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Original poster

Dw just accused me of sighing in front of friend

34 replies

Whiteminnowfish · 05/02/2022 13:20

Friend came over a few nights ago. Dw had a drink and I did.
Friend didn't drink as she was driving.

We chatted and kids played, ate some food. Friend went home then we all went to bed - nothing said.

This morning dw was very cold with me, hardly spoke.
I went to Doctors and when I got back she didn't ask me how it went.

Dd is at a club today for 3 hours I asked dw if she fancied doing something together lunch or something. She said no.

She got dressed (doesn't normally go out), I asked where she was going and she said out to see her dad.

I asked her what is wrong as she's hardly spoke to me all morning.

She said last night when she was talking to my friend, I kept sighing and she asked how that might have made her feel. I just don't recall me doing this at all. I don't know why she thinks I've done this.

She said if I was doing that to her that I've got no respect for her.

We've been having issues for a while now I just don't understand why she thought that.

I am also female also.

I rang my friend (my friend always tells me straight even if i was in the wrong), and I asked her to be honest with me and tell me if I was signing when my dw spoke and friend said I did nothing of the sort.

What shall I say when dw gets back. Don't want an atmosphere and sick of all the arguments.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 05/02/2022 13:45

Does she often invent wrong doings that she uses to flounce off, dressed up, to see her dad? Seems odd that the 'offense' was several days ago, but only seemed to affect her today. Are you sure it's her dad she's meeting.

My alcoholic ex would invent offenses I had seemingly done so he could start an argument and stomp off to the pub. Your dw getting dress up brings a whole load of extra suspicion.

Original poster
Whiteminnowfish · 05/02/2022 13:47

Apologies it was last night friend had come over.

Dw just put her jeans and top on. She was definitely going to her dad's. She definitely not having an affair.

OP posts:
Shortofspace · 05/02/2022 13:49

Maybe you're just at that stage where everything you do annoys her, sorry.

Original poster
Whiteminnowfish · 05/02/2022 13:51

@Shortofspace

Maybe you're just at that stage where everything you do annoys her, sorry.
She's WFH and doesn't have a friend network to go out. She's constantly at home.

I work PT and home the rest. I take dd to her clubs and always arrange play dates with her friends and mums.

OP posts:
grapewine · 05/02/2022 13:52

She's being dramatic. If she has form for flouncing, I'd tell her to grow up and take things up with you when they happen. Silent treatment is not acceptable and I'd not accept it.

Original poster
Whiteminnowfish · 05/02/2022 13:52

@Shortofspace

Maybe you're just at that stage where everything you do annoys her, sorry.
Even if I did sigh when she spoke, is it so bad?
OP posts:
grapewine · 05/02/2022 13:54

Even if I did sigh when she spoke, is it so bad?

Honestly, yes. It's annoying and PA to me, but she should have said something after friend left if she was annoyed.

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 13:55

Tell her you're sorry if you upset her and that you hadn't intended to do so.

Make it clear, though, that the silent treatment and sulking aren't the way to fix the issue and you won't continue to put up with it.

Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 13:56

Your wife doesn’t usually get dressed and go out?

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 13:57

Well, don't tell her that your friend ''sides with you'' as in the friend's opinion as supposed Judge and Jury conclusion that you did not sigh when she spoke is not going to help!

If I felt disrespected by you and you went to a friend to tell her about it and she said no, you're innocent, and you offered that up as evidence, I'd feel gaslighted.

I would suggest that you're not making each other happy so it's time to go your separate ways.

Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 13:57

* Even if I did sigh when she spoke, is it so bad?*

Yes! It’s bloody rude

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 13:58

If you were sighing when she spoke, that's bad yes. Contempt is one of the four horsemen.

Was she trying to join in the conversation and you were trying to freeze her out?

Toanewstart23 · 05/02/2022 14:03

@UserBot9to5

What are the other three?

DatingDinosaur · 05/02/2022 14:33

If you wasn’t intentionally sighing at something your friend was saying/doing (in a tut, sigh, eye roll sort of way) then no, you wasn’t intentionally being rude or disrespectful or whatever. You could have been sighing because you was tired, or a bit stressed, or a number of other reasons that had absolutely no bearing on your friend’s conversation whatsoever.

I think your DW is being childish. For whatever reason, she’s looking for an excuse to have a sulk on with you and chose your unintentional sighing as a suitable reason. The underlying reason for this might be worth unpicking with her (your wife).

All this will do is make you really self-conscious of your behaviour – to the point you can’t relax / be yourself around your friend (or your wife) in the future.

Original poster
Whiteminnowfish · 05/02/2022 14:37

@UserBot9to5

If you were sighing when she spoke, that's bad yes. Contempt is one of the four horsemen.

Was she trying to join in the conversation and you were trying to freeze her out?

No. I don't recall sighing when she spoke
OP posts:
PanicBuyerOfGin · 05/02/2022 14:54

It may be that you are a habitual sigher and don't realise it. My dp is, and I hate it. Sighing signifies boredom, fatigue, resignation, frustration and various other negative emotions to me and instantly brings my mood down. I have alerted him to it but he just can help it, it's such an ingrained habit.

Or it may be that you weren't sighing at all and your dp used this as an excuse to contrive an argument, for some reason.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/02/2022 14:56

Perhaps she's looking for a fight. Not uncommon when someone wants out of an unhappy relationship.

Tsuni · 05/02/2022 15:01

Ltb.

Neither of you sound happy in the relationship. She's immature and "silent treatment" is a form of abuse.

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 15:03

[quote Toanewstart23]@UserBot9to5

What are the other three?[/quote]
Think it's contempt, stonewalling, criticism, defensiveness.

UserBot9to5 · 05/02/2022 15:04

And sighing would be contempt i think

5128gap · 05/02/2022 17:06

@girlmom21

Tell her you're sorry if you upset her and that you hadn't intended to do so.

Make it clear, though, that the silent treatment and sulking aren't the way to fix the issue and you won't continue to put up with it.

But its been established OP did nothing wrong as confirmed by the friend. Why should she apologise? The last thing anyone should do is pander to this type of manipulative behaviour. OP, if this is new behaviour, it sounds as though she has issues that you need to get to the bottom of. I'd be telling her that neither you or your friend agreed you were sighing, so what is this really about?
Original poster
Whiteminnowfish · 05/02/2022 17:11

Think if I tell her I spoke to our friend about it she will have another go at me for discussing our private issues with her

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 05/02/2022 17:17

Well, you shouldn’t have discussed it with your friend IMO.

If you WERE sighing then that was rude, at best, or contemptuous at worst.

But silent treatment is abusive behaviour.

What do you want to happen with your relationship?

Loopytiles · 05/02/2022 17:18

If you weren’t sighing, or perhaps did so only once, then your wife is also exaggerating, or gaslighting.

StrangerYears · 06/02/2022 08:28

Sighing is actually important function of our body. Iron lungs used to fail because they did not cater for the need to sigh periodically.

Sighing has an important function in your body. It works to reinflate alveoli that have deflated during normal breathing. This helps to maintain lung function. Sighing can also be used to convey a variety of emotions