Think my stbxh has installed a phone tracker on my phone

[Alexandradream]

I’m in the process of divorcing a very controlling man, and we just communicate via WhatsApp or occasionally emails. When I say communicate I mean just information re our children. During our marriage, he would have regularly checked my phone, emails and this only came to light after the fact.

Recently he’s said a few (minor) things to the children that he definitely shouldn’t know, just things like times I’ve been out or plans I may have made. We live in a reasonably small city so initially I assumed I’d been seen by one of his friends/family but my gut is telling me there’s a possibility of him ‘hacking’ my phone. I’ve checked all my app and there’s nothing on my phone that I’m not aware of. While I’m not doing anything illegal or anything I’m ashamed of, I am now paranoid he’s got access to my phone.

I’ve Googled and apparently there are apps he can download to secretly track my phone, some of them just tell him when I’m online eg on WhatsApp and others claim to be able to allow him actually read my sent texts, I may be naive but honestly had never heard of this kind of tracking. I’ve heard of tracking apps aimed at children but the other party has to ‘accept’ and be aware they are being tracked.

Does anyone know anything about these apps? Are they genuine or a scam? If he has me tracked, is there anyway I’d know? As I say, I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t but the thought of him reading my texts fills me with dread. He’s a man that thrives on having the upper hand and I know in his warped mind this would be seen as a win for him…. God bless him if he get off on the shite I usually text my girlfriends!

It does sound like it’s WhatsApp, if it’s that don’t get a new phone and install WhatsApp unless you’ve changed your email and phone number and got a new Facebook- otherwise he’ll still have access

VPN will appear on the home-screen on both Android and iPhone if there is a connection between two devices such as a parental control software- however I’ve had a VPN on my phone and the VPN only flashed up on the screen the one time. I kept thinking “did I just see that?”

Again thank you, I am waiting to speak with my solicitor about this, she’s well versed in difficult men and is very aware of how controlling he is.

I’d hate to have to get a new number, 4 kids, 3 schools, all their activities and groups are in WhatsApp not to mention my own friends and work colleagues.. I’m pretty sure it’s from WhatsApp he’s getting his information.. I’ve gone back and can pin point the texts eg talking about a night out/where I ate etc, I don’t use email for chatting to my friends, it’s WhatsApp occasionally telegram .. definitely nothing in my bag or anywhere visible in my car.. I looked in all the likely places and found €25 for my trouble which was a nice bonus.. I’ll keep investigating.. my gut is rarely wrong.

Honestly I’d feel a bit stupid going into my local police station and telling them I think someone is reading my texts and knows what I’m eating..but I’ll wait and see what my solicitor advises.

Again thank you for your replies, it’s helping settle the huge knot in my stomach!

Whatsappp

Go to Settings.
Tap Chats > Chat Backup > End-to-end encrypted backup > Change Password.
Tap I forgot my password, then verify your identity with your biometrics or device PIN.
Create a new password for your backup.

@TheRealityCheque

If you think can access your messages, I would deliberately feed him some false information, for shits and giggles

Do NOT do this, it’s a terrible suggestion! Playing mind games with an abusive ex is potentially dangerous.

It’s good that you’ve pinpointed the potential source for his info. As others have said, change the password and keep an eye on things. Definitely report to the police if you suspect it of happening again.

On another site a little while ago someone had a partner admit to having an app on his phone that gave access to all info on her phone (I've attached screenshots of that post) so it is possible. He refused to tell her what app it was but obviously there is spyware available that can do this.

Make sure he’s not accessing your WhatsApp off a Pc. Set up all of the security options in WhatsApp, passcode etc and check there are no linked devices.

I'm in complete agreement with @DDIJ - you really need to speak to the police about this.

Horrendous fucking scumbag wanker, I have a similar vile bastard ex who did similar to me. This was part of a larger domestic abuse case and the police told me they could check my phone for me, but didn't take them up on it due to the time I would have been without a phone. I think I just got a new phone in the end anyway.

My ex hacked my WhatsApp. Have no idea how he did it. Like you I suspected through various things he said. So I messaged my
Mum saying
"I think I need to tell him about this massive lottery win" I mean it is in the millions"

He's greedy & materialistic & I knew he would have to ask me! Sure enough he did.
So and so told me you've had a lottery win. I'm telling the lawyers.... blah blah blah

That's when I knew 💯
New phone.
Still don't know how he did it.

