impact on our child.
She, naturally, neatly side-stepped into a charmed post-divorce life with generous settlements, lunching out on the next instalment of her outrageous adventures with the foreign builder.
Do I think it's ok to have devices locked and material on a phone that would ruin our lives if my partner read it?
No.
I think that if you need to lock it, there's something very wrong.
You shouldn't mind if they look. You should protect their emotional stability and deserve their trust, and they yours.
What we had was how it should be. There was no snooping, or invasion of privacy, because we were happy to show each other everything of ourselves.
Some people don't get that.