What would you make of this message?

[Anewusername123]

NC.

Been with DH for 6 years, married for 18 months. Never any reason to distrust him but I do have some leftover stuff from being cheated on by my abusive ex.

He's on nights and I've just opened his laptop to play a game (full access, know all passwords etc). His text message screen that is linked to his phone popped up as soon as I opened it.

For context, he went out with a friend on Friday night (I was working the next day so in bed early), came home at about 1 and straight to bed. He was in a pub we both regularly go to.

The message at 1.30am read "just thinking, you and (friend's name) should have come to mine, we are drinking and dancing!"

DH replied at 10.30 the next morning saying he hoped they had a good night, he's too hungover to run today but will let them know when he's back out running properly.

The person replies "yes great night although my feet wouldn't agree after the walk back! Definitely not a run day but yeah, let me know what you start".

I've done some WhatsApp sleuthing and it's a blonde woman I don't recognize.

DH is not the type to chat a woman up in a pub but this has made me feel a little weird.

Am I reading too much into this? Sit tight and see what happens?

No, it's not OK. He gave his number out. Total lack of judgement. Then an invite back to hers. I'm not saying he's interested, but they are talking about potentially meeting up for a run. I would definitely mention it so that it can be shut down. I always reverse it and think what my dh would think if it was me giving my number out. We're not jealous types but boundaries are important.

Sounds fine to me. He didn't even respond to the let about being invited back and sounds politely friendly. She might even have fancied his mate

I wouldn't mention it just yet. See if he mentions a running buddy in the next week or so.

If he has given his number to this woman at the pub then this has crossed a line. if all innocent he would have mentioned it to you straight away.

Only other thing it could be, is its actually a bloke and he just has his gf's picture on his whats app. It is possible.

Only conerning thing is his reply which suggests he will be letting this person know when he goes running. Could just be him being poolite and he has no intention to. But certainly worth keeping an eye on it

She's after your man. No one texts random married men things like that unless they're pushing for something. I'd ask him.

Sounds fine to me. She invited him AND his friend so that's not innapropriate surely? It sounds like she is someone he runs with as part of a group.

That being said I would probably inquire a little about her as it is possible she likes him and is fishing.

OP has said her H doesn’t have ‘running buddies’.

This is an attractive stranger or acquaintance from the pub. OP’s H has not ‘shut down’ the interaction but left open the possibility of running together.

Oh no, running together, oh, call the affair police, they're obviously banging xD

(Sarcasm).

And he did shoot her down. If he was interested he would have suggested another day. Or continued the conversation in literally any way. Doesn't look like he did that.

@Loopytiles

OP has said her H doesn’t have ‘running buddies’.

This is an attractive stranger or acquaintance from the pub. OP’s H has not ‘shut down’ the interaction but left open the possibility of running together.

Op doesn't actually know that.

Its entirely possible this is a woman from work or anywhere and they had a passing converstation about running, or even its not her picture on what's app.

Are you saying it would be better if the what's app photos was someone leas attractive?

I don't think it did leave the possibility open. I think most people would take 'yeah will let you know' as a no.

I would just ask him about it it it's made you feel uneasy. You're married, you should feel confident that you can ask your husband a question about something that has made you mildly uncomfortable!
I personally don't see anything overly worrisome about the text messages, but without knowing the full details of who she is/how he met her etc, there's no way of really knowing.

Seems an entirely normal conversation to me. Seems like he and his mate met someone they knew who was also out with friends, she invited them both to join, they didn't, he came home. she sent a chirpy message.

Whether or not she was testing the waters doesn't matter. His response makes it clear that he's not encouraging anything. So no, I wouldn't bring it up because it would make it look as though I was prying into his messages and didn't trust him.

Either your husband has a friend he runs with that you don't know about, and they met up in the pub, either by accident or prearranged.
Or, your husband got chatting to a woman in the pub who he liked enough to exchange numbers and make plans to go running with.
Unless your husband is particuarly attractive I'd say its unlikely she was putting the feelers out without some encouragement on his part, as average married blokes don't tend to get much unsolicited attention from attractive women. Clearly he didn't progress it, but it's up to you if you're happy with the likely scenarios that led up to it.

Sounds like he doesn't run on his own or at least isn't intending to otherwise he wouldn't have replied like that.

It could be an old friend or someone he knows through work and has her number for a perfectly legitimate reason. I’d just say the message popped up when you were on the computer and ask who it is.

Did you ask him?

Hi - yes I did.

As many suspected, they swapped numbers for running. His friend (recently single) was chatting up her friend.

DH is in no way a bad guy and did this with no malice. He doesn't realise how attractive he is (not a boast, he really is), and didn't think anything more of it other than running. They all walked home together as this woman lives nearby. He woke up to the text inviting him back and felt uncomfortable - but he is also too polite for his own good so he replied.

I told him it made me uncomfortable and it was not appropriate for a married man to be swapping numbers with women, and he understands this. I asked how he would feel if I swapped numbers with a random man in the pub and it sort of hit home to him then. He apologised for not telling me, but he didn't think it was worth mentioning.

I trust him unconditionally and I believe he is telling the truth. He doesn't understand when women are flirting with him (I've seen it first hand, it's quite funny).

So yeah, that's that. All put to bed!

I wouldn't be worried, about your husband at least. Sounds to me as if she was testing the waters hinting at them going to her place. He clearly ignored the insinuation and isn't interested. She seems interested in him but his replies seem totally platonic to me. Just ask him about it and I'm sure he'll reassure you.

Cross posted. I'm glad he was able to reassure you. I knew it would be innocent.

Thank goodness there are still some sensible solid people on mumsnet who sort these issues out without drama! Well done! Additionally maybe this could be your cue to start running 🤣

I read his reply as a polite brush off to someone he knows (through running?) and he doesn't want to change their "relationship" into anything more. Can't see how it can be read in any other way.