Save my marriage!

[sikhgirl16]

Hello, I'm looking for help to save my marriage. DH is having an emotional affair (which he denies) with an Eastern European girl (25) who he has never met but works with.
They have been messaging / calling / texting each other for over a year now, both deny being in touch (i have called her a few times) but they don't stop the contact. He has told her he loves her and she has said she feels the same too. I think DH is going through a midlife crisis. He has stopped talking to me and sleeps in the spare room.
I want to fight for the marriage and take him back from her. I can't see that she is really in love with him, he is 55. I think she is after money or she is looking into a way to live in the UK. DH is besotted with her and i cant get him to speak about it.
DH tells me that he feels we have grown apart and will eventually divorce. I want to fight for my marriage, i have invested 25 years in this and i dont want to just give it up. We have a DD18 who lives at home with us.
What can i do? How can i get him or her to stop - is it possible?
Any help would be very much appreciated - Thank you!

Hi OP I don’t want to jump to conclusions but with your username and possible age I’m wondering if you have hold some idea dude to cultural conditioning (I’m not Sikh but south Asian too) that make us effectively take more shit from men because of the way we think we need them or culture is telling us. I just want to tell you it really is your husband’s fault and not this ‘girl’ who he has probably taken advantage of anyway. If he says you’ve grown apart, I really would believe him and move on. If you’re worried about finances then you get take him to court esp as he is the one walking out but please don’t blame her, that’s internalised misogyny where the man gets off scot free, I’m sorry if I’m generalising or jumping to conclusions but I find your views that of older women from my culture who will most likely tell a woman in your situation to ‘take the black magic’ off the man to make him see sense etc. I’m sorry if I’m wrong but just find it strange how you’re not holding him to account.

I have just read you think she’s after his money, even so the buck stops with him. He’s the one who is married and should know better. If you leave him he may see sense and come back but why would you want him. It could also end in disaster and he could end up in some serious trouble but you really need to look after yourself and protect your finances as pp has mentioned. Ask yourself, if it was you who was having an affair, would he be behaving like you? And as for your daughter I’m sure you don’t want her thinking it’s okay for men to cheat or may be you do, like I said I don’t want to make assumptions.

And you say you’ve both been happy for years but how do you know he’s been faithful, or just been playing happy families how can you be so sure

I think you need to see the situation for what it is.
He has betrayed you and broken his marriage vows. He has chosen to do this.

Your anger should be towards him not the OW. She’s not betraying anybody.

Trying to hold onto the good times and memories will only stop you from moving on and getting him out of your life. This is no longer the person you married.
He does not have your interests at heart.

Get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. The stress of going through that might even put him off OW but you’d be a fool to take him back.

Keep an eye on any joint bank account and really the quicker you see a lawyer the better.
He may have started hiding money away already. (for his future with OW)

Look after you and DD.That’s your priority now.