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Original poster

What would you make of this message?

44 replies

Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 18:58

NC.

Been with DH for 6 years, married for 18 months. Never any reason to distrust him but I do have some leftover stuff from being cheated on by my abusive ex.

He's on nights and I've just opened his laptop to play a game (full access, know all passwords etc). His text message screen that is linked to his phone popped up as soon as I opened it.

For context, he went out with a friend on Friday night (I was working the next day so in bed early), came home at about 1 and straight to bed. He was in a pub we both regularly go to.

The message at 1.30am read "just thinking, you and (friend's name) should have come to mine, we are drinking and dancing!"

DH replied at 10.30 the next morning saying he hoped they had a good night, he's too hungover to run today but will let them know when he's back out running properly.

The person replies "yes great night although my feet wouldn't agree after the walk back! Definitely not a run day but yeah, let me know what you start".

I've done some WhatsApp sleuthing and it's a blonde woman I don't recognize.

DH is not the type to chat a woman up in a pub but this has made me feel a little weird.

Am I reading too much into this? Sit tight and see what happens?

OP posts:
Cottagepieandpeas · 10/02/2022 19:01

It sounds like someone he knows from running. Does he belong to a club or do Park Run or anything.
I mean he hasn’t said anything suspicious as far as I can see.

Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 19:03

He does run but not in a group or anything like that, just on his own.

OP posts:
AlDanvers · 10/02/2022 19:04

My assumption would be its someone he knows. Through running or a fitness class?

To be honest, I read her message as potentially testing the waters. He message as a polite brush off.

bluecray · 10/02/2022 19:06

Bit random but, 'run' could be a code word - a euphemism at best?

Or he could just have found a new running friend.

Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 19:07

Yeah I hope that's the case.

Even though there's no messages before this date, he didn't mention bumping into a friend or anything. And he did walk home, which would suggest he walked with this person. I hope he's not got drunk and decided it was a good idea to take someone's number. I know in my heart he'd never follow up on it, but it doesn't sit right.

OP posts:
Sonaftersonafterson · 10/02/2022 19:07

Clearly he knows her. Enough to chat casually and have her number in the first place. Was it a saved number?
Nothing dodgy per se, but I wouldn't like a woman texting my husband saying he should have come back to hers for drinking and dancing. Not appropriate at all for a married man. He didnt reply though and didnt go.... so.... I'd just watch him or... ask him?

Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 19:08

@bluecray

Bit random but, 'run' could be a code word - a euphemism at best?

Or he could just have found a new running friend.

I don't think he's that subtle 🤣

I would have no objection to this, just strange he didn't mention it. We usually talk about all the strange people we meet on nights out.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 10/02/2022 19:08

First message flirty. Response leaves option of meeting up to run together. Unless they’re old running friends, part of a club or whatever don’t think DH’s response was great.

Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 19:09

@Sonaftersonafterson

Clearly he knows her. Enough to chat casually and have her number in the first place. Was it a saved number? Nothing dodgy per se, but I wouldn't like a woman texting my husband saying he should have come back to hers for drinking and dancing. Not appropriate at all for a married man. He didnt reply though and didnt go.... so.... I'd just watch him or... ask him?
No contacts show saved on the laptop which is annoying. Just the number.
OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 10/02/2022 19:12

I don't think you need to worry in the least, judging by his replies. Your DH seems totally solid and I wouldn't feel worried in the least. He's clearly not interested even if she is. But even her messages don't sound too worrying. But even so, personally, I too would be a bit Hmm. I remember my ex husband had some woman from years ago getting in touch with him following her divorce and it was a bit harmless but potentially 'feely'... just putting the feelers out sort of thing. I wasn't too happy but I wasn't worried.

It would be good to find out how your DH knows her. You don't want her hanging around like fly paper.

Cuddlemuffin · 10/02/2022 19:13

Can't you just ask him about it? I mean he's not hiding his messages from you and you can say it's made you feel a bit insecure just because of stuff with your ex. You'll be able to tell if he tries to lie to you and you'd hope as an adult he'll just reassure you and explain who the person is x

Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 19:15

Yeah it's just strange. I've never looked through his phone or laptop as I've had no reason to, but this literally just popped up. I'd never have known or worried otherwise.

