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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My 10 month relationship ended tonight. Should I be happy I dodged a bullet or sad??

58 replies

piemaggedon · 07/02/2022 21:32

So I loved him, I still have strong feelings for him. But he fucking loved himself so much, would go on about how high his IQ was (153). What a genius he was compared to most other people. Told me he was a mover and shaker and I was 'just a worker'. Basically he set his own company up, and despite me earning a lot more than him on a monthly basis and having a bloody good job, I'm riding on other peoples coattails, unlike him. He often finds me boring because I'm engrossed in playing mum or fretting about work. He's above all of that, he's his own boss, he makes his own rules.

Apart from this the sex was lush, we had loads of deep conversations, we really enjoyed each others company but sometimes he was a bit of a dick (as per above). So am I wrong to end it because I think he's a bit of a dick? Or do I overlook this stuff because he ticked some very important boxes (good sex, conversation etc)? I struggle to keep relationships and I'm thinking maybe other people just put up with this sort of crap??

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 07/02/2022 21:33

He was a massive dick not just a bit
Good decision!

piemaggedon · 07/02/2022 21:35

Thanks, I think I need validation for my decision, otherwise when I'm old and single and everyone points out I could have had someone but I threw them away, I'll at least feel it was right at the time.

OP posts:
dudsville · 07/02/2022 21:35

Absolutely, I wouldn't have wanted to hear all that crap!

IhaveaBigBum · 07/02/2022 21:36

Good sex and good conversation is all I ever want in a man, however if any man was that condescending towards me he would be out the door pronto.
Dodged a bullet.

BobHadBitchTits · 07/02/2022 21:36

Ugh. I've already got the ick and I don't even know him.

DramaAlpaca · 07/02/2022 21:37

I think you've had a very lucky escape, quite frankly.

Defiantly41 · 07/02/2022 21:37

I wonder how many sentences mumsnetters would have to read before making up their minds?

After the first sentence, you've dodged a bullet. He would have only got more disrespectful and self absorbed - even if the pomposity comes from a place of insecurity, you are not his rehab centre.

piemaggedon · 07/02/2022 21:40

Ok so far everyone is thinking I've dodged a bullet. That does make me feel better.

OP posts:
MeOldBamboo · 07/02/2022 21:41

Don’t compromise in that way. You deserve spectacular and don’t settle for less.
You did the right thing!

piemaggedon · 07/02/2022 21:42

@Defiantly41

I wonder how many sentences mumsnetters would have to read before making up their minds?

After the first sentence, you've dodged a bullet. He would have only got more disrespectful and self absorbed - even if the pomposity comes from a place of insecurity, you are not his rehab centre.

It's interesting you say you are not his rehab Center, he did have some shockingly self absorbed tantrum type episodes. I often wondered about the state of his mental health. I did sometimes feel like unpaid counsellor. I'm feeling more and more I made the right decision.
OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 07/02/2022 21:42
Flowers Another one who thinks you’ve dodged a bullet. It’s ok to feel a bit raw through. Onwards and upwards! Flowers Brew
AsymQuestion · 07/02/2022 21:43

Jesus, those sentences are like nails on a chalkboard, instant ick, he's got problems, but he's no longer your problem. Well done!

iwishu · 07/02/2022 21:43

Definitely dodged a bullet, I expect he'll be single for quite a while with an attitude like that. A sign of his own insecurities that he has to bring someone else down.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 07/02/2022 21:44

Was the sex genuinely that good? I'm not sure how it can be with a narcissist!

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 21:44

Go god.
Just reading your description and I want to strangle him!!

Well done for getting rid and reclaiming your self respect.

MadrigalCorp · 07/02/2022 21:45

Wow I was about 2 sentences into your post and thinking "What a cock".

Correct decision OP!

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 21:47

I struggle to keep relationships and I'm thinking maybe other people just put up with this sort of crap??

Maybe rather than you having some issues (whatever they are), it’s you having a sense of self worth that others don’t. And they are accepting stuff they shouldn’t accept.

M0RVEN · 07/02/2022 21:47

You can be happy you’ve dodged a bullet AND sad that you will miss all the good sex. Though I have to say I’m surprised that a man as self centred as him was good in bed.

piemaggedon · 07/02/2022 21:48

@TheApexOfMyLife

I struggle to keep relationships and I'm thinking maybe other people just put up with this sort of crap??

Maybe rather than you having some issues (whatever they are), it’s you having a sense of self worth that others don’t. And they are accepting stuff they shouldn’t accept.

I never thought of it like that, good point!
OP posts:
whistleryukon · 07/02/2022 21:48

There is no standard of sex in the world that could tip the balance after comments as wanky as those Envy

glasgowLil · 07/02/2022 21:49

Op -you sound like you have a great life and have achieved loads. You should be with someone who thinks you are great and tells you so. Getting rid of this guy is definitely the right thing to do. Hugs. Xx

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/02/2022 21:50

Ugh.

Just reading about him gives me the toxic shivers.

You’re basically saying: does it matter if someone undermines me and insults my intelligence and achievements, as long as the sex and chat is good?

We’ve all met men like this. The sex and conversation (which you may well recognise as pretentious and trite and self-important and stuffed full of pomposity and cod-profundity before too long) are performative and you’re just acting as a mirror for him. Everything else - the real stuff - is poisonous, immature and damaging.

Enjoy your freedom and embrace your future!

Bananalanacake · 07/02/2022 21:50

I'm intrigued as to what his company was.

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/02/2022 21:54

Bullet dodged, 100%

Your partner is meant to think you are great. He sounds like he only had regard for himself. Please start valuing yourself.

whatisheupto · 07/02/2022 21:55

Urgh if he was that bad so early in the relationship... imagine what he would have been like 5 years further down the line! Awful!!