Hi there, there are many wise replies here so I’ll only add my story in case it resonates with you.
I’m a psychiatrist and I realised far too late that my father is autistic. My mother is also on the spectrum, but she is extremely high functioning. My father was a brilliant parent until I started expressing opinions and desires that challenged his preconceived thoughts. From then on he had somewhat regular meltdowns when we disagreed, some involved physical violence, others involved telling me how much he regretted having me. My mother was conditioned to believe his behaviour was normal and so enabled him. She would often tell me how much happier their marriage was before I was born and therefore mustn’t I realise how terrible a person I was, etc. From around age 4 onwards.
My father died - much to my relief - after his advanced age led to his symptoms worsening and him verbally abusing neighbours, shop staff, doctors, anyone who didn’t provide what he demanded immediately. My mother, however, has also experienced a worsening in her symptoms. She is unable to understand what she feels when she is flustered, rushed, fearful, sad, embarrassed, etc. This leads to striking empathy fails and what looks like emotionally abusive behaviour.
Is it at all possible that there’s a neurological cause to your parents’ poor treatment of you?
Very few autistic children show any sign of being capable of becoming abusive adults, but it is not uncommon. There are still difficulties in psychiatric circles in accurately separating narcissism from high functioning autism behaviours where ones self direction & a low frustration tolerance take front and centre position in consciousness, ahead of cognitive empathy for others.
Because many older adults were never offered diagnoses or appropriate therapies / parenting interventions, they’ve never learned to adjust. A meltdown for a young autistic adult nowadays may well involve tears, or walking away, or freezing, but I’ve noticed a huge cultural shift away from verbal abuse.
I hope this info helps.