Not fittting in, feeling lonely and snobbish

[Crunchy]

I used to work for the NHS in a small office with around 6 other people. It was a quiet workplace, busy but relaxed and we would have a quiet laugh but get on with our work at the same time and I loved it. We would get together usually once a month for a nightout and it was perfect.

Then I got laid off due to staffing reforms and I kind of lost touch with them all after a while, we went out once or twice afterwards but it never felt the same.

I was out of work for around 6 months and I hated it, I needed to get another job instantly so I got one in a bakery factory. I now work with around 10 - 20 women who shout and ball at each other rather than talk. Conversation is always crude, full of swearing (I'm no prude but I mean proper ffing and blinding) ripping the mick out of each other and generally just being gobby. I hated it.

But I got invited on a "girls night out" so I went thinking I obviously just needed time to settle in. It was a HUGE mistake. The can't talk to each other, they shout and scream, every other work is "fuck this" and "fuck that", they're loud and in your face, half of them sound like blokes.

We went in one pub and they were shouting at a group of men who went from laughing AT us between themselves to shaking their heads and frowning at us. I was so embarrassed. The barmaid actually came across and asked "us" to calm it down .

It was just horrible, I wanted to go home and after a while they turned on me saying I was quiet and "needed a fellar" and then one of them shouted "she's probably a virgin" and they all screamed with laughter. Then another one said "no leave her b, she just needs warming up, she'll get used to us" and I was thinking I'd never get used to them and it made me realise how unhappy I was in my new job.

I hate it, I dislike them, they're all common as muck and I've never felt so ashamed in public. The kind of men that normally come up and talk to me were shaking their heads and tutting at us as if we were all the same.

I know I'm going to get called a snob now, I just hope someone understands. I'm back at work tomorow and I'm dreading it

I think you should look for another job

Oh dear - I can understand your PoV entirely. What I would do honestly is keep myself to myself, be friendly but not overly so, and concentrate on finding yourself another job. Have you considered (or could you consider the NHS temping agency run by your LHA?) I know a fair few people who are permanent temps (hired back to their old jobs for more money )

Alternatively perhaps a local authority would suit you better.

It's not just you, I've worked with total philistines before and they drove me batty!

i dont think your snob-sounds like hell.can you look for another job.i think by going on night out it sounds like youve tried to fit in.

Crunchy - definitely get back to working for the NHS or another public sector organisation! Even via a temp agency - I think a lot of Strategic health authorities use specific temp agencies now, so you could phone your SHA and ask who they use. Then get down there and get on their books!

it sounds crap

crap for you any way

if you dont feel comfortable thenit will jsu t get worse

look for something else thats more you

hello, sounds to me that you are more suited to office work/ banter than factory work. Are there other offices in your neighbourhood where you could get admin type work? or perhaps a school, local hospital? Don't let this put you off. Go in tomorrow, smile at everyone and say what fun you had on night out, then register with other job agencies, look out for other work in job center/ local papers - I'm sure with NHS office experience you have transferable skills. Get a new job, hand in notice and leave. Good luck!

Sorry you're going through this- work does take up so much of our lives unfortunately.

FWIW- my friend worked in NHS where her colleagues called her a snob because...

she drank herbal tea! FFS.

I hope you find something better and more suited to you soon!

Sympathies. Agree with other posters who suggest looking fora different job: in the mean time remain friendly but don't go on any more nights out and work on building a social life that isn't based around workmates. And I don't think you are necessarily a snob to be aware that you are different from your workmates, with different tastes and interests as that can happen to anyone anywhere - someone whose idea of fun is male strippers and bingo would feel miserable in an office full of lentil weavers who wanted her to go on aromatherapy weekends with them, after all.

I would feel EXACTLY the same; I can't believe you refrained from buying a factory-floor dictionary for Christmas (I would have!)

I also think you need a new job - anything else has to be better than that?

Put it down to experience and find another job asap. It's not about snobbery - this situation is just wrong for you.

Sounds like a nightmare, you spend so much time with the people that you work with you either need to get along or work somewhere there are a lot more of you.

