Think my stbxh has installed a phone tracker on my phone

[Alexandradream]

I’m in the process of divorcing a very controlling man, and we just communicate via WhatsApp or occasionally emails. When I say communicate I mean just information re our children. During our marriage, he would have regularly checked my phone, emails and this only came to light after the fact.

Recently he’s said a few (minor) things to the children that he definitely shouldn’t know, just things like times I’ve been out or plans I may have made. We live in a reasonably small city so initially I assumed I’d been seen by one of his friends/family but my gut is telling me there’s a possibility of him ‘hacking’ my phone. I’ve checked all my app and there’s nothing on my phone that I’m not aware of. While I’m not doing anything illegal or anything I’m ashamed of, I am now paranoid he’s got access to my phone.

I’ve Googled and apparently there are apps he can download to secretly track my phone, some of them just tell him when I’m online eg on WhatsApp and others claim to be able to allow him actually read my sent texts, I may be naive but honestly had never heard of this kind of tracking. I’ve heard of tracking apps aimed at children but the other party has to ‘accept’ and be aware they are being tracked.

Does anyone know anything about these apps? Are they genuine or a scam? If he has me tracked, is there anyway I’d know? As I say, I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t but the thought of him reading my texts fills me with dread. He’s a man that thrives on having the upper hand and I know in his warped mind this would be seen as a win for him…. God bless him if he get off on the shite I usually text my girlfriends!

Is their any unknowns you don't recognise in the battery usage in your settings?

Do you have Snapchat OP?

I have a tracker in my car... that I had put in case it's get stolen, it's attached to the battery in a very covert way.

They took off the dash board to put it in!

To see if he is tracking you that way?

A factory reset will fix it if there is a spy programme installed.

Go to your settings, list of apps and look for something along the lines of "Google play services" - might not be those exact words but the one I know about masks itself as a google services app. It will say it was installed via APK or something, can't remember the exact thing but it won't have been downloaded via the play store/app store. To install that one he would have needed access to you phone for a couple of mins to install it.

Having been on the receiving end of this I felt that the hardest bit was getting over the doubt.
So I started again with a new digital profile. New Facebook, Instagram, twitter, Snapchat, phone number. Even the cloud where things are bring backed up to could be the weak point. Then I just gave my old phone and passwords to the solicitor, it became part of the bargaining process when he became shitty.

Thanks for all your messages, even though I’ve no proof, I know something is up. I’ve decided to not only restore my phone to factory settings but I’m going to get a new phone with all new apps and make new accounts with new passwords, I’m very tempted to ask him just to use email for contact, either that or I’ll get a cheap phone and give him that number for contact. It will mean I think I’ll have to ask my kids to not give him my number.

On the upside, I’ve a car that looks like it’s come out of the showroom, nothing was found but honestly, if Aldi, Tesco and soccer training interest him it’s all he gets!

Thanks again for everything, when I walk out of court in October I’ll raise a glass to you all!

I'd get a new phone and number .

Change all your passwords - use a password keeper to use generated passwords by the tool

Two factor authentication on everything - ideally with an Authenticator app not a text

Also what about a device in the home / something sent home with the kids

You can check this by turning Bluetooth and WiFi on and looking what devices are in range - not foolproof

I'm sure there are specialists online who can also advise - lots of blogs on "stalkerware" as it's called

@northbacchus

Is their any unknowns you don't recognise in the battery usage in your settings?

Great idea!

One of the most common apps for this is MiSpy. You won't know it's on your system but yes he'll be able to see everything. He won't necessarily have needed access to the phone to install it.

Factory reset but do not use a back up after. And call the cyber helpline for advice.

MSpy, not MiSpy

I'm assuming you've eliminated the obvious possibilities of him having someone snoop on you/kids/relatives/friends sm and local gossip? Are your passwords easy to guess? Kids middle names, pet names that kinda thing?

Random password generators are better and I don't even totally trust them I'll change a character or 2

and am reasonably sure they are too complicated for him to guess…

If they're personal to you they're not!

I'm just wondering - not sure if this is a thing or not - but I know if you get nuisance calls/texts/messages the providers are usually happy to provide a new number etc but I am wondering if it may possibly be covered on your phone insurance if you have any?

Can't hurt to check I'd have thought at any rate (disclaimer - not even sure my own insurance covers this)

Be interesting to find out

How old are the dc? Are they old enough to understand how important it is to not even consider giving dad your new number or leave their own phones if they have them laying about around him?

@GreyPaw.. if you read my earlier post that was one of the apps my sister found out about I know nothing about it. And no, the new passwords were random letters, nothing to do with the usual, birthdays/kids names, to be honest it took me ages to remember them!! But all passwords are changed since I found out he had checked my phone during our marriage.

My kids are old enough to be asked not to give their dad my number however it may be awkward as they do love him, he a good dad and always was.

Getting a new number is an inconvenience but not a problem and certainly if he has one of those spying apps installed I think they’re linked to my number but not my phone but I’m open to correction.

It’s really strange to think that the man I knew for 30 years could do this.. he would have a very professional job, and would pride himself on his integrity… like someone said up thread, he would never admit it unless he was caught red handed. But this is a man that has pushed the divorce out using legal but frustrating delays and his barrister has indicated that he’s not taking advice from them regarding a fair and equitable settlement..

Good night and thank you all for your help

You may find some support here too
refugetechsafety.org/

The spying apps will be linked to your phone not your number. If you transfer the content of your phone into a new one, you will transfer the spy apps as well.

You need to tell the police surely - especially as it could escalate? Tell them your suspicions at least so they have it on record.