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Original poster

Unequal earnings....how do you split costs?

40 replies

ItsTooGoodYouKnow · 03/02/2022 23:04

I earn £40k and my partner earns £120k. We've recently moved in together and pretty much everything is split 50/50. We have a long list of renovation to dos for our house and going ahead with all of this will be quite a financial strain for me.

I've talked this over with my partner and he's suggested he pays more than me for renovations. I'm just not sure what the right thing is to do? I don't want to be broke....but it feels wrong not to pay my way.

How do you deal with unequal salaries?

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 03/02/2022 23:10

I am assuming by moved in that you have bought a place together, or one partner has moved into the other's owned residence. While you maybe all honeymoon lovers now, you have got to protect yourself moving forward. A renovated property could be worth vastly more than it presently is. If I was in your situation, I would only pay for the renovations if the home was tenants in common, or some other way that you were named on the deed. If the relationship didn't work out in the future, it could be very difficult for you to claim anything of a property that you have no legal title over. If the place was tenants in common, a fair contribution would be the share of the tenants agreement. If you do want to pay towards the repairs, you should both set up a bank account for funding this. It makes it easier to prove who paid for what along the line. But please protect yourself and your future.

ItWillBeDone · 03/02/2022 23:12

We pool our money and don't see it as separate pots. I'm the higher earner and think it's the right thing to do. My husband and I have been together for a long time though. Although we have always done that there's only recently been a biggish gap in our salaries.

Longsight2019 · 04/02/2022 01:47

With his salary being significantly more than yours, it’s impossible for you to carry an equal financial burden if the spend is based on the combined available funds that your individual salaries allow.

You’re being pretty ridiculous if you’ve discussed it, and he’s seen sense and offered to pay more, but you’re still asking for answers.

What did you expect the solution to be, other than: he should pay more if it’s beyond your means, or you need to earn more if you aren’t willing to let him pay, or lower your renovation budget so it fits with your salary.

Or maybe it’s the worst ‘look at our £160k combined income’ post ever.

I joke on the above before the monkeys swing from the trees - but it is a bit of a daft post.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2022 01:56

If you've moved in with an eye to marriage, no one has their own children, you might have children together in future...

Just pool your money and he pays more.

If not, it very very much depends.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 04/02/2022 02:41

Did you are not married but you own property together how is this split? If he pays more towards renovations will he own more of the house?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 04/02/2022 02:41

If not did

Pinkbonbon · 04/02/2022 03:24

You should be contribute the same percentage of your indivulidual incomes. Eg 10% of 40k is not the same as 10% of 120k.

You earn one third of what he does so you should not be asked to contribute as much.

I would seriously question a relationship with any man who allows his partner to risk going broke. The guy is a loser.

Oh how nice of him yo offer to contribute more. Pft, what an asshole.

Pinkbonbon · 04/02/2022 03:33

Seriously though op, raise your bar.

Tbh if I was a man that earned 120k a year, I'd I'd ashamed to ask for same contribution to things from my much lower earning partner. I mean, hasn't hasn't any pride as a man? Or even as a person for that matter?

No one should be asking you to pay more than the same percentage of your individual income as he does his, to anything. And less if it means ensuring that you are able to keep enough back to protect yourself should you ever need it.

Does he disrespect you in other ways?

Pinkbonbon · 04/02/2022 03:43

Actually funnily enough I was just watching this a few days ago. Perhaps it's easier to hear coming from a guy, because it's almost as if women think 'I'm not allowed to ask him to pay more than me, even if he earns more'.

If you go to about 4.25 min in.

Avarua · 04/02/2022 04:11

If he owns the house he should pay for the entire renovation.
If you own it in equal shares, you should pay Reno cost 50:50.
If you want to share property, get a property sharing agreement or get married.

Avarua · 04/02/2022 04:12

It makes zero difference who earns more. The critical thing is who owns what.

AgentJohnson · 04/02/2022 06:10

Grrrrrr! This should have been discussed and in black and white before you moved in together! 50/50 isn’t equal if you earn a third of what he earns. The property and renovations split is dependent on the ownership split, why would you invest the same for less of a share.

wateraddict · 04/02/2022 06:47

If your partner earned the same, you would have no issue putting the same amount in. You can afford to do more when you have a higher total income.

I agree with PPs, you pay the same percentage towards all living and renovation costs. You will both have money left over to spend on whatever you choose and your partner will naturally have a higher amount left over. You will be able to agree what's affordable and ensure you each have money left for personal choice and savings.

