My 10 month relationship ended tonight. Should I be happy I dodged a bullet or sad??

[piemaggedon]

So I loved him, I still have strong feelings for him. But he fucking loved himself so much, would go on about how high his IQ was (153). What a genius he was compared to most other people. Told me he was a mover and shaker and I was 'just a worker'. Basically he set his own company up, and despite me earning a lot more than him on a monthly basis and having a bloody good job, I'm riding on other peoples coattails, unlike him. He often finds me boring because I'm engrossed in playing mum or fretting about work. He's above all of that, he's his own boss, he makes his own rules.

Apart from this the sex was lush, we had loads of deep conversations, we really enjoyed each others company but sometimes he was a bit of a dick (as per above). So am I wrong to end it because I think he's a bit of a dick? Or do I overlook this stuff because he ticked some very important boxes (good sex, conversation etc)? I struggle to keep relationships and I'm thinking maybe other people just put up with this sort of crap??

@Defiantly41

I wonder how many sentences mumsnetters would have to read before making up their minds?

After the first sentence, you've dodged a bullet. He would have only got more disrespectful and self absorbed - even if the pomposity comes from a place of insecurity, you are not his rehab centre.

Yes - all of this! Bullet dodged. I was with a massive narcissist for 10 years but even he wasn’t this full of himself!!

And Apex has a good point too - my self esteem is shockingly low hence putting up with 10 years of being in the shadow of someone who loved himself far more than he ever loved me. You have had the good sense to knock it on the head now.

What a waste of space. By a vibrator just as good 🙌🏻

OP, how did this very recent ex take it when you ended it? I bet his self absorbed ego was bruised. Well done ! Why should you settle for rubbish?

Did he call you boring? Did the words "playing mum" leave his lips? If so my dear you haven't avoided a bullet but rather a warhead of a twat. If only all twats were so considerate to let you know so soon exactly who and what they are! Also you really need some help to find your boundaries and self worth along with 'red flag a beginners guide'. Those 'deep' conversations were nothing more than the self-aggrandisement of a deeply vain yet insecure man. Fuck him, OP.

Having standards is a good thing. Keep it that way.

@Carreterra

OP, how did this very recent ex take it when you ended it? I bet his self absorbed ego was bruised. Well done ! Why should you settle for rubbish?

It was a strange ending, he was ranting by text about how boring I was, how he was a mover and shaker, I was too involved in playing mum and doing my job. I woke up to these texts and just hit the roof. Told him he was a self absorbed prick and it's all over. I'm blocking him And he's finding more platforms. Believe it or not he's just turned up on bloody Snapchat. Block. I can't be done with someone this up their own arse!!!

@paname

Did he call you boring? Did the words "playing mum" leave his lips? If so my dear you haven't avoided a bullet but rather a warhead of a twat. If only all twats were so considerate to let you know so soon exactly who and what they are! Also you really need some help to find your boundaries and self worth along with 'red flag a beginners guide'. Those 'deep' conversations were nothing more than the self-aggrandisement of a deeply vain yet insecure man. Fuck him, OP.

I know you're right x

When you’re old and grey the sex will be long gone but a boastful wanker will still be ranting on about how great he is and how crap you are.

Settle down with someone you’ll still want to listen to when you’re 85.

@Thewindwhispers

When you’re old and grey the sex will be long gone but a boastful wanker will still be ranting on about how great he is and how crap you are.

Settle down with someone you’ll still want to listen to when you’re 85.

Well said. I'm now feeling very happy with my decision, I had been unsure. But it would only have got much much worse.

What a complete knob he was. Negging you to make himself feel better. Well done for seeing your own worth, he should have been celebrating you. Bet he sorry now 😆

How you could bring yourself to have sex with him? He's horrific.

