Leaving partner over debt?

[Dalmatiancupcakes]

Would you leave someone who was in so much debt that you had to fund everything despite them being a higher income earner?
No treats, date nights or gifts.
Every penny on paying back debts.
Almost a year into the relationship and it’s bringing me down, but I love him and feel very shallow to be annoyed by something like money when he treats me wonderfully as a person.

I don’t pay his way for him and I’ve never contributed to a debt payment, in terms of paying for everything that means our dates and any food during the week. I have bailed him out quite a few times and he always paid me back but I began to refuse as I knew he couldn’t afford to

Those two statements don't match, OP, but moving on to you refusing repayment is often what they aim for

As for treating you "wonderfully", you probably wouldn't have told him to keep the money if he didn't; however now he's engineered this position I wonder if he'd treat you just the same if the gifts dried up?

Treats you wonderfully ... well, he has to really since you're the goose that lays the golden eggs.

You don't pay off his debt but you are paying for him to have a "life upgrade" that he'd have to do without otherwise.

It sounds like the debts will take many years to pay off and you're right to look into your crystal ball and see that you'll be paying for all the mortgage and costs for any joint children. Plus what happens if he loses his well paid job as well ...?

It sounds miserable and hopeless.

How long is this debt going to take to pay off?!? You say never being able to afford childcare costs or a mortgage - that sounds like you think he'll be in debt for 20+ years?!? If there is light at the end of the tunnel, how can you live like that?

Why are there so many threads, recently, that are about men who are skint or tight and expect a woman to finance them?

And why do the Ops rarely come back?

So you have to pay for every activity that builds the relationship. Dinners, days out, all of that stuff. That's not trivial, that sort of thing is crucial to the relationship growing and deepening. If he is unwilling or unable to contribute his fair share to keeping the relationship going, then for me that would be a huge red flag in and of itself. It shouldn't be all on your shoulders (or bank balance) OP especially as you're relatively early into the relationship.

My foofoo would clamp shut as I'd have no respect for him