The majority of the time, someone isn’t ‘hacking’ your devices, they’ve guessed your password, especially if it’s someone you know well who is likely to know the password structures you regularly use.

You should choose secure passwords which are a combination of letters, numbers and special characters. If you struggle to remember more complex passwords, using a mnemonic is helpful, like a line from a song but only one letter of each word, using numbers too and a couple of special characters.

So, ‘I wanna dance with somebody who loves me’ becomes 1Wdw5wL3?!

Get another phone to use for everyone else and keep that phone just for contacting him. Then leave that phone at home all the time.

@CecilyTheWake.. when we separated and I set up my own Apple ID etc I changed all passwords.. I also changed those on my gmail account and am reasonably sure they are too complicated for him to guess…

@singlemummanurse.. I reckon it’s something like this he’s using.. my sister has spent the morning online and there are a number of those apps available, some only give you when the person is online and some say they will allow you read texts etc… I’m very sure it’s my WhatsApp he has read. Apparently unless I get his phone and see the app icon there’s no way of telling.. does anyone know anything about them? Obviously I don’t want to google given I’m pretty sure he’s access to my phone!

My brother is in the car business and put my car up on the ramp and had a good look underneath and as a bonus got the apprentice to clean the inside with the instructions if he found anything, not to touch it ! As you can see, my siblings have no feelings for my ex!

My plan is to register my concerns with my local police station, restore my phone to factory settings and see if he mentions anything else to my children!

Honestly while nothing he does surprises me and I know it’s just an act of desperation from a man that has lost control over me, it still gives me a stress knot knowing my inane chats with my friends are being read.

Thank you all for your advice and support… it’s sometimes amazing that random strangers take time to help someone..

It's horrible isn't it, gets right inside your head to suspect something like this but not be able to prove it.
If your ex is anything like mine he'll never admit it either.

@CecilyTheWake

The majority of the time, someone isn’t ‘hacking’ your devices, they’ve guessed your password, especially if it’s someone you know well who is likely to know the password structures you regularly use.

You should choose secure passwords which are a combination of letters, numbers and special characters. If you struggle to remember more complex passwords, using a mnemonic is helpful, like a line from a song but only one letter of each word, using numbers too and a couple of special characters.

So, ‘I wanna dance with somebody who loves me’ becomes 1Wdw5wL3?!

You can't get into WhatsApp just with a password. It is tied to a single phone . To access the web version you gave to have access to the phone it's on. So yes, hacked in the instances of WhatsApp

@CoteDAzur

If you have an iPhone, turn off "Find My" under Privacy > Location Services.

^ This as a first step. Friend’s ex was tracking her via this. If it’s too expensive / complex to get a new phone go to a phone repairers. They’ll clean your phone for you and be able to tell you if there is anything hidden. Could he be tracking your dcs phones?

Unfortunately if its Android they can't guarantee finding/cleaning the app off due to how the operating system works. You need a new handset and Google account to be sure. Apple is a bit different

Ex DH did this to me. Police found it. Factory reset or new phone. 💐

You can't get into WhatsApp just with a password. It is tied to a single phone . To access the web version you gave to have access to the phone it's on. So yes, hacked in the instances of WhatsApp.

I did say ‘the majority of the time’ rather than ‘every single time’ and my post was intended as general help/info rather than specific to WhatsApp which was why I didn’t mention WhatsApp but thanks for nitpicking my post anyway.

@Alexandradream 👍🏻 Good luck!

You can use whatsapp on a PC but I thought it had to be connected to, and within the vicinity of, the phone? So it's not that. Unless he hides out in your garden.

If he has had access to your phone at any point he can get into what’s app on a pc, and scanning the QR code with your phone.

Then that pc and your what’s app are linked

There are ways he can track you like this and unfortunately the only way you can be sure it has stopped is my changing all your passwords and getting a new phone.

Also, you can check here

@FeckTheMagicDragon

Also, you can check here

I think with the new upgrade, they refer to it as linked devices.

But if the linked device isn't used in 14 days it unlinks.

I think this is a good feature they have introduced.

Did you have a look to see if any devices are linked OP. Up to 4 devices can be.