Interesting mirroring behaviour..

[tuesdayisthebestday]

I've been with BF for 8 months. Lovely, lovely man who I'm very much in love with. We've taken it steady. Both late 30s with a child each. He is a man of few words, not brilliant at communicating feelings and has been through a lot in a previous relationship. We haven't said I love you yet - he knows I am feeling that way and I very strongly suspect he is too in his actions etc. all good.

I've noticed something curious though - he uses my words back at me sometimes! If I say 'you make me feel like I've won the lottery' he'll say ' you make me feel like I've won the lottery too' (not an actual quote, obviously 😂)

I sign off cards to him in a particular way, first one exchanged was Christmas and since then I've noted he has done it on my Christmas present and my valentines card!

It is something I've not come across, it feels slightly strange! Sweet but strange!

Calling this abusive behaviour is bonkers 🤣

It's definitely been an interesting thread from my point of view, clarified perfectly that MN can provide a huge amount of variation on opinions!!

Me oh struggles with talking about feelings/showing affection. Looking back he did a lot of mirroring in the early days. We are ok, been together 15 years now but I do at times struggle with his inability to show he cares ie compliments/words of affection he no longer mirrors he just stopped doing it!

My first thought was, is he autistic?

My 6 year old autistic son mirrors people, he isn't abusive

He also stuggles with his emotions but is learning through mirroring people.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

He is making you think that you owe him for all the nice things he is doing for you. Its a very insidious form of abuse.

Bloody hell that's quite a gigantic reach! The biggest one I've ever seen on MN so far I think! 😂

@BlondeWidow I might print it off and frame it.

[quote tuesdayisthebestday]@BlondeWidow I might print it off and frame it. [/quote]
😆📝🖼

I don’t under what this thread is for.

I don’t know the answer OP but I have a colleague who does the same thing! If I write an email to him I often get a reply with the exact same phrases back.

Then I'm ever so sorry you felt the need to comment on it @NowEvenBetter. If there can be pages of 'Mornington crescent' on MN then I reserve the right to post about a very minor point too out of interest as what other people think!

Cool story.

Christ I didn’t realize I was abusive 😱😂

I’m not great at verbally expressing how I feel or writing feelings either. It makes me cringe and I feel so uncomfortable, but I’m pretty good at showing it in that I’m affectionate and supportive etc.
With regard to the mirroring thing, I think I do this a bit. Because the verbal or written expression of feelings is so outside my comfort zone I’d rather not do it. My partner is very demonstrative in a verbal sense ( and physical) so I do regurgitate what he says, especially when writing cards etc. not in a deliberate way but just to get it done satisfactorily as I know it’s something that’s important to him but I could easily live without, if that makes any sense. What’s important to one isn’t to another.

Ah yes @babytum that makes perfect sense! I am an affectionate person and he sounds very like you, so I suspect that is very similar. While I physically am quite touchy feely- I'll randomly touch his shoulder when I pass him or give him a quick hug - he isn't. Apart from in bed where he is cuddly when he falls asleep!
That's the beauty of people though isn't it, we are all so different. We just show things in differing ways!