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Relationships

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Original poster

First date..

43 replies

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 19:02

Has anyone ever gotten on with someone so well over texts and calls, but when it comes to meeting, not so much.

Was talking to someone for 6 weeks, there was plans to meet but he kept cancelling or changing his mind. We got on great, we’d talk for hours on the phone and stayed up once till 4.30am just talking. We always had something to talk about.

We met up yesterday (Saturday) and it didn’t flow. I wasn’t comfortable and he said he didn’t feel a spark. I’m not gunna lie, I feel gutted. We got on so great until yesterday. /:

OP posts:

iwishu · 13/02/2022 19:09

Yes been on plenty of dates where I thought it would go well because the communication had gone well but on meeting, no spark at all. I try not leave it too long, a week of chatting is good for me but not much longer.

6 weeks, down to him cancelling, sounds like he'd muck you about anyway, see it as a blessing you don't have to put up with his flakiness.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 19:13

@iwishu thank you. Yeah, his flakiness was defo annoying and because we’d gotten on, I didn’t wanna let it go. /:

OP posts:

PicpoulDeMeNay · 13/02/2022 19:35

Loads. It’s why I always get a meet out the way quickly!

After 8 rubbish first dates in the last 3 months, Ive now possibly met a good one! 4 weeks in now, and so far so good.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 19:37

@PicpoulDeMeNay I wanted to get the meeting out the way pretty early on, but he kept putting it off and then it just ended up getting to this point. /:

OP posts:

Milomonster · 13/02/2022 21:13

Yes. Messaged for weeks before meeting. He was nothing like the warm and funny person he came across in messages; unusually devoid of emotion. We stayed in touch intermittently after the first date. I loved how he wrote, and I got a bit sucked in. Met again, and again I felt nothing for him. I should have trusted my instinct after the first meeting.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/02/2022 21:18

The putting off meeting would have annoyed me. That would have been enough for me to stop contact, no matter how amazing he sounded. He wasted your time and you waited. I would recommend you meet up quicker in future before you become emotionally invested in someone you've never met.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 21:33

@Justmuddlingalong I know, I didn’t wanna date or speak to other people as I thought I wouldn’t connect with them the way I did with him. /:

@Milomonster yup, I would find myself comparing people to how he spoke and would think “he didn’t speak like that” and the first date was just really formal and we didn’t talk like we had on texts and calls.

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 13/02/2022 21:35

Do you imagine he wasn't talking to others while he was keeping you dangling?

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 21:36

No, I don’t think he was. But I’ll never know.

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arethereanyleftatall · 13/02/2022 21:39

All the time. I meet pretty quickly now.

I don't mind though. If you're getting on really well on text then that's fun anyway whilst it lasts.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 21:41

@arethereanyleftatall I told him that we needed to meet asap as it was bound to fizzle out, and it did.

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bettertocryinamercedes · 13/02/2022 21:51

I wasn't in to my husband on our first date at all. Despite a couple of weeks of amazing chat and messaging. I was so sure he was the one...! We were all but planning our future before we even met which sounds very odd I know.

And when we met it was awkward and I didn't fancy him or feel any spark at all.

Despite this I went for a second date as I couldn't believe it had gone so wrong. Then a third date and a week later he asked me to marry him! (I said yes!)

Very very happy now. He's not my usual type at all but I'm so glad I tried again.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 21:57

@bettertocryinamercedes I’m so glad it worked out for you. And I’d love that for us, but I don’t think he would, and I don’t wanna embarrass myself by asking it. We were like you two, we were talking about living together, he was saying he wanted it quickly, talking about having children and what not, then it came to the date and it was just friendly. I know why I was so awkward and I feel so sad that I haven’t got a chance to be myself around him.

OP posts:

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 13/02/2022 21:58

He says he bases it in feelings and he said it wasn’t there. I dunno where to go from there..

OP posts:

Milomonster · 13/02/2022 22:15

Yes, very similar experience - he was very reserved and formal. There was absolutely no correspondence between how he came across over texts and in person. It was very odd and unnerving.

LittleWins · 13/02/2022 22:20

Yep! Amazing conversation via messaging but in person… the date was awful! Felt more like a job interview.

That’s why I think it’s mad to message for too long when OLD. You have to meet to really know.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/02/2022 22:26

Most of the blokes that I've met from OLD who I haven't had a 'spark' with, I'll be honest it's because of shallow reasons. Essentially it's been because they look nothing like (ie much worse) than their photos. I've learnt now - whatever they don't show on their profile, often teeth and bodies, there's a reason for it.

DatingDinosaur · 13/02/2022 22:45

” we were talking about living together, he was saying he wanted it quickly, talking about having children and what not,”

That, combined with the flaking on meeting up….HUUGE Red Flags there for me! Future Faker Alert.

I think you’ve dodged a bullet personally OP.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 14/02/2022 07:27

@DatingDinosaur call me naïve but why would he future fake, he gained nothing from it. (Shrugs)

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Inthesameboatatmo · 14/02/2022 14:42

He sounds like a future faker op. You dodged a bullet for sure.

SailingNotSurfing · 14/02/2022 14:54

I had a similar online relationship where he and I got on incredibly well, chatted and messaged for hours at a time. When we eventually met up, 6 months down the line, he smelt bad, he spat when he talked and there was absolutely no chemistry there at all. I felt really sad, because I just assumed that in real life we would have had a fantastic relationship.

Oh and during the course of the date, he let slip that he still lived with his parents and not in a waterfront apartment (phone call from mum part way through the afternoon asking what he wanted for tea), couldn't drive, let alone have a Range Rover, and was unemployed as opposed to a successful landscape gardener.

Original poster

FragileLikeABomb · 14/02/2022 14:59

@SailingNotSurfing I didn’t feel great either but I had my reasons, I wasn’t able to relax or give him my full attention.

@Inthesameboatatmo I don’t understand the purpose of it though.

OP posts:

DatingDinosaur · 16/02/2022 21:39

[quote FragileLikeABomb]@DatingDinosaur call me naïve but why would he future fake, he gained nothing from it. (Shrugs)[/quote]
To make himself sound like an attractive prospect. Because otherwise he's a bit dull and can't pull women.

ChargingBuck · 16/02/2022 21:57

[quote FragileLikeABomb]@bettertocryinamercedes I’m so glad it worked out for you. And I’d love that for us, but I don’t think he would, and I don’t wanna embarrass myself by asking it. We were like you two, we were talking about living together, he was saying he wanted it quickly, talking about having children and what not, then it came to the date and it was just friendly. I know why I was so awkward and I feel so sad that I haven’t got a chance to be myself around him.[/quote]
Talking about living together?
Before you'd even MET?

You've dodged a Future Faker.

ChargingBuck · 16/02/2022 21:58

@FragileLikeABomb

He says he bases it in feelings and he said it wasn’t there. I dunno where to go from there..

You don't go anywhere you daft bugger - because YOU weren't feeling it either!

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