He is totally solid, but it's just odd. I try not to read too much into things but sometimes my history prevents that.

I also hate running or any form of exercise 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 19:16

@Cuddlemuffin

Can't you just ask him about it? I mean he's not hiding his messages from you and you can say it's made you feel a bit insecure just because of stuff with your ex. You'll be able to tell if he tries to lie to you and you'd hope as an adult he'll just reassure you and explain who the person is x
Yes I think I'll sleep on it and if I'm still a bit shook tomorrow I'll ask.
OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 10/02/2022 20:10

What I got was, tiddly blondie was maybe wearing high heels on the walk home. Her and mates carried on the night. In the pub, her and dh had got to chatting about running and exchanged numbers.
He's brushed her off.

Original poster
Anewusername123 · 10/02/2022 21:29

@2catsandhappy I'm happy with that! (Accurate description from my WhatsApp stalking btw).

OP posts:
Jk24 · 10/02/2022 23:52

I would ask op. Not in an arsey way but mention the messaged popped up ans just wondered who it was?

QuicklyGoSlowly · 11/02/2022 00:29

It sounds friendly to me, maybe she knows dh's friend and they got talking about running.
I would definitely ask him though

scorpiogirly · 11/02/2022 01:56

I don't know about this. I don't think it's okay to swap numbers either random you meet on nights out. I initially thought it sounded like he knows her. If that's the case, why was she also in the pub? Did they arrange to meet would be my question. Although there doesn't seem a text message to support this theory.

MsDogLady · 11/02/2022 02:32

This wouldn’t sit right with me either, and I wouldn’t hesitate to ask your H about it. This woman messaged him like he’s single.

He came home at 1:00, having visited in the pub and walked with her. She messaged him soon after, bantering that he was missing out on the drinking/dancing at hers. She had his number and felt comfortable sending that flirty message to this married guy, which is clearly inappropriate.

When H responded the next day, he cancelled what was likely a tentative plan to run together, but said he’d contact her about running some other time. After her flirty message, I would have expected my H to shut it down more definitively. Hopefully he won’t follow through and set up any meet-ups.

I also agree that it’s strange that he hasn’t mentioned her, as this is the norm for you both. Definitely talk to him about it.

SexPeopleLynn · 11/02/2022 03:10

I read it as totally innocent.

You say the laptop doesn't save contact details so there's nothing to suggest this is someone he just met and exchanged numbers with. Could be a casual acquaintance he bumped into at the pub

Also, nothing to suggest they walked home together at all. Not sure where that's come from. He doesn't mention it and she just says her feet hurt from the walk home (presumably with her friend who she carried on dancing with)

Completely solid on your husbands part even if her initial 1.30 message is a little testing the waters

Ginandplatonic · 11/02/2022 03:46

To be honest, I read her message as potentially testing the waters. He message as a polite brush off.

Yes, that’s how I read it as well. Sounds to me like he’s trying to let her know he’s not interested. Not sure if she’s getting the message though…

Monty27 · 11/02/2022 04:23

OP I think he probably bumped into her at the pub and they recognised each other from running routes or running club. I think it is nothing more and she probably offered people to go back to hers to party.
I've randomly had a bunch of people back at mine for music and drinks when I was younger. It didn't mean I wanted to jump some bloke. Particularly a married bloke. Not all single women do that.
And he didn't go!
I'd keep an eye on it for sure.

Monty27 · 11/02/2022 04:25

Sorry for the waffle.
Yes and I think it was a polite brush off too.

AlDanvers · 11/02/2022 05:09

Is the blonde in the WhatsApp photo, definitely the woman who text him? Just gone through my WhatsApp list and and loads have photos, that are not themselves. My 68 year old aunt has a photo of her Dil and grandkids.

I also didn't read it it as he walked her home. I read it as though she walked home, probably with her friend.

Rosieposie101 · 11/02/2022 05:18

He's clearly given her his number (not appropriate), she's clearly flirting and unless he's totally dense he would have noticed that? Yet he's either planned to meet her for a run or has been meeting her for runs?

To me, it seems like he's either met her running, given her his number, and then intentionally met up with her in the pub, or he's met her in the pub, given her his number, and is planning to meet her to go running. She seems very eager and flirty which makes me wonder whether she even knows of your existance? I'd be absolutely furious about this!

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