If your partner earned less than you would you force a lifestyle they can't afford? It's not robbing them out of their money if it's proportional. It's just giving yourself permission and ensuring you are both contributing equally. It's not taking advantage.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 04/02/2022 06:49

@Pinkbonbon

Seriously though op, raise your bar.

Tbh if I was a man that earned 120k a year, I'd I'd ashamed to ask for same contribution to things from my much lower earning partner. I mean, hasn't hasn't any pride as a man? Or even as a person for that matter?

No one should be asking you to pay more than the same percentage of your individual income as he does his, to anything. And less if it means ensuring that you are able to keep enough back to protect yourself should you ever need it.

Does he disrespect you in other ways?

In fairness, they're not married and they don't have children. There's nothing wrong with her paying for 50% of the bills, shopping etc. Assuming he's not expecting her to stump up for bottles of vintage champagne as part of the weekly groceries.

If the own the house as tenants in common the it will depend on how much each owns. If she can't afford the renovations they have a number of choices, they can reflect an unequal contribution in their share of the house; the renovations don't happen or he pays more with the risk that if the relationship breaks down he loses out.

halfthesun · 04/02/2022 06:51

Hello, I earn similar to you and my partner on much more. We agreed early on to split expenditure accordingly - I pay 20%. However sometimes he simply insists it is his treat. We both work hard at our jobs - I am a teacher and he works in energy and as such is rewarded significantly.

PrincessPaws · 04/02/2022 07:15

In our relationship you'd pay a 1/4, he'd pay 3/4

ExhaustedMumma · 04/02/2022 07:30

I earn £100k (plus bonus) and DH earns £55k.

We pay bills/mortgage/childcare 50:50. That doesn’t leave anyone broke though. We both save well. I have a less good pension than DH so I pay 20% of my salary into mine to make up for that. We give ourselves similar amounts of spending money but DH isn’t materialistic so he never buys anything!

I save my extra earnings and then we pool our savings to buy the big things - house, car, wedding, holidays loft conversion. So in the end I contribute more. I also funded my first maternity leave and will do again now. DH is taking shared parental leave for three months and I will pay all the bills during that period and add extra money to the joint account so he is covered whilst not earning.

So I’m free to do what I want with my extra salary but I do what benefits the family and no one ever needs to worry that there isn’t the money for them to do what they want.

I’m currently part time, and I’d like DH to swap with me and for him to go part time (he’s not sure) and then I’d pay a greater share of the bills - mainly because I want to incentivize him to do it and have a day a week with DS.

GothamGirl1970 · 04/02/2022 07:32

@PrincessPaws you are spot on. It’s not magic it’s math. You are each contributing the same % of your salary. You can’t afford to go 50/50 .

Please also apply this rule if your partner wants to go on a holiday that is outside your budget. If that’s not acceptable to him, then you choose a holiday that is affordable on your budget and go there. Being equitable isn’t one person going into debt to try to keep it “even”

ExhaustedMumma · 04/02/2022 07:32

Sorry to add - in your situation it doesn’t feel like there’s that safety net for you. So I’d be questioning the arrangements. Being unmarried, I’d wonder whether it means you need to go for being 50:50 on house and renovation but you should definitely only be paying a percentage of the bills that matches your income to allow you to save at better rate.

Original poster
ItsTooGoodYouKnow · 04/02/2022 07:34

We own the house 50/50 and each have children from a previous relationship. We've been together for 5 years. Yes absolutely we should have thought more about unequal salaries and discussed what may crop up from that. It's really just become a reality now. Sharing costs wasn't an issue while living apart and I was used to it that way. He is happy to pay more but I'm uncomfortable with it as it doesn't feel fair. Maybe something I have to get my head around.
It's useful to hear how others work it.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 04/02/2022 07:36

You should pay 1/3 and he 2/3.

WalkingOnSonshine · 04/02/2022 07:36

I used to earn 30k ish while DH was earning 70k, so we split everything in proportion to our salaries.

I’ve since had a big promotion so the proportions have changed but we still aim to end up with similar spending money each.

GothamGirl1970 · 04/02/2022 07:36

@ExhaustedMumma it sounds like your family has an agreed upon way of working your financials. Hats off to you for recognising that if DH goes p/t his contribution to running the house and child care has value attached to it and you will change the contribution showing you see the home keeping as a jo!

sassbott · 04/02/2022 07:39

Have you bought the property together? Is it your aswell?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 04/02/2022 07:43

OP is marriage and more children on the cards?

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