I'm sure they are perfectly reasonable girls, just a bit drink fuelled and lairy, not my idea of a great night out although it would have been at one time!!!!

I think you were probably unhappy in the job due to you spending so long in a office environment anyway and this had just confirmed that, you should find another job but I wouldn't blame the girls, my best friend of 12 years is as common as muck (seems to be getting commoner by the day)and calls me mrs bouquet but she is still a good person. She is embarrassing though!

you spend so much time at work, it's really important that you're happy. i think you should start looking for different work.

If you're a snob then so am I. I hate the sort of braying harpies you describe - even when they're not f-ing and blinding.

Phatmouse don't be slinging my name across t'internet, ta!

PS I am very common, Crunchy, but there is a difference between 'common' and 'common and thick' and I think your colleagues are the latter, which I find unbearable. Stupidity is easier to deal with if the bearer of it has had extensive social training on when to shut the hell up.

Find another job. I would hate it soooooo much. I dislike this type of person too.

Colditz - tell me you're not the 'friend of 12 years' that Phatmouse is on about!

Oh God, yes... colditz is right. Absolutely no problem with 'common' people - some of the funniest and kindest people I know are definitely 'common' - but they wouldn't embarrass you in public!

You don't sound like a snob, just someone who feels like a fish out of water. These people would make me cringe too. Is there not one who seems more reasonable than the rest, who you could be friendly to?

You're harking back to your 'perfect' job, but you need to concentrate on finding something else - it won't be the same as your old job, but it might be as good in a different way.

Keep your head up, and good luck!

no I am just joking.

But I am hideously (and probably distressingly to some) common.

I drink PGTips with milk and 2 sugars - my dad calls it excon tea

I have a formica drop leaf table.

I don't own teacups.

I have laminate flooring, and I chose it.

[proud]

i am common and not averse to saying fuck quite freqently

but i am not classless ill educated or cavemanesq.

one can be common and a right good fucking laugh without getting yer tits out so to speak if you get my drift

You're not a snob at all. I'm just sorry its such a crud experience. I've worked in what sounds like an almost identical environment complete with its fair quota of rather brash women and I did not fit in. However, I wasn't alone and found a few like minded souls.
I guess the best thing is to look for another job. In the meantime just be thankful you're not like the others and be proud of being yourself and different

Good luck with finding another job. It's horrible to work with people who are so different from you that it makes you feel there is no common ground between you.

I don't think anyone could accuse you of snobbery.

This is making me think of an occasion a few years ago. A group of us used to attend an aerobics class - a good mix of people from different backgrounds. We occasionally went out socially - Christmas meal, maybe, or once even to a disco. Then we had planned an evening out to a local restaurant and one of the group, who was herself one of the louder, 'brasher' ones, told us that she had a friend who had just split up with her husband, needed cheering up, etc, and would we mind if she brought her along? Well of course, you couldn't say no to someone feeling down who'd appreciate the company of fellow females, could you?

The evening duly arrived, and we all met up at the restaurant... or at least most of us did. We had to wait nearly an hour for brash woman and friend to turn up. When they eventually arrived they were already a bit the worse for wear and made no apology for being so late. It turned out that 'friend' was a smoker, who was one of those who blew great mouthfuls of smoke straight out at everyone - again... didn't ask if anyone minded her smoking.

As the evening wore on and increasing amounts of alcohol were consumed, the braying laughter got louder... they sounded like donkeys one minute and hyenas the next.

Heads were turning by now... our table was clearly an irritation to most of the other people in the restaurant.

The final straw was towards the end of the meal when the alcohol and food shovelled down so greedily started to brew...

...we were then treated to theatrically loud belches...

...which of course induced more hysterical laughter.

Most of the other diners were looking at us as though we were dirt by this time.

I sometimes wonder what was going through the heads of those two ignorant women. Did it occur to them for one moment that a rrestaurant full of people - let alone those of us who they might view as friends - was despising them?

"... would feel miserable in an office full of lentil weavers who wanted her to go on aromatherapy weekends with them, after all."

"How does one weave beans?"