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Original poster

Valentines Day

43 replies

PleaseHelp21 · 14/02/2022 18:10

Hi, my girlfriend really makes a big deal about Valentines day whereas I'm not really fussed about it at all. We've discussed it previously but she has told me that she expects to be brought out to dinner and get a card and flowers for valentines day. We went for dinner last night and I paid for the meal(£90) and she paid the tip (£15). I've been really busy at work today but have been rushing around trying to get a card and flowers organised as well. I'm actually a bit depressed over it as I feel my girlfriend doesn't really take my opinion into account and we have to do Valentines day her way every year without any compromise. I don't mind doing something every year like the dinner part but the rest of it seems like a bit much to me but I have no choice to go along with it every year or else there will be a row. I'm mid 40s and my girlfriend is in jet late 30s and we are together 3 years. What do people think, am I unreasonable to expect some sort of compromise?

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 14/02/2022 18:14

Do you buy her flowers on other occasions?

phizog · 14/02/2022 18:19

Is it really this hard to get a card and flowers organised??? It's an incredibly basic gesture for Valentines day, and I'm not sure what your issue with it is. Is it the cost? Or finding the time to do it (you can order them online)? Or the principle? If it is something that makes her happy, and is low cost/low effort, you need to have a good reason WHY you don't want to do it to have that conversation with her. But unless you're struggling financially, it comes across as petty to kick off about buying a card and flowers on Valentines Day.

RoyKentsChestHair · 14/02/2022 18:21

Depends if you want to make her happy or not. Rushing around on the day organising a card and flowers, that’s on you. You could have bought a card weeks ago and ordered flowers at any point, but for the sake of popping to any given supermarket and spending £10 to make the woman you love feel cherished and special I can’t see what you’re so upset about. The £90 meal would be a bigger deal to me.

For all his faults my ex always made a fuss of me on special occasions and also bought random flowers, cakes, sweets etc at other times too. It’s those things that let someone know that you value them enough to spend 20 mins a couple of quid to make them smile. I would do the same for him of course, but if you’re not fussed then have a talk about the ways she makes you feel loved and cherished. Maybe she rubs your back or makes your favourite dinner, tells you how lucky she feels to have you etc - whatever it is, she’s made it clear that this is important to her, so you can either step up, or continue to feel annoyed by it and tell her - in word and deed - that it doesn’t matter to you that she wants this, you don’t, and therefore it won’t happen. What do you imagine will come of that?

UsernameInTheTown · 14/02/2022 18:24

If you can't even be arsed buying her a card and flowers and have no wish to make her happy by doing this for her, then do her a favour and end the relationship. Her expectations are hardly unreasonable.

miltonj · 14/02/2022 18:31

It's important to her and makes her happy and she's your girlfriend so why wouldn't you? It's really not difficult.

Ginger1982 · 14/02/2022 18:37

The cards are in the shops weeks beforehand so there's not really any excuse for that, especially when we have Moonpig and Amazon too.

simplelife100 · 14/02/2022 18:45

You have plenty of ways now days to organise flowers and cards to be delivered, me personally I'm not fussed about valentines days

GreyCarpet · 14/02/2022 18:49

It's hard to disagree with anything anyone has said but I have no interest in valentine's day either and it's actually a bit of a pain to organise flowers and the time to go to a shop (when it wouldn't normally fit into your day/week) for a card.

I wouldn't want someone spending £90 on meal and then doing that as well. That feels like a lot to me like a formulaic tick list without any compromise or imagination.

I just can't imagine expecting to be taken out for an expensive meal and bought flowers. Just seems a lot and without any consideration for the OP.

Suprima · 14/02/2022 18:49

@PleaseHelp21

Hi, my girlfriend really makes a big deal about Valentines day whereas I'm not really fussed about it at all. We've discussed it previously but she has told me that she expects to be brought out to dinner and get a card and flowers for valentines day. We went for dinner last night and I paid for the meal(£90) and she paid the tip (£15). I've been really busy at work today but have been rushing around trying to get a card and flowers organised as well. I'm actually a bit depressed over it as I feel my girlfriend doesn't really take my opinion into account and we have to do Valentines day her way every year without any compromise. I don't mind doing something every year like the dinner part but the rest of it seems like a bit much to me but I have no choice to go along with it every year or else there will be a row. I'm mid 40s and my girlfriend is in jet late 30s and we are together 3 years. What do people think, am I unreasonable to expect some sort of compromise?
If you find organising a dinner and some flowers stressful- I seriously don’t understand how you can hold down a job or function in society.

Taking v-day out of the equation…if this one day is so much effort and stress, how on earth do you plan dates or play an active role in ensuring the way your girlfriend is happy, and the relationship is not one sided in her organising everything coupley for you?

Did you want us to tell you what a materialistic spoilt princess your girlfriend is?

Not happening mate

CrumpetStrumpet · 14/02/2022 18:53

Do you love your girlfriend? Do you care about making her happy?

