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Original poster

OLD when overweight

43 replies

RoyKentsChestHair · 07/02/2022 02:17

I’ve seen lots of threads about whether you’ve met your DP online.

I met my recent ex 10 years ago but I was considerably slimmer (& of course younger!) back then. I’m now a size 18 and as someone with thyroid issues and peri menopausal, I struggle to lose it through diet and exercise, as I can’t do a lot without causing fatigue for days afterwards. Funnily enough the only way I ever lose weight is when we split up (has happened several times over the years. Always at least a stone down within a month without even trying when I’m upset!)

Having recently become single again I want to spend some time getting over my last relationship, I have a new job and am pushing myself to try new things and meet people, but I know that my best chance of meeting a man in future is OLD.

The worry is that I’ll be written off as a larger woman, without them getting to know the real me underneath. I was lucky that my ex also had struggled with his weight so never made me feel judged for putting on a few stone over the years. But I know not all men are as open minded and with the sweetshop mentality of OLD will they just think they can do better and swipe on past?

Have you met someone despite not being the obvious physical type that we’re all supposed to be aspiring to?

OP posts:
Knutface · 07/02/2022 04:39

My bmi is 31. Just be upfront, it isn’t a problem in my experience. I think the problem comes when people upload old or filtered photos and what you get irl is not what you were expecting. I always make sure that I send a full length photo and state that I’m large (or whatever the term on the site is). Plenty of men will date overweight women, if they aren’t interested you won’t match with them.

unicornsarereal72 · 07/02/2022 08:11

Take a nice full length picture. That way you are honest about your appearance.

Write nice chatty blurb and see what happens. I'm very clear I'm no slim Jim before I meet anyone. And take it from there.

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/02/2022 11:45

I’m scared of a full length picture but I guess you’re right - anyone who would be put off by it in a photo will also be put off in real life but will be annoyed that I wasted their time too.

When I met DP 10 years ago I sent him a full length pic and said “if you’re looking for skinny you can back out now” and he replied “skinny is not on my list of priorities, you look great” Sad but I was a size 12/14 at that point and am now 18 nudging 20 a bad day

The good news is I quite like a chunky man, so it’s not like I’m expecting him to be toned and buff either. But I know I’m probably significantly reducing my dating pool by being overweight.

OP posts:
WanderingLost167 · 07/02/2022 12:22

Me too, and I'm a size 22...

Doesn't stop them wanting to be fwb though it seems Hmm

Lottieskeeper · 07/02/2022 12:34

Honestly just make it clear from the start.
It will put some men off but there are a fair few who like bigger girls.
My husband is always telling me that he loves my chubby figure, big boobs, big bum and big tum. My ex husband was equally enthusiastic too.

RedCandyApple · 07/02/2022 12:38

Don’t try to hide your size or take only face pics so men can’t tell, trust me men know that women do this. Just be honest because no point trying to hide then meeting Up with them as if they are going to reject based on your size best to know before meeting up. I’m over weight but won’t be attempting dating until I’ve lost weight.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2022 12:39

Echo recent full length photos and being open.

Everyone will reduce their dating pool with something about their looks, personality, lifestyle or preferences - you just have to see it as being overweight is who you are at the moment and you want to meet somebody who likes or doesn’t mind that, rather than worrying whether or not more people would like you if you were something you aren’t.

DaffodilDandilion · 07/02/2022 12:40

Just take some full body pics so the men are fully aware of what you look like. I haven’t found my weight to be a problem. There’s lots of heavier men out there too!

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/02/2022 18:04

@ComtesseDeSpair

Echo recent full length photos and being open.

Everyone will reduce their dating pool with something about their looks, personality, lifestyle or preferences - you just have to see it as being overweight is who you are at the moment and you want to meet somebody who likes or doesn’t mind that, rather than worrying whether or not more people would like you if you were something you aren’t.

This is true and I guess part of me things that losing weight to meet someone would be daft because the minute I relax I know it will go back on Grin so I need someone who won’t make me feel bad for that.

Both XDP and I both put on about 3 stone after we got together and were both perfectly happy with each other regardless - split for other reasons!

OP posts:
Anothergreatday · 07/02/2022 20:24

Others are right just have your pics include a full pic . By accepting ourselves we attract others who accept us and it sounds like you have a great attitude
As for liking bigger guys , I am not sure that makes much difference as some of the heaviest guys seem to be the ones with the biggest ideas in deserving of wanting a skinny woman and some super fit guys love bigger women .
You’ll definitely meet people just keep your standards high and you’ll be fine Flowers

Steelesauce · 07/02/2022 20:32

Men like all types of body shapes. I know loads of men who prefer a bigger girl. I hear the classic line a lot 'I want a woman, not a girl'

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2022 20:39

@Steelesauce

Men like all types of body shapes. I know loads of men who prefer a bigger girl. I hear the classic line a lot 'I want a woman, not a girl'
Which is no less misogynistic than derogatory remarks about fat women.
Inthesameboatatmo · 07/02/2022 20:44

Most men I've chatted to on online dating prefer a larger lady. I've recently joined a dating site called wooplus for women and men of a more curvy variety. I like larger men and I'm curvy myself so it made sense to me.