Well done on seeing what a prick he is and getting rid X

Other people do just put up with that sort of shit OP you’re right.
But then end up unhappy and resentful and wishing they’d made changes earlier

Sounds like he’s beginning to give you the ick. Once you notice someone is just a bit of a self important dick, it’s hard to see past it

He is telling lies about having an IQ of 153. Less than 0.03% of the population have a validated IQ above 150. Standardised tests make it hard to produce precise scores at the extreme ends of the scale. Cognitive testing practitioners usually reference standard deviation around a score to suggest the actual score rests between two number bands. So if he is telling lies about that, what else does he lie about? Or make up to impress you and dumb you down? Why does he feel the need to do this if not because he is a narcissist or deep down has very poor self esteem about his underperformance. Most people can set up a company legally by pushing a few buttons, and paying a fee. It is not a requirement to have any special talents other than to hire an accountant to look after your books. Being his own boss and making his own rules does not sound that impressive if he is earning less than you. Bullet dodged.

Told him he was a self absorbed prick and it's all over

Hooray! Well done OP.

I wonder what perceived inadequacy he was overcompensating for... was he short? Bald? Was he less well educated/qualified than he felt he should be/you..?

His IQ is lower than mine. It means fuck all anyway!

I dated a man like this. Terrific bore and was always trying to prove he was more intelligent than me. He wasn't. Or he certainly didn't sound it with some of his arguments... I dumped him.

They're twats.
You've DEFINITELY done the right thing I did too...

I'm pretty sure my IQ outstrips my achievements in life, lots of less knowledgeable people do far better in life than I have. You can't ride on your clever coatails as an end in itself, and it doesn't mean much if you're still an underachiever, it's just a fraction of the whole of life. He could well be insecure and riding on it as he is fully aware that you earn more and is intimidated by it, or he could actually have no idea as has no common sense - which does not go hand in hand with intellect.
You, are far from boring, you have the nurturing ability that he clearly lacks, so dismisses something he's incapable of as boring.
Tbh, that makes him dull, as he's a one trick pony whereas you multitask. Is your DC also his? There's a lack of empathy, you'd expect more from a father.
You don't need validation of others for dumping, if you feel it's necessary, then that is what counts.

Oh let me guess, he's got the rage now. How dare you dump him? He's got an IQ! And a company! And he's so interesting!

Dear God love, you haven't dodged a bullet, you've dodged an NRA convention on the day the bullet salesmen come to do their pitches.

If he keeps having to tell you how snacking he is... he is not allowed that!

Also, how fucking dare he put you down!

Dodged a bullet, you def deserve better.

*Snacking should be amazing. 🤣

Jesus. Anyone who describes themselves as "a mover and a shaker" is a twat. I had a boss who used that phrase and he was a twat as well. I can't take anyone seriously who says it.

You have done yourself a massive favour in getting rid of him!

You have channelled your inner Matrix Keanu. You have dodged more bullets than you knew were coming. Well done. He's a nob.

Good lord he sounds like an absolute pillock. He seriously described himself as a ‘mover and shaker’. Thank God you don’t have to enable his pillockdom anymore. Block him on everything and let him become a funny story. (Shame about the sex tho )

@scoobydoo1971

He is telling lies about having an IQ of 153. Less than 0.03% of the population have a validated IQ above 150. Standardised tests make it hard to produce precise scores at the extreme ends of the scale. Cognitive testing practitioners usually reference standard deviation around a score to suggest the actual score rests between two number bands. So if he is telling lies about that, what else does he lie about? Or make up to impress you and dumb you down? Why does he feel the need to do this if not because he is a narcissist or deep down has very poor self esteem about his underperformance. Most people can set up a company legally by pushing a few buttons, and paying a fee. It is not a requirement to have any special talents other than to hire an accountant to look after your books. Being his own boss and making his own rules does not sound that impressive if he is earning less than you. Bullet dodged.

Interesting...

Mine was tested through Mensa years ago. They use the Cattell B scale. 161 is the highest IQ they give using that scale which is what they gave me.

I use standardised scores at work. Once the raw score hits a certain point, everything after that is just given the same score due to reliability.

Whatever, it's meaningless anyway. It means someone has scored well on an IQ test. It says, and predicts, nothing else!

Definitely dodged a bullet, well done!
He sounds extremely tedious. One of those guys that props up the bar in the pub trying to impress people whilst simultaneously looking down his nose at them. The same one that everyone is at pains to avoid....