OLD when overweight

[RoyKentsChestHair]

I’ve seen lots of threads about whether you’ve met your DP online.

I met my recent ex 10 years ago but I was considerably slimmer (& of course younger!) back then. I’m now a size 18 and as someone with thyroid issues and peri menopausal, I struggle to lose it through diet and exercise, as I can’t do a lot without causing fatigue for days afterwards. Funnily enough the only way I ever lose weight is when we split up (has happened several times over the years. Always at least a stone down within a month without even trying when I’m upset!)

Having recently become single again I want to spend some time getting over my last relationship, I have a new job and am pushing myself to try new things and meet people, but I know that my best chance of meeting a man in future is OLD.

The worry is that I’ll be written off as a larger woman, without them getting to know the real me underneath. I was lucky that my ex also had struggled with his weight so never made me feel judged for putting on a few stone over the years. But I know not all men are as open minded and with the sweetshop mentality of OLD will they just think they can do better and swipe on past?

Have you met someone despite not being the obvious physical type that we’re all supposed to be aspiring to?

I put a full length picture up, as well as spent a lot of time on the blurb and had a lot of messages and met someone. However I met my latest partner gaming too

What is it with these women shaming comments…men want a proper woman. Really? Are slimmer women not proper women then? He wants a woman, not a girl? Seriously? Slimmer women aren’t adult? They are just girls?

I’m all for boosting the op up, but not at the expense of making derogatory remarks about women who aren’t overweight.

Shame on those posters.

I'm a similar size - and also disabled. So I used a couple of full length photos one of which showed my stick, and nothing more than 2 years old, and I've been seeing someone for 6 months now.

You give great advice so have clearly recovered from any previous trauma, and I was sure that I had, and had a few dates with men of various sizes, a brief fling with a guy much slimmer than I am, and now starting to feel very settled into a relationship with a man my sort of size, a couple of inches taller than me, but immensely supportive and generous with his time and care. Enjoy, keep your bar high, and good luck!

I’m going to go against the grain here a bit and say as someone who’s done OLD both as a size 18/20 and now as a size 12/14 it’s made a massive difference to my experience.

I’m not sure whether that’s because before it was depressing how few of the men I swiped right on went on to match with me or for some other reason.

It’s not so much about looks for me at age 51, but it’s about wanting someone in good health and able to bound about outside and still have a healthy sex drive and I know I’m more likely to swipe right on profiles where someone looks fit and interested in those things.

@Shunter350

Man here..! Size 18.. a proper woman with curves. Don't believe what the media and "society" tells you.. the vast majority of men want a warm, soft, cuddly, curvy body to cuddle up to. Don't fret and get out there!

every adult female is a proper woman, ffs!

@Adeleskirts

What is it with these women shaming comments…men want a proper woman. Really? Are slimmer women not proper women then? He wants a woman, not a girl? Seriously? Slimmer women aren’t adult? They are just girls?

I’m all for boosting the op up, but not at the expense of making derogatory remarks about women who aren’t overweight.

Shame on those posters.

Yes it’s quite disgusting how women and their bodies are constantly critiqued

Every little thing you do or don't put on your profile will reduce your dating pool, but it also concentrates the contenders.

Just be honest and be you. If that isn't enough, they're not the right person.

@Somuddled You are, of course, correct. Sorry for the offence.

I was a Tall Size 18 bespectacled 55 year old who hadn’t had sex in 10 years when I started OLD. Neither that nor anything else held me back once I got going! Men love confidence, energy and enthusiasm more than anything else IME, the looks thing is not an issue though we all have our physical type. Having sampled other types, I’ve ended up with a man who is the spit of my XH, just shorter, fatter, younger and much less mad!

I think people are just trying to give some balance by saying curvy women are also appealing to lots of men, as opposed to the very slim stereotype. No one is bashing anyone and people are taking offence for no reason and those posters being “disgusted” are being silly, high-handed and actually rather offensive to other posters themselves.

That said, there are some other great posts on here OP in the lines of be who you are. Let the chips/chaps fall where they fall :-).

@WhiteFawn

I think people are just trying to give some balance by saying curvy women are also appealing to lots of men, as opposed to the very slim stereotype. No one is bashing anyone and people are taking offence for no reason and those posters being “disgusted” are being silly, high-handed and actually rather offensive to other posters themselves.

That said, there are some other great posts on here OP in the lines of be who you are. Let the chips/chaps fall where they fall :-).

In what way is saying women who aren’t over weight are girls not women, or that they are not real women not in any way offensive. Should we then say it’s ok to say women who are overweight aren’t real women.

Don’t try to silence women into accepting mysogynistic comments. It won’t work and is a waste of your time. And ours.

We can boost women up without putting other women down.

@Adeleskirts
Exactly ! Women can be praised without negatively comparing other women and saying they are not ‘real women ‘
Many of us are not ok to let these comments slide and nor should we

Completely agree @Adeleskirts. This sort of misogyny is rife. Seems some people can’t be positive about one group of people without putting others down.
I am slim now but have been big, small and everything in between. I wasn’t aware that I ever stopped being a proper women 🙄

@Adeleskirts

What is it with these women shaming comments…men want a proper woman. Really? Are slimmer women not proper women then? He wants a woman, not a girl? Seriously? Slimmer women aren’t adult? They are just girls?

I’m all for boosting the op up, but not at the expense of making derogatory remarks about women who aren’t overweight.

Shame on those posters.

This ^^

@WhiteFawn

I think people are just trying to give some balance by saying curvy women are also appealing to lots of men, as opposed to the very slim stereotype. No one is bashing anyone and people are taking offence for no reason and those posters being “disgusted” are being silly, high-handed and actually rather offensive to other posters themselves.

That said, there are some other great posts on here OP in the lines of be who you are. Let the chips/chaps fall where they fall :-).

Yeah m, please don't come on here and ask women to "be kind" to the male posters who choose to come onto a mostly female forum and spout misogyny.

Hello - thanks for all the supportive comments and for not just telling me to go on a diet!

Have been on a couple of nice dates now, both guys seem more keen than me, which is both reassuring and also a little annoying . Has a been a confidence boost at least to see they they weren’t disappointed when seeing me in real life.

Took me a while to come back as I was having a bit of a crisis about it all, but having sorted my life out, started anti depressants and started to feel a bit more human, I just checked threads I’ve started and realised I hadn’t been back!

@RoyKentsChestHair great to hear you are feeling more like your self. Keep at the dates and keep your standards high.