I have a FWB.
We are definitely not going to end up moving in together or merge finances.
We got out to eat/drink/days out etc and try and split the costs evenly - which doesn't always work out as it's impossible to split everything 50/50 if you take turns to pay. Eg I might by using tickets to a play and then he might play for dinner beforehand which won't always equal exactly the same.
We are both very very sensitive about money. I have been financially abused by a family member and he has suffered re-occurring serious health issues which have resulted in paid time off work - luckily he has a very understanding boss/employer and a job for life in my eyes - but he is very anxious about being long-term ill and therefore is aiming to pay his mortgage off as soon as possible. I'm trying to lay down my mortgage to reduce my future monthly costs (see below)
I earn £36,000
He earns £55,000
We both run our own households, and have spare money which we both over pay into our mortgages.
My house equity is more than his, sadly thanks to an inheritance, but he has an amazing private pension to come when he retires, I have none.
I am planning to try and have a child using a sperm donator next year, and have no local family support so am likely to only be able to return to work part time for several years. He is childless and wants to remain so.
My question is this - how do we fairly split everything we pay for fairly?
For example because he is twice the size of me he will order more food than me when we eat out, he will also drink more than me, 2 pints to my 1 etc.
When I am out with female friends we tend to eat/drink similar amounts so it's never felt unfair to split the bill 50/50.
These aren't massive differences each time - which is why this seems so petty and why I have gone into detail about why we are so sensitive about money. We both get quite anxious about this - but it's seems massively weird to pay for our own things all the time. We go to cheap/mid-range places and I feel I can't suggest nicer places because I'll end up paying because it will be 'my turn'.
Any suggestions?
We have wildly different spending, eg I will buy new things a lot more than he will, my car is more expensive for example - so I think he thinks I'm easy going about money - which I am - apart from when I feel I'm subbing someone else's lifestyle.
He's spoken to me about his issues, but I've never told I'm him I feel he constantly gets an advantage.
Please don't be horrible to me, I know we are both privileged, but we both have suffered trauma from our pasts and this affects how we view money and security and causes us both distress.
I'd just like some advice on how to handle this please.