Asking for a card, some flowers and a meal out for Valentines is pretty basic stuff. She's hardly asking for the world on a plate. Why didn't you organise the flowers and card earlier? Everything can be done online now, there's really no excuse. Also why is she paying the tip when you're supposed to be taking her out and treating her?

She shouldn't have to compromise on Valentines day. You should want to make her feel special. You sound mean and begrudging. It's not a good look.

CrumpetStrumpet · 14/02/2022 18:57

@GreyCarpet it take five minutes to order a bunch of flowers online for deliveryConfused

Why shouldn't she want a meal and flowers for Valentines day? I'm betting like most women she's already bringing more value to the relationship. Why shouldn't she want her contribution acknowledged? She's not asking for a trip to Paris via private jet! £90 is a perfectly normal amount to spend in a decent restaurant for 2 people if alcohol is Included. It's hardly wildly extravagant!

PlumPudding03 · 14/02/2022 19:01

Oh come it’s only one day out of the year. You know it’s coming so why can’t you make an effort. It really bugs me when people do everything last minute when the shops are full at least a month in advance. She’s your girlfriend after all surely she’s worth it.

WouldYouHaveAproblem · 14/02/2022 19:05

I'm going to go against the grain here and agree with the OP. Valentine's day is lovely for couples who both buy into the idea - if you don't both believe it's important than one person is feeling pressured into the commercial schmaltz of it. If you're showing you love her in other ways every other day of the year (ie she feels loved) then you should both compromise on the details of Valentine's day.

Original poster
Pleasehelp21 · 14/02/2022 19:05

I think a lot of people are missing the point.. I dont actually mind doing something for Valentines but I've been told exactly what to do and have no say in what we do on the day and if I don't do exactly what she told me she expects I'll get the head torn off me. Maybe I'm really out of touch but I thought in a relationship both proples opinions mattered whereas the general responses there are quite dismissive of that and basically imply I'm disorganised and mean.

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 14/02/2022 19:07

Name change op?

Original poster
Pleasehelp21 · 14/02/2022 19:07

I guess I'm just out of touch. Thanks for the advice all

OP posts:
trackerby · 14/02/2022 19:08

So all this effort is making you depressed? How strange, is it the cost?

Pumpkintopf · 14/02/2022 19:08

Weirdly your posts aren't showing up as blue now even though username is the same.

Anyway, I don't think what she's asking for is unreasonable.

trackerby · 14/02/2022 19:21

It's the H, was upper, now lower case. Anyway there are several threads by OP under various nn's, it's pretty obvious he's not happy, due to mismatched expectations, and needs to move on.

phizog · 14/02/2022 19:40

@Pleasehelp21

I think a lot of people are missing the point.. I dont actually mind doing something for Valentines but I've been told exactly what to do and have no say in what we do on the day and if I don't do exactly what she told me she expects I'll get the head torn off me. Maybe I'm really out of touch but I thought in a relationship both proples opinions mattered whereas the general responses there are quite dismissive of that and basically imply I'm disorganised and mean.
Well, have you suggested doing something else instead? What exactly? Do you care about Valentines day and have preferences, or does it matter a lot more to her? Compromise is only relevant when you both want something equally or both have equally strong opinions on it.

How often in a year do you treat her/spoil her with romance? Unless you do this fairly regularly in a way that matters to her, you don't really get to cop out of being romantic on the one day she wants it.

Kabakofte · 14/02/2022 19:50

She sounds spoilt and entitled. Valentines Day is overpriced and it shouldn't be this stressy. An expensive meal should suffice, what does she do for you??

Kabakofte · 14/02/2022 19:53

In fact an expensive meal is more than adequate. I asked for a bunch of daffodils! £1 all in!

twominutesmore · 14/02/2022 20:09

I think she sounds rather entitled op. Does she get you a card and a gift too? I don't see why she can't organise dinner or at least take your opinion into account. And you certainly shouldn't be worried that she'll 'tear your head off.'

pinkfondu · 14/02/2022 20:17

@PleaseHelp21

Hi, my girlfriend really makes a big deal about Valentines day whereas I'm not really fussed about it at all. We've discussed it previously but she has told me that she expects to be brought out to dinner and get a card and flowers for valentines day. We went for dinner last night and I paid for the meal(£90) and she paid the tip (£15). I've been really busy at work today but have been rushing around trying to get a card and flowers organised as well. I'm actually a bit depressed over it as I feel my girlfriend doesn't really take my opinion into account and we have to do Valentines day her way every year without any compromise. I don't mind doing something every year like the dinner part but the rest of it seems like a bit much to me but I have no choice to go along with it every year or else there will be a row. I'm mid 40s and my girlfriend is in jet late 30s and we are together 3 years. What do people think, am I unreasonable to expect some sort of compromise?
Are you saying she never does anything for you that she would not choose to do?
CheesusWept · 14/02/2022 20:44

What does she get you for Valentine’s Day?

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