First date..

[FragileLikeABomb]

Has anyone ever gotten on with someone so well over texts and calls, but when it comes to meeting, not so much.

Was talking to someone for 6 weeks, there was plans to meet but he kept cancelling or changing his mind. We got on great, we’d talk for hours on the phone and stayed up once till 4.30am just talking. We always had something to talk about.

We met up yesterday (Saturday) and it didn’t flow. I wasn’t comfortable and he said he didn’t feel a spark. I’m not gunna lie, I feel gutted. We got on so great until yesterday. /:

@ChargingBuck thank you. I’m feeling loads better than I did on Sunday, I’m still going over it in my head but when I think about how he was, I’m just like “whaaat” it was as if I annoyed him. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

No good vibes. (:

Sounds a bit of a timewaster, dragging out the chats so he has some sort of company, not being available in person then being pretty dull on the day, not making much of an effort to put you at ease.

I've had it loads, nice enough chat then no chemistry. No biggie. The key is to not invest or raise expectations before you meet. For instance, I'm happy to do an hour's video call to ascertain we can hold a conversation and we are both who we say we are but no more. Spending hours on the phone builds false intimacy and tbh is a waste of time as you only know how you will really feel upon meeting.

I dunno if I should be to blame too. I mean I stuck around when he gave me opportunities to go. I think I was scared I wouldn’t find that “connection” with anyone else.

This happens a lot. I tend to be brazen about suggesting meetings very soon after connecting because otherwise it’s easy to ‘waste time’ on someone you think you might like, just to realise you don’t…

@theholenineyards I know, I wanted to meet pretty early on as I felt we were still in that getting to know each other stage and it was all new. 8 weeks later, it’s not new and his energy’s shit. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Nope. You both enjoyed the chat and maybe it was what you needed at the time. The reality of meeting just didn't pan out as expected or hoped. That's all.

You'll definitely find that connection with other people. Time and time again.

Sorry, thought I'd quoted your post timed 22:21 OP.

@DatingDinosaur I’ll always be baffled. He was just just really sharp and speaking like I annoyed him, didn’t thank me for buying him a coffee either. 🙄

He was just just really sharp and speaking like I annoyed him, didn’t thank me for buying him a coffee either

Well he's not a very nice man then is he, OP?
& you don't need to pay attention to the opinions of unpleasant men.

@ChargingBuck thank you. (:

This is a thing though isn't it? The longer you talk over text / phone etc, with all the predictable 'good morning beautiful!' type missives and the whole 'we talk until 4am!' kinda thing, the more you create this whole fantasy around 'the relationship.'

We can all compose witty, erudite texts, with little jokes and niceties etc etc and this leads to a false feeling of chemistry

The only way to know if there's chemistry is to meet up asap. So next time, don't spend time on texts etc. it's a waste of your time. Ask to meet for a coffee asap and only then will you know if it's right

@CharlotteSometimess I know, I wanted to, he kept putting it off.

No harm done, you know for next time that if someone can't or won't meet soonish then either sack them off, or if you think it's a genuine reason (e.g. they're abroad for work or have a thesis deadline) then dial back the virtual 'getting to know you' with them, and chat to others until they are available. If you meet someone in the meantime then that's that.

With OLD, I think we all probably have to learn these things first hand, it is easy to build up a rosy picture prematurely so don't give this one too much more thought. He sounded rude anyway.

It's funny cause I was talking to my friend about this tonight.

When I first met with my ex we had been talking for about 3 months before we met. It was really good via messages but in person not so much, in fact when he left I sent a text saying how little we had in common and that I'd never met anymore more different to me. We both agreed there was nothing there... zero chemistry .... but we'd be friends!

We DID get together and were in a relationship for nearly 4 years. Turned out I was right from the start ... we had nothing in common (and a lot other factors that also contributed to us splitting).

[quote FragileLikeABomb]@bettertocryinamercedes I’m so glad it worked out for you. And I’d love that for us, but I don’t think he would, and I don’t wanna embarrass myself by asking it. We were like you two, we were talking about living together, he was saying he wanted it quickly, talking about having children and what not, then it came to the date and it was just friendly. I know why I was so awkward and I feel so sad that I haven’t got a chance to be myself around him.[/quote]
Why on earth would you be talking about stuff like this with someone you have never met? Wise up.

This is why you can never know if you click until you meet
It's impossible to gauge the vibe of a person until you see them face to face
This is why people often say meeting their favourite celebrity was disappointing
That they were nothing like they expect
I think you need to take responsibility for getting carried away here
It's a big red flag for someone to be talking about moving in together & children before you've even met
Most people on dating apps are having multiple conversations at once
You need to work on the assumption they are having these same kinds of conversations with a number of other people
Personally I find it hard to remember what I have said to whom
You should never deny yourself any opportunities
For someone who are just talking to on a dating app
The fact he was continually avoiding meeting up in real lifeafter having such deep conversations with you
Is another big red flag
Maybe a break from online dating could do you good
Go watch the Tinder Swindler to see where being vulnerable on a dating app can get you

I missed the bit where you say you talked about children and living together: honestly, that's just mad. Try not to get yourself into this situation again - you don't talk about having children together with a stranger! It's very weird

The convos just flowed onto that, they weren’t serious talk. We talked about anything and everything.

But I wasted 5 years with a man that didn’t want kids, I hopes he’d change his mind. So I do want to know if someone wants children so I don’t make that same mistake again.

And I 100% take responsibility, it wasn’t all him.