Lovemusic33 · 07/02/2022 20:45

Believe me there are many overweight men on OLD, I wouldn’t worry, not all guys like skinny women, some prefer larger.

WouldYouHaveAproblem · 07/02/2022 20:50

I'm a regular OLDer and what I hear time and again from men is how they can't stand it when women don't look like their photos. There are many men that aren't bothered about size. They are bothered about being misled.

Anothergreatday · 07/02/2022 21:03

@ComtesseDeSpair
Exactly ! Whilst there’s nothing wrong with people wanting to be attraction to those they date , the constant commentary and scrutiny of womens bodies needs to stop . Seems you can’t win , too fat and it’s an issue , too thin qnd it’s an issue etc etc . About time men just stopped treating women like commodities and see us as whole people .
Luckily there are some that do and it’s just a matter of not accepting anything less

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 07/02/2022 21:08

I'm a size 22 and was so self conscious while doing OLD. I didn't hide my size but equally didn't have pics that showed my full body, simply because I didn't have any. Never had any success until I got talking to a guy on an online game. Clicked instantly and I fell for him hard in the two months we chatted until we met. I was super nervous about him seeing me and not being attracted to me. Luckily we clicked just as well in real life and after five dates decided to move in together. This was three years ago. I'd say don't hide or apologise for your size, but it all depends on meeting someone you click with who falls in love with your personality.

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/02/2022 21:11

Wow Gnome! What are the chances? Maybe I need to try gaming instead of OLD Grin

Thank you all - will have to get dressed up for a night out and get someone take some nice pics for me - fingers crossed!

Interesting about bigger men not necessarily being more forgiving about bigger women though.

OP posts:
Anothergreatday · 07/02/2022 23:33

‘Interesting about bigger men not necessarily being more forgiving about bigger women though.‘

Yes I think sometines women get caught in a trap of thinking that men think like us or I’m bigger so I wouldn’t expect my partner to not be bigger but we need to remember men are socialised differently
They are surrounded by media of heavy guys getting the model babe . Tv sitcoms where the overweight husband is married to the stunning slim wife . The porn with the older chubby dude and the skin 20 year old
It’s everywhere and for some it affects how they think , but remember , that’s not all , and those are the guys you want to weed out
There are plenty of fir guys who really love women of different sizes . I wasn’t joking when I said that it’s very true

TheFoundation · 07/02/2022 23:51

But I know I’m probably significantly reducing my dating pool by being overweight

You're reducing your chances by focusing on something superficial and worrying about it.

None of this will matter to the right bloke. If it matters to someone, he won't be the right bloke.

Who you are, in your entirety, reduces your dating pool enormously. Same for everyone. It's a good thing. You don't want every Tom, Dick and Harry to be interested in you, you just want one person, who loves and accepts you exactly as you are. Let your you-ness, in all its glory, do some filtering for you. An honest photo will get rid of all the men who don't like women who look like you. An honest profile will get rid on men who don't like women with your attitudes/interests.

Just be you, and let the filtering happen. Unless you're o=looking at all the men's profiles and thinking they're all perfect for you, you're filtering them, too. It's exactly as it should be.

Anothergreatday · 07/02/2022 23:59

@TheFoundation

Beautifully said and so true

Kinex · 08/02/2022 00:41

I actually think OLD is great for this sort of thing. You usually have your physique listed on there somewhere, so anyone who messages you is someone who is potentially attracted to your body type. Don't assume men don't like women who are a size 18. Many do!

StormBaby · 08/02/2022 00:51

I’m 6ft tall and a size 18. I have never struggled to date. I’m confident and I own it. There will be plenty of men out there that will find you attractive.

Shunter350 · 08/02/2022 01:24

Man here..!
Size 18.. a proper woman with curves.
Don't believe what the media and "society" tells you.. the vast majority of men want a warm, soft, cuddly, curvy body to cuddle up to.
Don't fret and get out there!

Anothergreatday · 08/02/2022 02:26

@Shunter350

Man here..! Size 18.. a proper woman with curves. Don't believe what the media and "society" tells you.. the vast majority of men want a warm, soft, cuddly, curvy body to cuddle up to. Don't fret and get out there!
I’m larger so realise the media dose do that however I think all women are ‘real women ‘ regardless of whether they are larger or smaller , curvier or not curvier - that is unless they are made of rubber . Then they are blow up dolls It’s fine to have a personal preference and if so someone can say ‘I prefer ‘ but why pigeonhole women and make one body type sounds superior making women even more body conscious . People need to stop telling women what ‘ real women ‘ look like